Sunday, December 18, 2005

Bathroom Attendants and Other More Enjoyable Wastes of Skin and Air

The graduation went very smoothly. And in the words of the very mortal Jay, I cried "like a little bitch."

I won't bore you with the details, as graduations are always boring for those not directly involved, but suffice it to say it was very emotional and gratifying for a lot of us.

The fun stuff went on later. We had no real plans for that evening except to meet up with whoever wanted to. So we ended up with Jon, Jethro's classmate and now colleague, Jen from Therapy Eggs, and a few other friends. We went to a sushi bar first and spent what I consider an obscene amount of money on dinner. Then we did a little bar hopping. There are some great new bars in Houston's midtown and it was good to get out and do a little drinking.

The last place we went was a bar called Sherlocks. It is a total meat market, which was cool. It always gives my ego a boost when drunk, horny men hit on me. Jethro is always amused unless I look like I'm too interested which, incidentally, I never am.

There was a marine there in his full uniform with all his medals. I considered buying him a beer, but he was swaying a bit unsteadily, so I settled for grabbing his hand, shaking it, and thanking him for his service. He grabbed my arm, pulled me in, kissed me inside my ear, and thanked me for thanking him. It was kind of sweet, but I was glad he didn't attempt the French version.

A short time later, I went with my friend Monica to the restroom. There was a bathroom attendant in there. I can't stand bathroom attendants. Well actually, I can't stand their jobs. I mean, we have student loans to pay off and I don't need to be tipping someone to squirt soap on my hands. I didn't actually use the restroom, but someone mentioned that I had a paper towel stuck to my shoe. I gingerly pulled it off and left it on the floor where it had obviously been when I had stepped on it. The bathroom attendant said, "Thanks for leaving it there for me."

I ignored her completely and washed my hands all by myself like a big girl. Then I took a dollar from my purse and dropped it on the floor right on top of the paper towel. I said, "Thanks for doing your fucking job" as I walked out the door. Yeah, I can be a nasty bitch.

There was a live band playing and a few of us went to dance at the very end. I was just sober enough to take note of just what was on the dance floor for the last song. Obviously all the dudes were running out of time to make their conquests, so it appeared that standards had been lowered considerably. The best was a short, but cute guy dancing with two very large, whorish women. He looked like the meat in their sandwich. Actually, they looked more like the cheese in his sandwich. It was a little foul, but amusing nonetheless. Monica and Jon were dancing together, so I ended up dancing alone. Jethro was more interested in drinking.

The bouncers professionally shooed us all out at 2:00 am. I love the way they do it. They are polite, yet firm. I asked one if he got a lot of blowjobs with lines like that. He said I had no idea. Yeah, I was a little drunk. And bouncers seem to be pretty dry at 2:00 am.

After we were kicked out, we all went to Monica's apartment to "watch a movie." Ha. Jethro and I fell asleep, and when we woke up, Monica and Jon were nowhere to be found. Actually, they were somewhere to be found, but I didn't want to be the one to find them. We were Jon's ride, so we had to stick around while they did whatever they were doing. But I was happy for them.

Jethro and I ended up coming home at 6:00 am. We crashed and slept until one.

I know it was a decadent night for the parents of two small children, but Jethro deserved it after all his had work and I deserved it because I am a doctor's wife.