Thursday, October 07, 2004

Just How Dumb Are You?

How dumb do you have to be to visit a gynecologist offering free exams, who has set up shop out of a storage unit, and advertises in the back of an "alternative" newspaper? I think they should prosecute the "patients."

I mean really.

New Topic:

People were wondering why I called Jethro, "Jethro." No special reason. I put less than no thought into it. I happened to be listening to my stepdad's Jethro Tull CD when I wrote my first blog entry, and I never expected to go public which is probably why I didn't mention his race in the beginning. When I did go public, I kept the name because it had come to mean something to me. He grew up first in Texarkana, then in Humble, TX. No matter what your background, race or culture, you can't grow up in those places and not end up a little bit of a Jethro. As I've stated, Cracker is a hard culture to ignore. Besides, it is kind of funny to see an Asian guy named Jethro. Plays into (or against) all kinds of whacky stereotypes, which appealed to me. I'm amused, dammit.

New Topic:

Emma (the baby) has a stuffed tiger she calls her "Jagwater." She means jaguar. She brings it everywhere. Last night, I had to convice her to leave it in the car while we ate at Luby's. She cried and cried and said, "Bye, Jagwatew" in the most plaintive, wrenching little voice (she can't say her "r"s). The child could make you jump off a cliff.

Gwennie is a stubborn little fighter and just like me in temperment. We are constantly at odds, but Jethro is her slave. Emma is just like Jethro. A heartbreaking little manipulator. Jethro is somewhat immune, but I can deny her nothing.

Love 'em. Love, love, love 'em. Can't wait to have more. I actually thought we might be, but it was a false alarm. I was disappointed. Jeth was so sweet, though. He really doesn't want to have more, at least not until he is out of school. I can't say I blame him. Our house is too small, the cars are too small, and we have no money. For some strange biological reason, I was still disappointed. Jethro knew it, and gave me a hug, and promised we'd try for a boy the second he got a decent job. Made me horny all over again. Damn him.



20 comments:

jp said...

Like you wouldn't have been horny anyhow.

J. said...

Nothing is free. And certainly not gynecological exams. Duh.

Opaco said...

Your sex drive amazes me. I would give anything to have a bottle of your stuff to share with someone. Damn girl!

Zelda said...

JP - Don't give me grief about it. I'm sensitive.

Jeanette - Can you believe it?!

Opaco - I'm free, over 18, and married. What's to stop me?

Opaco said...

trust me, i wasn't saying there is anything wrong with your sex drive, in now way was i.

i was just saying that i am jealous.

Zelda said...

Opaco - I know. I mean, I know you were just teasing. It's cool. :-)

jp said...

Z - Anything short of you being horny 24/7 would come as a complete shock to me.

Trashman said...

So. I shouldn't have gone to that prostate exam behind the grocery store?

Zelda said...

JP - I do rather live in a constant state of orgasmic bliss.

Trashman - How unfortunate.

J. said...

I'm sure those free gyn exams have shown up somewhere on the Internet. I mean, come on, upskirts shots on the sly have shown up. Trashman, sorry, prostate exams don't sell as well as, uh, well, you know.

Jethro said...

Trashman - I told you, I needed extra credit for my physical exam class. It was our little secret remember?

Lisa said...

Awww Zelda, it'll be OK. Just don't have one of those chop shop coochie exams and we'll all be OK.

Angi said...

YOu better be careful, you'll wind up with 5 girls to go with my 5 boys.

YOu know you have to assume a "certain" position to get boys. Wanna guess which one it is?

Jethro said...

Angi - OH REALLY?! By all means...Speak!

Zelda said...

Lisa - No danger there. My doc is in a nice, plush office and he keeps a poster of Jon Bon Jovi on the ceiling.

Angi - Yes, do tell. We need us a boy to do the chores.

Inanna said...

Anyone who is stupid enough to go to a crotch-watcher behind a mall deserves to be online. I'm like you Zelda... 24/7 but no Jethro yet...

Angi said...

A friend of mine's gyno told her if she wanted a boy after having 3 girls, she had to make sure they did it doggie style. Helps the male swimmers reach the destination better. It worked for her, #3 was a boy. Us, well, that happens to be a favorite around here, so no wonder we got all boys. TOmmy says it was because he thought "boy, boy, boy" all the time, and refused to think "girl" .

Zelda said...

We never tried for either of the girls so it was just luck of the draw. Doggie's not my favorite in the whole world, but I guess I could suffer through it for the money shot. :-)

J. said...

Suffer? LOL! You know my old GYN used to keep pictures of Tom Cruise on the ceiling. It was so weird. It made me wonder if Tom knew how he was being abused. Ha.

Zelda said...

I know no one will read these comments ever again, but ANGI - didn't that make you a little nervous to have your man drilling you from behind thinking, "BOY BOY BOY"