Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Vive Le Voyeur

I am seriously considering getting breast reduction surgery. They are driving me crazy. I was a very active person until they reached DDs when I was about 15. Then some idiotic male on my church softball team made a lewd comment and I quit all sports right then and there. But I have a competetive nature and would love to play sports again even if it's just frisbee in the park.

And bras are almost impossible to find. I have to go to UK web stores to find any lingerie that isn't the battle-ready-Grandma-Beulah type. For all the business savvy that U.S. companies supposedly posess, it's the Brits who have realized that breast sizes can be larger than a D cup. What really blows my mind is that in U.S. bra sizes, you can find A, B, C, and D cups with bands sizes of 60, 70, 80 inches around.

If this is really indicative of the population at large, and you have to assume that U.S manufacturers know where the money is, we are a country populated by humongous women with small breasts. And that's just disgusting.

If your stomach extends past your bosoms, you have to lose weight. Immediately. Fortunately for me, my boobs are so big that I will be 400lbs before my stomach extends past them, but that's just pure luck.

Back to the reduction. If I get it done, I will post nekkid before and after pics. Angi just has to promise to lock up TJ.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like to watch em float in the tub, but that's just me.

E
www.sparewhiteguy.com

Nosila Drake said...

"If I get it done, I will post nekkid before and after pics."

1. are you taking donations
2. do you have pay pal

god I make myself sick

micki said...

I know what you mean, even though I am only a C. I had a lot of trouble finding bras when pregnant. I finally just gave up wearing one, couldn't find any to fit.

Men may not think so, but there is a point at which they are too big. ;)

Anonymous said...

just so you know you're not alone....i am a saggy a/b cup (after breastfeeding two babies for a year each) and have had such trauma over trying to find a bra to fit, that i have completely given up and am now bra-less (a luxury small boobs affords). so take heart. you could have little ones and still be in bra-fitting hell!

Gooch said...

For the record, I vote "No"

Angi said...

Do you know what it would do to him? lol.

Personally, I like the size of mine, I jsut want them lifted. Breastfeeding 4 kids doesn't do a body good.

That's it! That's why TJ's so obsessed with your boobs, I didn't breastfeed him! Eureka!

TROGERS said...

NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! Thats just wrong on so many levels. You are God's creation, created just the way we(he) wanted you.

Zelda said...

Elliot - I like to watch balls float in the tub so we're even.

AJ - I will start a fund.

Micki - There certainly is. And even if men are looking at the fattest, droopiest, most humongous set of titties, they will still say they just need to be lifted.

Anon - I'm sorry for your loss.

Gooch - I knew you were going to say that.

Angi - I've often thought that Jethro's mom didn't breastfeed him long enough - hence the Obsession.

TRogers - Yes, but He kind of let his creation run amok on me. I think someone was talking to him while he had the boob juicer going. And unless I start dressing like a German bull dyke, men are going to notice them. And God doesn't want men to be led into temptation, right?

Jethro said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tinyhands said...

Surely you haven't been to every lingerie shop in town. I'll go with you, if you can stand the giggling.

Anonymous said...

I'm a DD and I would also like to have a breast reduction done. I'm too chicken to go to a doctor and hear all the surgical stuff, but the end result is so tempting. Smaller manageable breasts (like a full C), less neck and back pain, a bonus breast lift!! The results, really, would be thrilling. As it is, I think each breast weighs about 4 to 5 lbs. THAT'S 10 POUNDS I'm carrying 24-7 on my chest. And all I use to lift them are a couple of stretchy cups and skinny straps? Aw, hell no.

I'm currently wearing an Oprah favored bra from Le Mystere, which goes up to a G cup. I especially like them because they are lined and for some weird reason I am blessed with pokey nipples. As in, it could be warm and I'm STILL wearing high beams.

Uncle Mike said...

Zelda my wife too wants a breast reduction. Although I love the twins I am all for whatever makes her happy. Tell me how much does that cost? If she gets it done maybe I can get her to do b4 and after pics. Like AJ said get a paypal account and vote for me in 2008 and all your wildest dreams will come true. I think I just announced my campaign for presidency.

annie said...

The world is full of ass men too. Get the reduction and just watch 'em come out of the woodwork!

Michelle said...

I keep saying that I am going to get my DD done too but then I say, "well, after we're done having children". I'm thinking that these puppies are here to stay (much to Mike's delight!) LOL

Boobabe said...

I'm ok with the size of mine but would like them back up where they belong. Now my ass on the other hand could use some reducing.

Nathan Frampton said...

I think you should do it.

Day Dreamer said...

wow...taking donations. I remember coming across a website one time for a girl who was taking donations to get breat implants...eventually took it down, because people were posting on her site that they knew her and would give the site to her parents and family if she didn't take it down.

Don't know why I just shared all of that. All I can say is...
Jeth - enjoy them while you can, buddy. Sounds like the way you know them now is going bye-bye.

Lisa said...

I wanna lose my DD boobs too. Don't tell David. ;)

Madzillah said...

I was ready to tell people you are my long lost sister after the first post I read. We were separated at birth by monkeys and I was raised by a few wayward goats in some mountains.

Now, I think you may be.

Mine don't even fit in the darn tub, much less FLOAT??!!