Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Pretty In Pink: YOU NOT SUPPOTO SEE DAT!!!

When Jethro and I were first dating, he was in his last year of college and living with three roommates. They were all a little strange, but Hung To was definitely the strangest. He was a little fellow, aged 19, but literally looked about 10 or 12. The mere sight of him behind a steering wheel was enough to scare the bejeezus out of you. He was Asian (of course) had lived in France for most of his life, but spoke English with the worst accent you have ever heard. I spent hours with him trying to help him say his L's and R's correctly, just for my own amusement. He could say them correctly, but he always, without fail, mixed them up. To this day, I can't figure out why they are mixed up so easily by Asian folks. He was so dyslexic about it that I finally told him just to reverse the letters in his head. Every time a word was spelled with an r, he was to think l and vice versa. This approach was marginally more successful.

I do digress, however.

Hung was a perverted little shit, but he worshipped Jethro with a devotion that can only be understood by small Asian men who have hero-worshipped taller Asian men with girlfriends who were putting out.

And all his hero worship didn't prevent him from trying to catch Jethro and I in the act. He was devoted to this mission. Jeth and I would close the door to the bedroom and lock it and hear the little "scritch scratches" of him trying to pick the lock. On one particularly disgusting occasion, we heard a zipper unzipping. Actually, that was pretty funny.

One night, Jethro and I were in the room, and we heard Hung outside the door.

"Make some moaning noises," said the intrepid hero.

"Oh God, oh God, right there, OOOOOO, oh Jethro, yes, yes......"

Jethro tiptoed to the door and flung it wide. Hung practically somersaulted into the room, grinning adoringly at Jethro with his little hand in his little pants.

Gross, but really funny especially in the retelling.

I paid him back though.

One afternoon, I was off of work and Hung and I were alone in the apartment. Pretty in Pink was on tv, so Hung and I watched it together.

Now if there is anything I took away from Pretty In Pink, it is that it was a totally innocuous movie. The plot was minimal, the characters shallow, and it was oh-so-dated. The last scene in the movie is a rather chaste kiss between Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy. Nothing to write home about.

The movie ended, and Hung tore out of the room.

"Weird little fucker," I thought.

I headed down the hall to the bedroom, and there I saw. Hung had flung himself on his bed, and covered both himself and what appeared to be a hummingbird, with his blanket.

"What the....?"

The "hummingbird" was moving faster than I had ever seen one move. Hung's eyes were closed and there was a pained expression on his face.

He isn't. He COULDN'T BE. He IS. Oh geez.

"HUNG! What the hell are you doing?"

The hummingbird activity ceased abruptly. Hung sat straight up in bed.

"OH! YOU NOT SUPPOTO SEE DAT!"

"Well then shut the goddam door!"

1 comment:

COMMENT THIS said...

On : 12/15/2004 12:33:19 PM Kat (www) said:


What in the hell was the hummingbird????????

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On : 12/15/2004 12:34:06 PM Kat (www) said:


Oh...

His hand??? I think?

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On : 12/15/2004 12:43:56 PM Zelda (www) said:


It was his tiny little hand,

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On : 12/15/2004 1:03:09 PM Gooch (www) said:


Yeah, very odd choice of film to beat off to. If you two had been watching "Showgirls", maybe I could understand.

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On : 12/15/2004 3:12:32 PM allison (www) said:


oh see, i was thinking about something entirely different and battery operated with the hummingbird thing

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On : 12/15/2004 4:03:16 PM Angi (www) said:


Poor little guy. It probably wasn't the movie, it was probably watchign the movie with you.

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On : 12/15/2004 4:07:39 PM Jeanette (www) said:


I have no confessions to make on this post.

In fact, I don't think I'll feel much like having sex for awhile after reading this post.

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On : 12/15/2004 4:24:53 PM Zelda (www) said:


Gooch - Wasn't it?

Allison - Nope. It was just good, old-fashioned meat beating.

Angi - I know. The stimulation was just overwhelming.

Jeamette - It wasn't that bad - it just wasn't as private as it should have been. The little sinner.



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On : 12/15/2004 5:25:26 PM Seven (www) said:


Although Molly Ringwald was cute in that movie, I seriously doubt he was jackin off to that. Guys just don't think "cute" when they are in to that action lol. At least this guy don't!

Zelda you can't deny it! You are one hot chick!

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On : 12/15/2004 6:34:06 PM Zelda (www) said:


Seven - You're so sweet to flatter me after my bad day. I don't know how I know this, but it really was Molly Ringwald. It's kind of a combination of remembering how guys beat off to her in the 80s and knowing that he would have beat off to Kathy Bates if he'd seen her nude.

