Monday, July 10, 2006

Just Call Me One-Trick Pony (or would it be a one-pony trick?)

Jethro and I were at our friends' house a couple of months ago trying to decide which movie to watch on HBO. Not finding anything, we decided to browse the porn titles and their accompanying descriptions. If you have a chance to do that, I highly recommend it. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.

On a whim we decided to watch a documentary of sorts detailing among other things a pussy-eating seminar (ovular?) managed by two (fat and hairy) lesbians, and a swinger orgy/campout for, and I quote the outhouse dwelling redneck verbatim, "people who like to camp and people who like to fuck."

The seminar was pretty much just a bunch of fat people watching some gal get eaten out. Boring. The juice, so to speak, was in the redneck swinger orgy-in-the-woods.

I must say I've never been what you could call an environmentalist. I'm more of a conservationist, but I don't think trees have feelings or anything like that. Nevertheless, as I viewed four naked rednecks writhing wildly in a sex swing they'd hung between two trees, I couldn't help but wonder what those poor woods had done to deserve such defilement.

There was a hot tub full of naked uglies and after watching a stringy-haired housewife get rocked by a chubby-bottomed housewife and her cowboy-hatted cabana boys, I came to the conclusion that there is no need to even debate the morality of this. Something this ugly can't be right.

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