Monday, December 13, 2004


#1. I took my eldest daughter to a birthday party the other day. It was at a pottery studio. All the kids got to pick out a piece of pottery, paint it, and have it glazed. Loads of fun. I stayed there with Gwennie the whole time, and we painted a butterfly box. We had to leave it there for a few days, and I was going to pick it up on Monday. I guess the party girl's parents picked it up for us, because Gwennie comes home Monday with the box. But it isn't the one we painted. This one was ugly. I know it shouldn't be that big a deal, but we had such a good time painting it together, that I'm really disappointed we don't have it. I suppose I could make a big cry baby out of myself and talk to the girl's mom, but I don't want to. I just hope Gwennie doesn't notice.

#2. I had a lady call me last Thursday to schedule an appointment to list her house with my stepdad. Fine. It was set for Friday at 1:00pm. She calls 10 minutes prior, and cancels. Not so fine. She calls me 10 minutes ago, and says that the realtor she had called first had finally gotten back to her and she was going to use them instead. Not fine at all. She took 5 minutes of my life to tell me that she was going to use some loser realtor who didn't even have the common courtesy to return her call promptly. ARRRRGGGHHHH.

#3. Gwennie's school rainy day dismissal is chaos, bordering on panic. I sloshed all over the outside of the school in the pouring rain looking for my daughter. Even with the umbrella, we were soaked. When we finally made it back to the car, we found a little girl crying in the pouring rain. She had walked across the street by herself to look for her mom. I asked her if she was lost and she said, "No, my mom is."

I laughed and told her we'd find her. I walked her and both my kids back across the street in the pouring rain to look for the kid's mother. When I go to cross the driveway of the school, the teacher who monitors traffic screamed through her bullhorn that we had to use the crosswalk. I'm not lying when I tell you that the crosswalk was less than a foot away from where we were crossing. "You've got to be kidding!" I screamed back.


No good deed goes unpunished.

I've never come so close to giving a teacher the finger.

We moved over a few inches and crossed at the crosswalk. As we walked inside the school, the girl saw her mother talking to another lady about some nonsensical social function. "Mommy!" yelled the little girl. The mom absently put her hand on the little girl's head and continued with her conversation. No acknowledgement whatsoever. Her first grader was literally wandering the street by herself in the rain, with no protection. A stranger had to help her, and the stupid cow didn't have the common courtesy to even acknowledge the situation. Hanging's too good for some people.

#4. Seven, after reading my blog and not seeing my picture, cast his vision of me as this: Medium brown hair, tallish, medium build. Voice=bold and brassy, almost bossy, but pleasant.

If I were to take the description literally, it means I'm completely nondescript except when I open my mouth to boss people around, possibly in a maternal way. Not exactly flattering.

If I were to take this description figuratively (which I'm very much afraid it is), I'm visualized as a 300 lb, bossy bar wench, screaming obscenities and tossing beer. Pleasant, maybe if a mob has held me down long enough to give me an elephant tranquilizer.

I don't hold any of this against Seven who can't help what my writing conjurs up in his mind, but DAMN! EGO KILL. It's my writing. I swear too much. Maybe I should brag more instead. Or talk about how I get hit on by men of the Latino persuasion on a regular basis. Nah. Jeth would start practicing his Tae Kwon Do and cleaning his gun, and I see him little enough as it is.

3 more days 'til sweet liberation (Jethro's exams will be over).


Diane Anjoue said...

Zelda, This is great! I clicked on Next Blog after mine and originally I stopped to read because my best friend lives in Houston and your brief bio reminded me of her.... Then I read through your latest entry and I couldn't quit laughing because you sound exactly like the two of us!!!!!!!!! I plan to book mark your blog and come back to read more!!!

Thanks for the laugh, and damn those latinos....! LOL

Zelda said...

Thank You! It's always a pleasure to get a comment like that. I'll check out your blog in a bit.

Actually, I like Latino men. They're utterly degrading and flattering at the same time - an intersting dichotomy.

se7en said...

Wow, someone has a "Next Blog" button thats not broken. I wanted to change mine to say "Next Blog That Sucks" but it looked like too much trouble +

Turf said...

I hate parents that dont pay attention to their kids.. you should have slapped the bitch!


