Monday, July 04, 2005


Payasita Update - Moonbat sightings and trouncings.

We are going to be gone this weekend. My parents have decided to spend their hard-earned money pretending they're rich down in Galveston. July is birthday month in my family with 3 sisters and my mother all sharing it. In a rare fit of generosity, they have booked Jeth, the girls, and me a room at the San Luis Resort and Spa - arguably the most opulent hotel on the island - to celebrate the 4th and all the birthdays. I intend to completely relax and drink until I liquefy. Hopefully my sisters will be down and no one will be on their period.

I'm trying to think if anything funny has happened lately. Or a good ball joke. Nothing is coming to mind. Only to mouth it seems.

"Jethro, quit it."

(He's wiggling).


I was taking out the trash the other day, when I noticed one of Jethro's neckties cut in half.

Zelda: "What the hell is this?"

Gwennie: "Actually, that was my fault, and I'm very sorry about that, but Daddy already spanked me because I lied about it."

Zelda (tears forming in an effort not to laugh): "Oh. Okay then."

I seriously don't know what to do with that kid. She is such a smart-ass. She is so extremely hyperactive. And I'm not just saying that. I'll grab her as she flies past, hellbent on some new destruction. I'll hold her little face in my hands and look her in the eyes, begging her to calm down. She says, "Okay, Mommy," and I see her try so hard, but she is so charged I can feel her buzzing as she waits for me to release her. I really think this is beyond her control, and I don't know what to do. I can't keep my eye on her all day because I have work to do, but she destroys the house if left alone. I don't want to medicate her. There are aspects of her personality that I just can't live without. But I don't want her to suffer through school either.

Emma, on the other hand, had a rare "little shit" moment soon after the tie incident. I walked into the bathroom to discover it covered in baby powder. It coated the mirror, the sink, the bathtub, the toilet and was laid out an inch thick all over the bathroom floor. Emma had white hair, a white skirt that had formerly been dark blue denim, and a white nose that looked a little coked (if you know what I mean).

"What is going ON?" I screamed.

Emma looked at me, the picture of innocence, with powder falling from her eyelashes as she blinked them in sincerety.

"Gwennie did it."


Gooch said...

In Gwennie's defense, I think all kids have a "get crazy with the scissors" moment. Mine was cutting my bedspread. My folks must have been really pissed, because they didn't replace it for about 10 years.

Brighton said...

Bwahahahaha. What they don't tell you in lamaze class....

micki said...

If it makes you feel better...They've been improving on the medicines for that. After finding the right doctor for you and your daughter, you could start on the lowest dose possible and go from there. My nephew takes a pill once a day and it works from morning before school to right after school. One dose a day, no more. When I was babysitting, sometimes his mom wouldn't give him his medicine, to see how he dealt without it, hoping as all do that he didn't need it. On the few occasions he told me he felt he needed it, I gave him 1 cup of coffee. You could try a little coffee or other caffiene. It could calm her down. Oh, and on his meds, he's still himself the downside to this 'brand' is that he has no appetite until dinner. He eats a regular sized breakfast, no lunch and a huge dinner. If you want I'll find out the name of it so you can research.

Jay said...

We have been considering installing a tricycle/scooter track around the back yard (It's small- probably need to bank the corners like Talladega)

Either that or a big exercise wheel like the hampsters get.

Just to let the tykes burn off excess energy.

Our daughter has taken to trimming her hair. We've started letting both (4.5 year old girl and 2.3 year old boy) use scissors unsupervised cutting up the Sunday LA Times (2" thick). Preferably after we have read it.


Kristin said...

You mean they don't come with an off button? Ok, if they don't, quit putting quarter in 'em! Gah! ;)

noonie said...

try lavendar back massages, works on George, he tends to hyperactivity. That and some key phrases. With George it's "GEORGE... chill" and "GEORGE... get a grip." with a hug thrown in.

Medication isn't really worth even worrying about until the hyperactivity is a problem in school. If you can handle it that is. I know you can.

noonie said...

oooh I forgot... I also taught him the breathing thing that you'd have learnt in lamaze....

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

A really good cure for hyperactivity is yardwork, I've found.

Misha said...

There are alot of things you can do, WITHOUT medication, to help Gwennie stay focused when school rolls around - setting timers, giving her frequent breaks, etc.

There is alot of useful information at

And what is it with little girls with scissors and powder? Both my daughters have done the same thing - one cutting her bangs, the other cutting the furniture... my youngest daughter got into my pepperment footpowder and when I caught her, yelling "oh my god, what are you doing?!" she said, "I a ghost, Mommy! Booooooooooo!"

Cute little fuckers, aren't they?

Angi said...

"Gwennie did it" LMAO!!!!!!

Ours know if the lie on one of their brothers, the others will just rat them all I ever hear is "I didn't do it!".

We must have ghosts.

ADD- caffiene, jumping rope, jumping on a trampoline, vacumning, "heavy" work stuff, works like a charm.

Jen said...

I like the hamster wheel idea....seriously, the hyperactivity level in this house always skyrockets when she just hasn't run around enough. It has been just soooo damn hot here lately, that we avoid staying outside for very long, and the side-effects are obvious. As I type this, Abby is flicking the damn light switch on and off, on and off, and on and off...all while singing some weird ass song at the top of her fucking lungs. I wish I had a hamster wheel for her.

Inanna said...

I love your girls!! LOVE THEM!! Emma, I can just see her innocent look and Gwennie, she is so much like Nate. If Gwennie snores, check for sleep apnea. It can make kids hyper... if not... give her some caffeine and see what happens. If it makes her nuts, don't do it again. If it works, take out stock in Starbucks. :)

Boobabe said...

Kids....aren't they wonderful. Wait until the school calls and tells you that she is suspended for having cigarettes at school or worse, pot, like my sweet cherub did.
Just letting you know that things will continue to get even more interesting as they get older. Have a great weekend.

Pikkel Weezel said...

I'm not angry, just have a lot of pent up sexual frustration. Want to help me out?

Zelda said...

Name the place, big boy. I got a sock with your name on it.

zaza said...

you always deliver the goods, meat vs. babyfood. love your girls. and i've missed you and your musings.