*Cough, Cough*

All four of us have nagging coughs. It is pure torture. If you want to irritate someone into a murderous rage, cough all night. It makes for angry, hacking sex in the morning too.

"I'll give you something to cough about, bitch."

I'm trying to think of something interesting to write. I went out with two girlfriends Saturday night. It was pleasant, but mellow. Nothing exciting to note except that we got out of the house without our kids, and we all seem to make each other laugh. Oh, and one guy came up to us and asked to sit down. He was nervous as hell, possibly a little drunk and wearing a sweater vest. We put him on the spot immediately.

"Amuse us," one of us commanded.

"Tell us some pirate jokes."

"Do you like guys?" (Zelda the Wise)

The poor guy turned about 5 different colors and fondled his beer in a desperate sort of fashion. He was too shy to amuse us, he didn't know any pirate jokes, and he said, "Yeah, I like guys a lot. They're loads of fun."

He also had a great deal of trouble swearing. Every time he would try to say "fuck" or "fucking," he would glance around and lower his voice. Even then he mumbled it - "fckng" - no vowels. He was definitely awkward. I lost interest in him almost immediately.Unfortunately, he was the highlight of the evening as far as other people went. The real highlight was amusing conversation amongst the three of us.

New Topic:

Jethro and I just finished watching Super Nanny. It's the first time I've seen that show. I honestly have no idea how these parents let their kids get that out of hand. The one tonight was kind of sad, though. There were three kids in the family, one little boy about 6 or 7 and two extremely bratty 4 year old twin girls. The boy was a really sweet kid, but his mom was always yelling at him because the girls would do something bratty to him and he'd yell at them. The girls were nightmares. They would cry and scream if they didn't get their way, but they would also use insulting potty language to their parents and kick and bite and slap them. I was really shocked. If I had ever said "butt pie" to my parents, I shudder to think of the consequences. If I had slapped my mom across the face, I am very serious when I say that I would not be around blogging. If they hadn't killed me, I would at least be severely damaged.

As lax as Jethro and I are with our parenting, the girls have never struck us. Both girls bit me once each when they were breastfeeding and I slapped their little mouths as hard as I could. It wasn't out of anger though. Getting one's nipples chomped on when you're not expecting it can lead to temporary loss of even-temperedness. They never did it again, though. I remember reading some rubbishy parenting book and their tip was "try and work your finger between your nipple and their teeth, and stop breastfeeding them for awhile so they the "consequences." Fuck that. I dare anyone to smile and say "open up sweetie" when their nipple is being being severed by the sharp little incisors of an evil grinning infant.

But back to Super Nanny. I usually have no sympathy for the adults. I'm a fairly harsh judge of parents who spoil their kids. But this time, I couldn't help it. Their son was so good, so I knew they had it somewhere to raise their kids right. I guess the stress of twins just got to them and they lost control. Plus the girls were so so cute. But I can assure you that if my girls pulled even a fraction of the stuff they did, their tushies would be too red for the "naughty corner."

But everything the Super Nanny suggested seemed to work out pretty well, although not very swiftly. And the kids loved her including the bad little twins. The boy took her leaving especially hard. Anyway, it was a cute show, and I actually approve of it. I know some people think it's undignified to have someone come in and teach you how to raise your kids, but I think it's more undignified to have a four year old beat you up and call you a "butt pie."

I wonder why so many families have spoiled children. Zelda, the ever opinionated, has no clue. I mean, our parents did it and seemed to be at least mildly successful. Why are we having so much trouble? Is it that we are still immature and blame our parents for the mistakes they made, so we reject every parenting tool they gave us just to stick it to them? I don't know how many people cringe when they hear themselves say something their parents used to say to them. But was it really that bad? I'm not talking about abuse or alcoholism, just simple ways of instilling some respect in them. I mean Jethro and I work to feed and clothe and house them, I think they owe us a little respect and cooperation, and besides, how are you doing your kid any favors by letting them do and say whatever they want? If it's bad when they're four, think of what they'll be like when they can actually use real sentences. The horror. And I love them too much to let them make other people dislike them by bad behavior.

The only thing I can think of is that we are over analyzing the situation. I think a bunch of crackpot psychiatrists, no psychologists, decide that the market was ripe for capitalizing on the insecurities of new parents. People (usually bewildered fathers) always say that kids should come with instructions. They freakin' do. Just go to a Barnes and Noble and you will find every instruction you think you need. It's insane. But in relying on these impersonal books, we may suppress our natural parenting instincts which may be perfect for our individual kid.It's a complicated subject, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't read up on ideas for raising your kids, but I think we should come to a point where we start using the books as door stops. My moment came when the Eldest bit me for the first time. I just realized that they didn't know what they were talking about.Anyway, this is what the comments are for, so have at.