So I haven't lost my mind yet. I still don't have any order to my life, but I have an idea of how that order is to take shape, so it's a start. It's funny. I talk about masturbating, and suddenly I don't have to anymore. I think Jethro takes it personally.

Jeth and I went to a sex toy party the other night at the home of two married lesbians. I was peer pressured into buying a vibrator called "the insatiable g." It's made out of some kind of gel and it's curved inward. It also has a circle that's supposed to stimulate the clitoris. You push the vibrating bullets into both the phallus and the clitoral stimulator and it's supposed to stimulate your g-spot and bring you to earth-shattering, ear-splitting, eye rolling, tongue wiggling climax in under three minutes. It put me to sleep. If you want the truth (and I can't imagine why you would), I think the phallus was too small and soft. Pardon me, but I like a big, hard cock. Thank you.

There is something I find interesting about society. We insult each other with abandon. We are all cheerful, unashamed hypocrites when it comes to judging not. Mind you, I'm not judging this, but you take a pro-choice, anti-christian, liberal and let her know that you are a pro-life, non-religious, who is unashamed of her sex life, and suddenly you are a "dirty-mouthed skank whore" who has no right to an opinion just because she writes a dirty little blog. Like I would have more of a right to speak if I were a christian fundamentalist damning her to an eternity of hell and writing about stew and brown bread.

I've come to realize that I scare people. I scare die-hard pro-choicers because I'm a woman, but I'm not religious and don't think religion has anything to do with the issue. I scare liberals who play the race card because of Jethro. I scare religious people who worry about the future of the conservative movement. I scare Libertarians because if there is anyone who should be converted, it's me, but I oppose their priorities.

The sickest part about all of this is that I enjoy it. I enjoy it when I can't be defined. I get wet when someone calls me a racist, then sees Jethro. My nipples get hard when a pro-choicer calls me a whore. I don't know why and I don't care.

I haven't been this honest in awhile. It feels good.