Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I Hate Real Estate

I detest real estate. More specifically, I detest the people involved in real estate.

When your agent tells you to take an offer, it is probably wise to listen to him. Case in point, our clients are selling their house and asking $255,000, net. It is worth $248,000. Someone offered $250,000. They refused to sell. By the time they realized that they had made a little mistake, the offer was off the table. Now they are having trouble selling the house because new construction just started in the area and no one wants to buy their shitty old house when they could buy a brand new house. Instead of humbly apologizing for not taking the offer after it was most strenuously recommended by us, these money-grubbing morons call me every day to ask if there is another one. Believe me. If there was they'd be the first to know. They want to do an open house now and I detest, loathe and despise open houses and the people who want them. Instead of pricing your house correctly for a quick, easy sale, it's much better to open it up for any asshole to come in and case it correctly for a quick, easy robbery.

We have another client named Schlomo. That's right. His name is a cross between schlong and homo. And it suits him. He has 2 homes for lease with us which he has priced $300 a month to high. After a prolonged period of calling every day to see if his beloved houses have leased yet, a miracle occurs and someone actually wants one of his shitboxes. After checking their credit, which was not perfect but still decent and their monthly income which was 6 times the amount of rent, Schlomo decides they're too high a risk and won't lease to them unless they pay $200 more in rent, and double the security deposit. The applicants are offended as you can imagine and quite predictably tell us to stick it. Schlomo, despite having been effectively told that they wouldn't rent his home if it meant the difference between a long life and a painful death, sees fit to call twice a day to ask if they have "made a decision." I am running out of ways to tell him that he has a better chance of finding a sperm at a NOW rally.

And my last beef is with my boss, i.e. stepfather. I love the man dearly, but he is the biggest chicken-shit. He always leaves the dirty work to me.

"Zelda, would you call the Smiths and tell them that the offer fell through?"

"Zelda, would you call the Joneses and tell them that their loan fell through?"

"Zelda, would you call the Jacksons and tell them their house caught fire and that their insurance was not up to date and their collection of Picasso's was still inside?"

I suppose this is what I get paid for, but I don't want to do it anymore. I'm burnt out and tired and annoyed. I want to quit working and just take care of the house and feed the kids on time and go work-out and get hot like the Stepford wife I was born to imitate.

11 comments:

Inanna said...

I hear ya sister!! I had a client call yesterday to tell me her slip and fall had caused her massive belly to have an 8.5 quake and dislodge... get this... A PARASITE, which she has supposedly swallowed while in flood waters. She claims had she not fallen, the parasite would not have dislodged and would still be happily lapping up her juices. UGH!

I saw a lady that looked so much like you the other day I did a double take and then I missed you very much.

Jack the Grey said...

Hey....I am in Real Estate...actually I'm just a Commercial Property Manager. I know what you are talking about Zelda, I get to deal with the tenant after they move in and have to go over all the things that the Agents didn't tell them, and also all the things that wasn't in their lease but the agent had mentioned that they would get.....ugh....sometimes I thik agents worry more about the commission than doing the right thing.

Michelle said...

Zelda, when Jethro is done with his schooling and interning will you be able to stay home with the girls? I'm sorry that things at work blow so much. Mike's aunt is in real estate but she is kinda like some of the people you are talking about... pricing houses really high and then surprised when they don't sell. I don't think I could handle working with such dumbasses. I hope your day is going better.

zaza said...

Zelda you have spoken your dream into motion. Words are containers of power. It's your turn, the dream.

Zelda said...

Inanna - Gwennie asked the other day where Inanna was. I missed you then right away. I also had something on my mind and when I was thinking of who to talk to, you popped into my head and I missed you.

Jack - Aren't they ridiculous? It's all about the almighty Dollar.

Michelle - I'm in a dilemma there because he'll be making the money, but that really means I have to get my ass in gear and be a good housekeeper. And I suck at that worse than anything.

Zaza - well hell. I wish I had set into motion a slightly more noble dream. :-)

Angi said...

About the hot part...from what I've heard from TJ, you got that covered..dream something else. ;)

Jen said...

Just a little while longer until Jethro will be the bread-winner. And it really isn't necessary for you to have a spotless home in order to win the right to stay home with your kids. Besides, both kids will be in school half the day, so a little light housework will seem like a blessing compared to the crap you have to deal with now.

P.S. Since you are currently listing my house for sale, if I ever call you with some insane request, or refuse a good offer, please kick my ass.

Kristin said...

Sounds like it's time for a career change before you stab yourself with a dull pencil.

Jammie J. said...

My realtor let me come to my senses on my own. But, then, I wasn't bugging her twice a day, either. I just had my place listed a bit too high.

When I dropped the price $5k, I got an offer within two days. That teensy of bit made a huge difference.

Johnnie Walker said...

I know a few female real estate agents who sleep with prospective clients if that will "seal the deal."

magikgrl said...

Your in real estate? I need help. Bad. Sorry your job sucks, hopefully you'll get to stay home soon.