Friday, May 30, 2008

Bit o' This and That

Jethro decided he needed my help this afternoon. The front desk girl leaves early on Fridays and he had a whole slew of people scheduled for the evening. I got here with the girls and the door was locked and the whole clinic was dark. I knocked frantically because if things don't go according to how I've envisioned them in my head, I start to panic and imagine all manner of grisly horrors. Then I hyperventilate a little and it's all I can do not to wet my pants in hysteria. I have a small bladder.

Jethro came to the door momentarily with a confused look on his face. I thought he was going to ask why I was late (I was a leeetle teeny tiny bit late), but somehow he'd forgotten that he'd asked me to come in.

So everything's good and I want to smush my bosoms in his face later.

And speaking of bosoms, I had become somewhat easy with drink a few Fridays ago. Not drunk exactly, but with somewhat lessened inhibitions.

I was in the loveliest of compromising positions, trying to wriggle coquettishly away from Jethro while he had my nipples captured in his fingers when Gwennie appeared right beside the bed asking for something insane like a magic potion that would make her fall asleep instantly and give her dreams of bejewelled elfin unicorns frolicking down sturdy opaque rainbows. It was around 2am, mind you. I was so mortified I hid under the covers (actually it was just my head because as long as that's covered no one can see you. What?! WHAT?!!) and laughed like a crazy person.

The next morning, I told her that she better knock if she wanted to come into our room especially at night.

"I didn't see anything," she responded instantly.

"Yes, you did." I wasn't fooled for a second. "And that's your punishment. When you don't knock, you end up seeing things you really don't want to see."

She grinned. "I'll give you that," she said.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memorial Day

I would have written this post yesterday, but we were in Houston over the weekend and didn't get back until late last night.

My grandfather had surgery for his throat cancer which he came through amazingly well, telling the nurses a short time after the anesthesia wore off that "getting old ain't for sissies."

He had his surgery at the VA hospital in Houston which is pretty magnificent. Grandpa is a veteran of WWII, although not a terribly heroic one. Oh my god. My grandfather is Harry Flashman. Kind of. I'm pretty sure he never raped anyone. Pretty sure. Like 85%.

We spent Memorial Day at my parent's house. It's only a few minutes from the cemetary where Charles is buried, so Jethro and I went to pay our respects. So had many others. We ran into the parents of one of our friends. He was one of Charles' roommates in college and Charles was very close to that whole family. They said their son was having a very hard time with it and couldn't visit the cemetary or even talk about him. I know how he feels. He may never visit the cemetary. It was good for Jethro and me to visit, but I don't think I could have ever gone without Jethro.

I know Charles' girlfriend has been many times. She always leaves a message in the stones that cover the ground. It's really heartbreaking, but she has been a faithful comfort to his family and I really love her for that.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Jack be Nimble Jack be Quick

I had no idea there was a video for this song. But there is and it's great. The blond at 0:37 just cracked me up.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Picture Day

I don't usually link to pictures of my friend's kids for safety reasons, but these are not to be missed.

The first is my friend Jen's little girl in gymnastics. I want to squish her.

The second is our friend Brighton's daughter going to prom. So sweet it will make you cry.

And since I'm all about pictures today, here's one of my new round chair that spins. (I say it's mine like that actually means something. I picked it out and I've managed to sit relaxedly in it once in the store.)

It's Gwennie's fault we have it. She destroyed our couch with a pair of scissors, only escaping me destroying her heinie because she seemed properly humble and repentant and accepting of alternative punishment. She's sulking in the picture because I wouldn't capture her mooning the camera.
Emma is the one posing. It's not a sexy pose. It's actually her dead fish pose. She also does a dead fish dance which is the grossest, creepiest thing I've ever seen in my life. I have no idea where she came up with it.

This is Gwennie in her imaginary world of Pokemon. No one really knows what goes on there. The other girl is one of my sisters who is being annoyed by the imaginary world of Pokemon.

Emma with a puppy. Need I say more?

Gwennie with another puppy.

Emma and Zelda's boobs both learning to swim on their own. Look carefully. I think you can see aureole(s?)(i?).

Jethro after a hard day of cuteness.

Friday, May 16, 2008

The Birthday

I was in class all day on my birthday, so I didn't have a chance to post about how great it was.

First off, Jethro got the girls to school in the morning so I could sleep a few minutes later.

After morning class, I met him for a hurried lunch at the Indian buffet by the clinic because he had a patient.

Then I picked up the kids and dropped them off at the clinic so I could get to my evening class.

I got a call from Jethro while I was on break telling me to come down to the entrance. I walked down and there was Jethro, Gwennie and Emma with a huge vase of roses and a Happy Birthday balloon. I kissed them all and went back to class, carrying my flowers.

One of the girls asked me who "that guy" was with the flowers.

I said he was my boyfriend.

She asked if those were his kids.

I said I'd never had the paternity test done, but I was pretty sure they were.

She looked confused.

I told her he was my husband and those were our children.

She looked at me as if I was weird.

I didn't blame her.

I got out of class at 10:30 and started calling all the people who had called me who wouldn't mind if I called that late. I got home and I was still on the phone with one of my sisters. I walked inside and stopped in mid sentence. Jethro had made a lobster dinner which he had timed perfectly with my arrival.

It was delicious. And he got some. Actually I think I got some. Whatever. It was a great birthday.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Moment

I am currently taking a Typography class which I'm finding quite interesting. We're studying the history of different typefaces and doing related projects.

One of our projects is to collect samples of different fonts from anywhere and make a scrapbook of sorts.

There are several new strip malls that have gone up fairly close to where we live, and some of the stores have some interesting lettering in their signs, so I went with Jethro on his lunch break to go take pictures of them.