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On : 12/15/2004 7:10:17 PM Seven (www) said:


aaahhhHH my eyes, my poor poor eyes!!! Kathy Bates, omfg!

Je dis encore, vous suis une dame chaude!



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On : 12/15/2004 8:45:05 PM Jethro (www) said:


Seven - French is one of the languages that I do speak. I'm watching you!

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On : 12/15/2004 11:26:54 PM Seeker (www) said:


Zelda you fuckin perv

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On : 12/16/2004 4:44:24 AM Trashman (www) said:


Jethro why in the hell do you speak french. Don't you know we hate the french.

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On : 12/16/2004 7:03:26 AM Inanna (www) said:


Hummingbird... hummer... bird... I thougth it was his little tiny.. bird..

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On : 12/16/2004 7:34:07 AM jethro (www) said:


Seeker -

Trashman - I knew someone would give him grief for that.

Inanna - It a combination of the two tinies. Think how funny it would be if his little bird moved like that all on its own!

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On : 12/16/2004 7:35:36 AM zelda (www) said:


Ok, not like you wouldn't be able to tell but that was I who posted those responses.

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On : 12/16/2004 9:23:48 AM jethro (www) said:


Trash - It's not like I'm happy about it. But it may be useful someday to know what those sad little froggies are saying.

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On : 12/16/2004 9:49:42 AM Kat (www) said:


Hahaha! Jethro just cock blocked. Bien fait pour toi, monsieur. Et le petit Sept n'est pas le meilleur au Fracais...

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On : 12/16/2004 11:35:57 AM Jay (www) said:


is that seeker up there? where the fuck has he been?

fuck french. spanish baby. donde esta mi burrito?

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On : 12/16/2004 12:25:53 PM Angi (www) said:


Why didn't I take a language in school? I'm lost here people, all I speak is redneck.

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On : 12/16/2004 12:58:23 PM jethro (www) said:


Kat - Et tu aussi? Je sais...je sais. Je ne veux dire quelque chose.

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On : 12/16/2004 12:59:12 PM jethro (www) said:


Kat - Et tu aussi? Je sais...je sais. Je ne veux pas dire quelque chose.

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On : 12/16/2004 12:59:50 PM jethro (www) said:


oops even I make mistakes too.

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On : 12/16/2004 1:03:26 PM Inanna (www) said:


No, I do not want to think about hummingbirds or tiny dicks moving like hummingbirds.

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On : 12/16/2004 1:11:33 PM jethro (www) said:


Kat - not you too!!!

Jay - Me gusta "pescadita" para tu pene como una metafora.

Angi - Nothing wrong with redneck. It's a forgotten dialect.

Jethro - That's it. I demand translations all around.

Inanna - I don't imagine you would. (I just love that emoticon).

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On : 12/16/2004 1:25:41 PM Seven (www) said:


Kat - Le ya I savent que je suce au Français, mais c'est amusement immobile

Zelda - J'ai été inquiété là. J'ai pensé que Jethro pourrait vraiment être fou à moi.

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On : 12/16/2004 2:15:11 PM Kat (www) said:


Oui, oui, c'est amusant!

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On : 12/16/2004 3:56:00 PM Jethro (www) said:


Seven - hahahaha! Merde! Pardon moi! En Francais: Hown! Hown! Hown! Hown! Hown!

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On : 12/16/2004 5:03:14 PM Gary (www) said:


Does na'm byd sydd yn cythruddo dyn yn fwy na merch yn ei ddal yn halio

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On : 12/16/2004 5:03:46 PM Gary (www) said:


Top story by the way ... but Pretty in Pink ...??

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On : 12/17/2004 2:20:53 PM Zelda (www) said:


Gary, it boggles the mind.

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On : 12/20/2004 2:37:25 PM Ciggy (www) said:


Any guy who would rub one out to Molly Ringwald is in dire need of better porn. Tell him to get his credit card out, go here, and make me (the photographer of that site) rich.

Oh, and even though we hate the French, cela ne veut pas dire qu'on ne peut pas les traiter d'especes de cons en leur langue maternelle. Ils sucent la bite arabe, les "farani ihu taioro" comme disent les tahitiens.



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On : 12/20/2004 2:40:09 PM Ciggy (www) said:


farani ihu taioro: Tahitian slang for "French with noses like foreskins" (a reference to how long and droopy their noses tend to be)