On : 12/13/2004 4:59:40 PM Seven (www) said:

Stumbled across Payasita Politico by accident and I am impressed to say the least. Now I have to form a whole new... ahh n/m. hehe

All I can say is don't pay any attention to me, because I'm a dumbass!


On : 12/13/2004 5:01:29 PM Inanna (www) said:

The cow should have been splashed with ice cold water. Hope she was!! And whoever took Gwennie's box better give it back and I think you should call. And I thought you were a bossy bar wench, screaming obscenities and tossing beer ( minus the 300 lbs. thing) If that's not the case I'm not sure I can continue to frequent your blog...


On : 12/13/2004 5:16:46 PM Angi (www) said:

Amen Inannna.

Call the mom with the box, and tell her there must have been some sort of mix-up, the box you did was WAYYYYYY cuter than the one they gave you.


On : 12/13/2004 5:23:52 PM Zelda (www) said:

Seven - I adore you. And you live in New Orleans, which is enough to redeem you all by itself.

Inanna - She made me want to scream. I don't think the box was taken on purpose and there were about 16 kids at the party. It wouldn't be prudent. And I'm not a bossy bar wench, but I'd kind of like to be. I think that desire is what lends itself to my blog more than anything else.


On : 12/13/2004 5:25:45 PM Zelda (www) said:

Angi - You're a good soul. I don't think the box is worth the trouble it would be to track down the correct one.


On : 12/13/2004 6:08:13 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Since we're talking about stupid people who scream stupid things at people, I must confess. I am turning your comment section into a confessional because I am too embarrassed to confess on my blog.

I went postal today.

I was waiting in line to park at the post office (one way in, one way out parking lot). People kept going to their cars and sitting or going to their car to get something and going back into the post office. So when my turn came to get the next spot, I waited at the edge of the parking lot.

The woman behind me sees someone go to their car, she pulls around me, stops and then takes their spot. SHE TOOK CUTS!

I get the next spot and as I walk past her, I tell her "You realize you took cuts, right?" Instead of apologizing, she says (in broken English) "You no drive right way. When caws leave you to pull up and then pawk. You sit there, not pulling up." I explained the aforemention detail of people not leaving and she then said "No, you drive wrong" and then went off into a yelling rant at me. I interrupted her and said "Listen, lady, the day that you can speak proper English in America is the day that I will allow you to critique my driving skills in my country." There was a guy who heard the whole thing and applauded me as I got into my car and drove away. Actually, I'm not sure if he was applauding my speech or the fact that we almost had a CAT FIGHT!

Did I mention that she followed me out of the post office door? Yep. Instead of holding it for her, I slammed it on her. I even entertained the thought of pushing it shut and holding her hostage in the stupid post office. Anyway, I'm experiencing post fight remorse and needed to confess.


On : 12/13/2004 6:49:28 PM Zelda (www) said:

Jeanette - He he. I can see why you were driven crazy. Unfortunately, there was nothing you could do unless you wanted to go to jail.

One thing I have learned when dealing with (I am presuming Asian) immigrants is that their minds cannot be changed. No matter how logically you put forth your argument, theirs' is a will that will not bend. They may smile and nod, or they may curse at you in pidgin Englisn, but they will not be swayed from the path they have chosen. You will have to bludgeon them to death. It is the only way. And in this country, it will land your ass in prison. So take comfort in the fact that we live in a morally superior society governed by logic and one that protects us from bludgeon weilding psychopaths in post office parking lots.


On : 12/13/2004 7:45:08 PM Seven (www) said:

oh my! I'm adored. I feel so so... so special!

You ladies are quite nutso oh and silly too!


On : 12/13/2004 8:38:25 PM Kate the Peon (www) said:

Zelda, there's nothing wrong with swearing like a trucker. Or a sailor. Or a post office worker. Or a school bus driver. Or a...what else swears a lot???


On : 12/13/2004 9:02:21 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Gah. The thing is, I've been riddled with guilt by how I acted. The door slamming thing was soooo immature of me. It was so unlike me. But then, I rethink the stuff she was saying, and I start fuming all over again ... she COULD have just said "sorry" or something. That's what I would have done, you know? I just need to let it go.

But, THEN, I think "Oh gawwwd, what if I see her there again? She's got a post office box in the same place that I do!"

