Friday, August 19, 2005

Funny Client

We have a client who sounds exactly like Milton Waddams from Office Space. He is a meek little white man and he is married to screaming shrew of a Saudi-bitch-princess-wife. She is such an imperious cunt that I find myself grasping the whole burqa concept. This couple is in financial trouble and must downsize immediately. Although the MeekMan will never say it, his wife spent him into the poorhouse.

He's been calling me 2-3 times a day with increasing desperation to ask about various homes they might want to buy.

His criteria is less than 200K.

Her criteria is a brand-new, 3000 square foot home as close to Bellaire (a very high priced neighborhood) as possible, with a deck, pool, open floor plan, designated rooms, and with as few neighbors as possible.

Guess who isn't going to get his way?

He called this afternoon. His bitch-wife was screaming in the background. The poor man was so flustered he couldn't even tell me who it was (although I already knew)>

Zelda: "Dearest step-father's office, may I help you?"

Bitch-Wife( in background with a shrill Saudi accent): AND I DON'T WANT ANY NI**ERS NEAR MY HOME!!! YOU CAN LIVE WITH THEM SINCE YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT I WILL CUT OFF YOUR TESTICLES AND FEED THEM TO THE CAMEL IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO SET FOOT IN A PLACE LIKE THAT!!!! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE MARRIED YOU, YOU FAILURE!!! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS ASS WHO CAN'T AFFORD SHOES!!!

MeekMan: "Oh dear...ahem...why won't she stop...oh dear...I can't think...um...this is...um...I need some information on...oh dear..ahem...why won't she just be...ahem...quiet..."

(At this point, I'm just trying not to let him hear me laugh. But my jocularity must not be confused with insensitivity. It's just that I was waiting for him to say..."and there were these squirrels...and they were married...and I said I would burn down the bulding...)

Meekman (FINALLY): "This is...ahem...Meekman...I was...ahem...looking for some...information...on this home...and she just won't let me be..."

It takes the man longer and longer each time he calls to ask for the information he needs. I'm actually afraid that he is going to off himself. The bitch has totally sapped his will to live. The sad thing is that he used to be quite successful. He was a corporate attorney for an oil company. His wife was the daughter of one of his company's clients. They met at a company party. It was the beginning of his demise.

Marry carefully, Friends.

10 comments:

Angi said...

Awww, poor guy, makes you want to pat him on the head and say "it's ok little fellow".

Zelda said...

For some reason, I don't feel that sorry for him. It was his choice. There are always warning signs and if you choose to ignore them, it's your own fault.

JamDaddy said...

Bet the family was glad to see her go and his company is expecting him to keep her. He needs to start drinking - MORE!

The Humanity Critic said...

Just passing through, I'm liking the blog by the way.

Nosila Drake said...

Love has a way of making you see past all the defects and hellraising and burqas...

You never know about couples though..

His wife is probably some horny dominatrix and they screw like jackrabbits 24/7

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Sometimes the War on Terror is waged right there in the living room.

Inanna said...

Oy-yi-yi... Good advice

Brighton said...

Damn, poor bastard. He went into it on his own though- maybe he likes to be dominated.

Anonymous said...

I'd put a round in that cunt's head and bury the bitch in the woods.
I take that back. I think shooting her might be legal here in Texas.

Shoot and toss her ass out on the curb. Let the garbagemen pick her up.

Elliott

tCj said...

Time to slip the sedatives in her drink.....