Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I feel the depression coming on. I can't figure out what triggers it, but suddenly I'm fighting back tears for no reason at all. I don't so much want to crawl under the covers as I want to crawl under the bed and hide. I feel like I have gorilla arms that are holding 100 lb weights. The malaise and self-doubt are the worst part.

I start feeling that I shouldn't be married to Jethro because he deserves someone much better, but he would rather live through decades of torture than be dishonorable and break up with me. I know it isn't true (he would definitely leave me if he wanted to) but it nags at me and adds a few more lbs to the weights in my gorilla hands.

I want to have a tangible quality that I can bank on - a hot bod, an immortal record of my intelligence, or at least stellar hygiene. I'm not fussy.

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