Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I just realized I haven't discussed my sex life in awhile. I think I've said about all there is to say about it. We have a lot of sex. Sometimes funny things happen that lead up to it or during it or after it. That's about it.

Sometimes I use Jethro's love-root as if it is a microphone. I've sung "Uptown Girl" to it more times than I would probably care to admit. Once in awhile I will do a Carlos Mencia bit. One of these days I will whistle the the theme to Brokeback Mountain. Just to see what happens. Probably a whole lot of nothing, but you never know. I suppose I'm just living out my American Idol fantasies and engaging in foreplay at the same time. See? I can do two things at once.

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Gwennie had what is known at her school as an "All About Me" day. It's supposed to build children's self-esteem. I didn't get that impression after watching it.
Basically, the child brings in pictures of him/herself, his/her favorite toy, and fills out a questionaire of their favorite things.

Gwennie brought pictures of herself at Disney World, two pictures of herself playing basketball, her basketball trophy, and her Jar Jar Binks doll upon whose eyes she used to suck when she was a baby. It was unnerving, but I thought that story might make her classmates laugh.

Everything was going fine until she got to Jar Jar. Then some little geek asked her, snottily, "Do you even know who that is?" Gwennie just looked at him as if he were a worm and picked another kid to ask a question.

I didn't say anything, but I was feeling a little irritated until Jethro said, "Don't worry. In a few years all that kid will have is Star Wars."

I felt better. But it's hard to let your kid deal with this stuff on her own when all you want to do is walk around with a light saber decapitating anyone who isn't anything but polite to her.

5 comments:

AlliCadem said...

My littlest one, ZuZu, was at daycare with a heathen named Sophia. I came in one afternoon and Sophia elbowed ZuZu in the belly, all the while staring right at me. It was everything in my power not to rip that fuckin' bitch's hair out by the roots.... And then she did it again.

Oooooh, Mama. Let's just say that it was one of my proudest moments NOT to kill someone else's kid....

Zelda said...

That makes my blood boil. I'm glad you didn't kill her, but I wouldn't hold it against you if you had.

I had a similar experience with my youngest except it was a foul little boy. He punched my Emma in the stomach just after I turned around to leave. She started crying silently and grabbed my hand. I turned around to see him grinning evilly. When I found out what he did, I leaned down and said really quietly that if Emma ever told me he hurt her again, I would punch him in the stomach until he puked. Then I would punch him in the face. I would never have said anything like that if I didn't know what an absolute bastard this kid was. He was such a bully. But I must say he's been much nicer to Emma since then. She even calls him her friend.

Lyllia said...

Oh my, I cannot wait until mine are of school age. I have had to deal with other people's kids and sometimes I just want to kill the parents, especially when they know their kids are being idiots and all they do is grin proudly. Anyway, Zelda, yor blog rocks! Keep the fun coming...

Zelda said...

Lyllia - Thanks for visiting. If you are a teacher, I don't know how you stand it.

Zelda said...

See this is when you teach her to kick him in the nuts. Problem solved.
Kristin | 02.23.06 - 12:55 am | #

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I would have given him an intimate look at Jar Jar. And tell Gwennie I had no idea who he was!
As for the sex. sigh. things here are not so active yet.
Brighton | Homepage | 02.23.06 - 7:15 am | #

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Kristin - Despite having not kicked him in the nuts, she handled him pretty well. I get the feeling she can hold her own. Emma not so much. She is the one I really need to worry about getting picked on.

Brighton - I'm sorry about the sex. Try singing to it.
Zelda | Homepage | 02.23.06 - 8:50 am | #

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Singing to Jethro's manhood *snort*

As for the wonderful Gwennie, I indeed know who Jar Jar Binks is and I think she's adorable. Let anyone pick on my girls and Aunt Nanner is bringing her butt to TX. Just remember Z., Emma's the sneaky one, so instead of standing up and kicking someone in the balls like Gwennie would, Emma will put itchy powder in their socks.
Inanna | Homepage | 02.23.06 - 11:02 am | #

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Is "All About Me" day another name for "Show and Tell"? I guess it must be easier to say with an aluminum foil grill on your teeth. :P

I will never listen to Billy Joel the same again......THANKS!!! :D
Sam | Homepage | 02.23.06 - 1:01 pm | #

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That's why you give them lots of siblings, they can do the decapitating without facing jail time.
Angi | Homepage | 02.23.06 - 10:01 pm | #

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