I masturbated at work today. I wasn't really in the mood and it took a long, long time. But no one was here, so I thought I wouldn't waste the opportunity.
I'm a crack-ho lazy mom who vacillates between feelings of inadequacy and delusions of grandeur. I am not bothered by kid snot, garlic breath or Bob Dylan's voice. But pinch me with your toes and I will probably kill you.