Seven -- We are NOT nutso! We just have opinions. :P


On : 12/13/2004 9:05:38 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Oh, and I think she was Asian. I'm not too sure. She wasn't Hispanic (a rarity in my area). I truly only noticed her nationality because I had to keep asking "What?" because I could hardly understand her.

On second thought, I should have just kept saying "What?" What?" over and over again. Maybe THAT would have driven her nuts.


On : 12/13/2004 9:49:32 PM Zelda (www) said:

Seven - I know you have a thing for silly women, but don't go hyperventilating.

Kate - Swearing (for me) is supposed to convey some type of emotion. There's only something wrong with it if it gives people a different impression from that which you intend.

Jeanette - I know how you feel. There are situations I relive over in my head and it makes me just as mad as if it happened yesterday.


On : 12/14/2004 7:39:41 AM Kat (www) said:

I know of many men who find very strong-willed, opinionated, well-spoken (and cussing) women to be a gift from God. I think that you are not only extremely entertaining, but informative, too, as well as an all-around good person.


On : 12/14/2004 8:17:27 AM Zelda (www) said:

Thanks Kat. That's really nice to hear.


On : 12/14/2004 9:59:34 AM Inanna (www) said:

You're all good Z.


On : 12/14/2004 12:21:20 PM Seven (www) said:

People that are discourteous for no visible reason are the worse to run into. And then they try to explain their actions when confronted it's not logical at all. People are just built different I guess. I find it extremely annoying but they make great blog fodder, don't they? I didn't say so in my blog but I went to Walmart the other day just to look for blog ammo, lol Hell, you gotta laugh that sort of thing off or it will make you do boing, boing noises in your head.


On : 12/14/2004 12:50:13 PM jp (www) said:

Wow, that's a lot of grievances. Justifiable ones, but grievances nonetheless.

And Jeanette, you're so much nicer than I am.


On : 12/14/2004 1:15:28 PM Zelda (www) said:

JP - Hence the title "Grievances"


On : 12/14/2004 1:28:39 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Did I ever tell you about the old east coast Jewish woman who took cuts in front of me at Walmart? Why do people take cuts on me? Do I look that nice?


On : 12/14/2004 2:17:51 PM Zelda (www) said:

Jeanette - Little old Jewish women are the deadliest. I feel a moral obligation to walk at least 10 feet in front of my grandmother to warn the innocent of her approach.


On : 12/14/2004 2:47:53 PM jp (www) said:

Z - in all honesty, it just seems like you need some Jethro lovin to me.


On : 12/14/2004 3:13:35 PM Zelda (www) said:

JP - Ya think?


On : 12/14/2004 3:19:17 PM Jeanette (www) said:

What I really want to know is why the Old Jewish Woman (notice I capitalized for respect) went to Walmart in the first place. Why does that sound like a "chicken crossed the road" joke?


On : 12/14/2004 4:45:44 PM jp (www) said:

Man, someone give that woman a HUGE orgasm. She's really, really cranky.


On : 12/14/2004 6:07:51 PM Jethro (www) said:

JP - done. She's out cold right now with a huge smile on her sweet little sleeping face.


On : 12/14/2004 6:14:36 PM Zelda (www) said:



On : 12/14/2004 10:47:45 PM Jay (www) said:

oh for god's sake, call the fucking mother! tell her you feel terrible that you have some other child's box and want to return it and get yours because you know how much yours means to the two of you and it likely means the same to the two of whomever.


lemme know if you need me for anything else. :)


On : 12/14/2004 11:13:53 PM Zelda (www) said:

Thanks, Jay. I will.

I would have a good opportunity at the Christmas party on Friday. We'll see if I can do it without making too much of an ass out of myself.


On : 12/15/2004 11:01:44 AM jp (www) said:

Jeth - Niiiice.


On : 12/15/2004 4:06:47 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Bwaahaahaa -- good one, Jethro. (Mostly, just wanted to make your comments a nice even 30.) :)


On : 12/16/2004 5:10:33 PM Gary (www) said:

I had an old lady ask me at the queue in the supermarket today:
"Do you mind if I go in front of you, I've only got a basket full of things"
The fact that all I had in my hand was a sandwich had escaped her ... tsk, the old people of today!