Sunday, October 22, 2006

What's Your Stripper Song?

Your Stripper Song Is

The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang

"Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about"

When it comes to dancing, you let your freak flag fly!


I think I ended up with that song because I would have dressed like a pirate.

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Jethro awoke Saturday morning and he was pissed off. He had a dream some dude made a pass at me and I rather readily acquiesced. Every so often we dream about the other cheating. We're normal.

He was laughing, but he seemed a little annoyed as he relayed the details. "Don't worry, honey," I said groggily. "If anyone came onto me like that, I'd punch them in the face after I complimented them on their good taste in women."

It was only later while speaking to a friend that I realized what I had been dreaming about at the same time.

While he was dreaming about me orgasming on some guy's hand, I was dreaming about me orgasming on a coconut cake covered in raspberry jam. Well, I wasn't exactly orgasming on it, but I was orgasming while I was eating it.

I think there is a high likelihood that I have taken The Diet about as far as it can go.

Anyway, I dreamt I had to make a cake for the Food Network, so I made this light, fluffy coconut/Tres Leches concoction layered with raspberry jam. I luh-hu-huuuv raspberry jam. In the dream, I had to eat a piece before I gave it to the judges. It was so real. I scraped the jam off the cake and let it linger in my mouth before I swallowed it. I let the bite of cake hover on my tongue before it dissolved and slid down my throat. It was so delicious, and the dream was so real that there is a good possibility I was smacking my lips and making noises.

It's a classic case of denial. I am denied anything even resembling a coconut/Tres Leches cake smothered in delicious raspberry jam, so naturally I have the most sensual dream about it.

It reminds me of when I went to High-Minded Liberal Arts College in NH and wasn't getting any. And by any, I mean ANY. Not even of the self-inflicted variety. If you were caught (and that was a near constant possibility as the dorms were very small), you wouldn't be considered an Intellectual. And if that happened, you might as well have slit your own throat. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having a very erotic dream in which my curtain rods played a very prominent role. I think I woke up dry-humping my bedpost or my reading lamp or something.

And those were the best years of my life.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I forget...are you on some kind of a diet?? I am like losing weight on purpose.

Anonymous said...

Let's try that again...are you on a diet to lose weight or do you just talk about it for fun? Loved the post. Esp. the way you're able to combine respberry jam and bedposts. Such an interesting combination! LOL

Anonymous said...

Raspberry jam. Gawd, I give up!

Jenny said...

I've been having the cheating dreams about Hubby constantly since he's been in Hawaii. I wake up so ticked off lol. Maybe it's my jealousy over him being somewhere tropical and while dealing with snow coming out in my dreams.

inanna said...

LMAO!!! Gotta love dreams like that... raspberry goo and all.