Without stopping to consider things all that carefully, I took a picture of a jewelry store. Probably not the best idea I've ever had. I was in the middle of photographing the shop next to it when the manager came out. He asked what I was doing, and I told him I was in a typography class and was taking pictures of the lettering of the different store signs.

He said it wasn't a good idea to be taking pictures of a jewelry store.

When put in that light, I agreed that it probably wasn't a terribly good idea.

I figured he was just feeling out the situation to make sure I had no nefarious intentions, so I tried to pleasantly ease his concern.

But then he got a little nasty. He said if his store got robbed the police were coming after Jethro and me, and that he wanted copies of our id's.

He was talking to me, not having the balls to talk to Jethro who observed the whole thing bemusedly from the sidewalk. I just laughed and told him I wasn't going to do any such thing.

He then demanded that I erase my pictures.

Now if he had asked me politely to erase them just for his peace of mind, I would have done it gladly. I'd hate to think of anyone wasting their time worrying about something so unimportant all day long. But he just kind of inspired obstinacy. I told him I had every right to take pictures if I wanted, and he could go ahead and call the police and ask them himself if he had any doubt. I would be happy to wait for them just so I could have the last word.

He abandoned that line of reasoning and told me that I was rude for taking pictures of the store. I told him it was actually a compliment that I wanted to use his sign as an example of good typeface for his particular business (which it was).

He told me I should ask before I did anything like that again.

That wasn't unreasonable and if he had started off with that instead of accusing Jethro and me of casing his joint in broad daylight during lunch hour, I might have been more acquiescent. But that's us, Bonnie and Clyde...

So as it stands, I got my way entirely. I just wish I felt a greater sense of satisfaction.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Rules

Gwennie has formed a Gwennie/cheerleading club with Emma as the solitary, and most unwilling participant.

Emma's reticence might have something to do with the Book of Rules, which I will post here for your amusement. I won't change the spelling or grammar.

Rule 1:

listen to the master

(And beneath the rule, she has drawn a picture of herself saying "Go get me a glass of water please," and Emma, drawn significantly smaller, saying "OK.")

Rule 2:

go to the bathroom befor practice/meeting

(underneath she drew a picture of herself waving cheerleader pom poms in front of a crowd of cheering minions and beneath that, she drew a picture of a toilet and Emma washing her hands at a sink with a paper towel dispenser beside her.)

Rule 3:

have fun!

(She drew a picture of herself smiling on a trampoline and Emma on the roof of a house preparing to jump onto the trampoline. Underneath that she drew a square in which she wrote note: most important rule.)

Rule 4:

haircuts will make your points go higher also ponytails.

(Underneath she drew a scoreboard with scores for various criteria, and underneath that, she drew another picture that I can't decipher. It has two girls facing backwards, and a devil with a pitchfork with an unhappy expression who looks as if he is falling down.)

Rule 5:

if you lose all your points you are out of the team

(underneath she drew a group of girls smiling and pointing at another girl who is crying and waving goodbye.)

Rule 6:

Go with the masters choises

(the artwork seems to degenerate from here, but she drew a figure which she labelled as herself and two other smaller figures who look as if they are about to do whatever she says.)

Rule 7:

only the master can go get snack. unless she says so.

(underneath she has a picture of someone reaching for snacks and not quite getting them. or possibly someone who has gotten snacks without permission and who has been kicked from behind. I can't tell.)

Rule 8:

keep pillows on heads at all times in the room (closet)

(Quick note: Gwen and Emma have turned Gwennie's closet into their club room. Gwennie even sleeps in there sometimes. Underneath the rule, she drew Emma with a pillow over her face.)

Rule 9:

only go outside when you have a pass

(underneath she has drawn a figure with a hall pass.)

Rule 10:

do not embaress the master

(underneath, she drew a picture of herself with an angry expression and what actually looks like a blush - two round circles on her cheeks - and Emma with something on her head and a black eye.)

Rule 11:

Do not hurt anyone

(Underneath, she seems to have drawn herself punching Emma. Not quite sure what this means.)

Rule 12:

do not hide Passes

(Underneath, she drew herself yelling at a tiny Emma who has a pass hidden behind her back.)

Rule 13:

if you are not the master do not Write/Draw on Journal

(no picture)

Rule 14:

No Pets allowed exept dogs.

(no picture)

Rule 15:

Do not make the Master mad/sad/upset.

(underneath she drew what appears to be a minion in some kind of prison and the words "Go away get a warning" right next to the picture.)

Rule 16:

Do not steel anything from anyone

(underneath she drew a blond with evil looking eyebrows stealing a marble from a weaker looking figure who is sad or angry. She labelled the marble.)

Rule 17:

Do not trick master

(This is one of my favorite pictures. She drew herself with a long arm and hand with the index finger pointing straight up and an angry expression and Emma cowering beneath her.)

Rule 18:

Do not rip papper

(no picture)

Rule 19:

Do not ignore master.

(no picture)

Rule 20:

Do not brake any rules

(Underneath she drew a square in which she wrote note: another important rule)

Thursday, May 01, 2008


Gwennie: "Mom, Bella and I decided to be friends.

Zelda: "That's good."

Gwennie: "Yeah. She said she was friends with Mary first and that I was trying to steal her away. But we decided that since Mary likes both of us, we should all be friends."

Zelda: "That sounds like a good idea."

Gwennie: "Mom, is Mary's party really at Girly Party Place and did they change the time to 4:00?"

Zelda: "Yeah. I spoke to Mary's mom yesterday and she told me they had to change the time."

Gwennie: "So Bella was telling the truth and it wasn't a scheme to keep me away from the party...."