Thursday, June 02, 2005

Untitled

It always happens that the post I think I'm going to bury ends up front and center for days. Masturbation, pubic hair, and now a tranvestite post have ended up defining this blog for probably more than one innocent passerby. Not that it matters. I apologize for nothing.

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I saved all my Comment This comments because every word is gold. GOLD, Dammit!!! So should you want to stroll down memory lane and revisit some of our old conversations, they are now available. I recommend these courtesy of Jack and Gooch, and of course, myself.

And since I am probably the only one who cares or who has the collossal nerve to actually link to myself, I will move on to something more intellectual like Tom Cruise proving his heterosexuality once and for all with a bizarre combination of genuflection and physical assault in that great slurping/belching Vagina known as the Oprah Winfrey Show. No, he's not gay. I know gays. They could give it to Katie Holmes better. Faster. Longer. Harder. And with a Real Penis.

Tommy never did it for me.

14 comments:

Gooch said...

For the record, I still maintain my position on that one.

I know that people of my religion don't believe in the devil and hell, but if I did, I would argue that Tom Cruise may be him.

Kristin said...

Tom is dead to me now after his comments about and to Brooke Shields. What a colossal dick!

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

What did Tom say to Brooke?

Zelda said...

Gooch - Is it a difficult position to maintain?

Kristin - I didn't hear what he'd said about Brooke Shields, but it just figures that a shallow movie star just wouldn't be right unless he were pontificating on a topic about which he knows nothing.

Cig - I believe he was lambasting her for taking anti-depressants for post partum depression.

Jay said...

Tom was lost to me when I saw him try to run in some movie way back- maybe the airplane movie or the race car movie. I have hated him ever since.

He doesn't run like a man. He doesn't run like a woman either. He runs like a dork.

His ex wife on the other hand is what made me decide that Redheads and Australia are both good things. I will always have a threesome fantasy with me in the middle of a Nicole and Thandie Newton sandwich.

Nicole has gotten better with age while he has gotten dorkier.

Jay

Jack said...

It's a popular position, Gooch, but with all respect, I still say that sucking cock, any cock, is only a hop, skip, and a jump away from biting pillow.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Brighton said...

I hate Tom Cruise. Really, to tell a woman who suffered from SEVERE post-partum that all could have been solved if she had just taken vitamins and read Scientology just makes my blood boil. The only reason that little girl he's hooked up with is with him is because she is too young to know any better.

Gooch said...

Jack does make a good point. I change my position

Gooch said...

...but still maintain that standard masturbation, by the same logic, is a slippery slope towards getting a hand job from a dude.

Brighton said...

Gooch- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Zelda said...

Jay - I think Tom and Nicole look bizarre. Very Dorian Gray.

Jack - You know you'd do it if you could.

Brighton - Tom Cruise is a short, scruffy little moron. Everytime I hear a celebrity speak, I just want to tell them to shut their yappers and entertain me. I don't pay good money to watch their movies and be reminded of their idiot babbling on talk shows.

Gooch - I hope it works out for you. Sometimes new positions are good. And I don't think masturbation is a slippery slope. Sticking one's finger in one's ass, however...

Kristin said...

AMEN to what Brighton said. She's sooooo damn clueless.

I agree with you too Zelda. Shut up and act and leave the doctorin' to the pros.

Jammie J. said...

I saw Tom on Oprah, because I tape it religiously. It kind of made me ill to watch it. But then I re-wound it and fast forwarded it. Seeing it 3x faster than life made it hilariously funny and well worth having had it on tape.

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