Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Tea Snob

The Sparkling Glitter Rainbow Pony has good things to say regarding guns, carrying guns, and shooting fleeing suspects in the back with guns. His opinions are mine when I'm not frothing mad at a society which won't acknowledge the community in which these cocksuckers exist, much less do anything useful to quell the tide of violence within said community for reasons either blindly ignorant or politically correct.

That being said, I'm bored with the subject.

Jethro and I went to the Houston Galleria today. I haven't been there in years. I used to go in high school quite regularly, but then I decided that only rich, snobby brats went there and that I was much happier in plaid shirts.

I've taken Gwennie and Emma there once, and I think I went there for something wedding related, but I was pregnant and too sick to care at all. But the Galleria is beautiful and it's one of the few places I don't people-watch simply because of the aesthetics.

Since we have our friend visiting, we decided that the Galleria would be a worthwhile trip since she likes malls. After buying makeup at Sephora, we wandered into a tea shop. It is morbidly hot in Houston, and I thought something cold and tea like might relieve me of the ever-present threat of heat stroke. I asked the languid young man behind the counter for one of the specialty drinks they had advertised in a big above the bar.

Zelda: May I have the Minty Icy Green Tea Drink which you display so prominently on your sign?

Tea Snob (with utmost contempt and without hint of an apology): No. I can't make the Minty Icy Green Tea Drink, The Fruity Frozen Drink, the Cotton Candy Tea Surprise, the.....

Zelda: Fine. What do you recommend that one can drink over ice and that doesn't have or need a lot of sugar?

Tea Snob: Try the white tea with honeydew. All those other drinks are crap anyway.

Zelda: Wrap it up, Tea Boy.

As the Tea Snob was brewing up my tea, a gentleman came in and ordered the Bubble Tea which contained tapioca balls.

Tea Snob (with a roll of his eyes): I can't make Bubble Tea. We have no tapioca.

Zelda (unable, as always, to resist a ball joke): What? You have no balls?

Tea Snob: Thank you for pointing that out. No, I do not have any balls.

Zelda: Too bad. I generally like balls.

I paid for my drink and walked out, utterly content with my white tea with honeydew and double entendre.

23 comments:

Trashman said...

I went to a mall like that in Jersey, they had valet parking. Good ball jokes. LOL

Jen said...

I have been to that tea shop, and they are tea snobs. Tea shits is more like it. I drink ALOT of hot tea, and I know a bit about tea, but the blends they have there are not typical tea shop blends. They blend their own flavors, so I had a few questions. I think I stumped the tea shit with one of my questions, so instead of figuring out the answer, she just walked away and did not come back. I stood there for about 5 minutes, and then just left.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting one of them back with the ball joke.

Angi said...

Tea snob? wow, and I thought we were "uptown" because we finally got a Starbucks! lol.

white tea with honeydew? How was it?

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Didn't you know that he of the imaginary black turtleneck was putting his ART career on hold just to serve you your mundane honeydew tea? If this keeps up he's going to have to beg his rich parents for more money so he won't have to prostitute his waking hours in retail wage-slavery.

Harumph! *looks away snobbily*

Boobabe said...

White tea w/ honeydew??

I must admit I am a hick. I am an Orange Pekoe/black tea drinker (AKA Lipton Tea)
Now coffee in all kinds of flavors will do me just fine.

Brighton said...

Hee hee, tea snobs. ONLY at the Galleria. I have not been there since high school either, sounds like you and I came to the same conclusion.
Oh, and I have heard a rumor that we are all getting together this weekend : )

Cootera said...

It's uber hot here in Iowa, too. Nothing you can do but stay indoors... and I really like the sound of that tea!

Also just wanted to say that I'm glad you and your friend are ok. (Sorry to bring it up; I just read about it on Jack's today). Have to say that 'cocksuckers' is a most appropriate word for those scumbags.

Kristin said...

Yes we are, yes we are, the rumor is soooooooo true!! There is also a rumor that Starfuck's is going to do tea fraps. I can't divulge my source. Don't ask.

Phoenix said...

Awwww.. what I would give for a nice air conditioned mall.. and a chance to pick on a Tea Snob... or to go to a Starfucks.

:(

Enjoy!

Ps.. isn't that the mall where there's a Starfucks right across the street from another Starfucks?

I'm so contemptably envious. Don't knock it.. it's a totem of civilization.. When you live somewhere where there IS NO Starfucks.. you wonder what the heck you're doing there.

Inanna said...

Morrocan mint tea is my favorite!

Inanna said...

And I also meant to say... ummmm... now I forgot!!! OHh.. ummm... wait... duhh... crap... oh, white with honeydew... how was it?

Zelda said...

Trashman - Nothing like a good ball joke.

Jen - I know more about the health benefits of different teas, but I'm no connoisseur. Balls though...

Angi - It tasted like white tea with a hint of honeydew. It wasn't bad, but I didn't have an orgasm or anything.

Cig - He did seem to know an awful lot about tea. I think perhaps it may be his eventual career.

Boo - Don't worry. I never had it either.

Brighton - We so are. I'll email you with the questions.

Cootera - Thanks for the kind thoughts. We are all thankfully fine and calling them "cocksukers" is extremely cathartic.

Kristin - I will email all questions to Brighton - it will be a blast.

Phoenix - You saw that on comedy central too? I've never been to any Starbucks at the Galleria. This was a tea bar - entirely different and far more snobbish - like a wine bar without the winos.

Zelda said...

Inanna - I like mint teas too. See Angi's reply for how the tea was.

noonie said...

I am a tea snob, but in a completely different way... has to be well mashed Typhoo, in a china tea pot, and you put the milk in the cup first.

Course most of the time I sling a tea bag in the mug and slosh it about till the spoon stands up. Let me at these tea snobs, I have heaps of questions,

did you warm the pot first?
is that freshly drawn water, just been brought to the boil?
did you count one per person and one for the pot?

And FRAP a tea!!!! Sacriledge, there should be protests.

restless angel said...

Excellent joke :) There's a specialty tea/coffee shop in a mall near here, and they're not quite as bad as yours, but can be pretty darned close!

Michelle said...

I would have loved to been a fly on the wall to hear that! We don't have anything like that here but I can imagine his nose in the air AND his lack of balls... :) He'd have a hayday snubbing me that's for sure, the only tea I have ever really had is just good 'ole sweet tea!

The Dating Doctor said...

Thanks for your blog! It is a great outlet from a long day at work!

Keep spreading the good word!!!

-- Kara

Jethro said...

He did look a little embarrassed to admit not having any balls.

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Wow, you're getting spammed from all sorts of retards.
When are y'all heading north?