Tuesday, May 10, 2005

No Pants for You

I hate not having time to blog. Blog entries run through my head over the most mundane things and it's hard to concentrate. So I have decided that it is functionally necessary for me to blog and I will continue.

Last Friday, I had to go to Jethro's school so another man could get all intimate with me. Interns aren't allowed to work on their own spouses and have it count for anything, so Jeth and his friend, Nelson, swapped wives.

All I have to say is that those interns had better work on their bedside manner. Firstly, they're all standing around and they stare at you particularly if you are in a hospital gown. I don't think they even realize they're doing it.

I had to have a series of x-rays, so I had to take of my bra and top. Well fucking excuse me for not wanting to parade (sober) around a bunch of leering interns without support. I wanted to tell them to turn the fuck around and go adjust their dicks, but I was sufficiently intimidated by my topless state into keeping my mouth shut.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Jethro and Nelson decided to discuss with the radiologist, in front of people whether or not I should remove my pants. Fuck those idiots with their own model skeletons. The pants I was wearing were thinner than the hospital gown and had no metal in them, which I pointed out to their complete disregard.

They finally decided that I did indeed need to remove my pants and told me so, loudly, slowly and in front of another patient and the ghastly leering interns, as if I were deaf, retarded, and I hadn't been standing 5 inches away from the entire conversation.

Then I had to go give blood and a urine sample. The blood was taken without incident. Unfortunately, I dropped my urine sample in the toilet. I came out empty handed and decided that since everyone was pretty much aware of all my business anyway, I would announce the fact. "No pee for you."

So that was pretty much it. The adjustments and the therapy made up for that entire process and my shoulder feels better than it has in years.

14 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh... the humility... *snort*

Jethro said...

Nelson asked me without anyone around (You were behind the door so how could you know?) if I knew whether or not pants were required to come off for a lumbar series of X-rays. I said, "I don't know". Now, the radiology technician, I agree that she could've used more discretion.

Zelda said...

Lisa - Humiliation is always good for a laugh.

Jethro - How would I have known what you were talking about if I hadn't heard you? You ALL could have used more discretion.

Zelda said...

Take it as constructive criticism and we'll all be better off.

Jethro said...

We were the only ones in the hallway when we were talking. The door was open. No one could've heard us except you. Nelson and I were both aware of our surroundings.

Zelda said...

I wasn't talking about there. You all discussed it again right outside the x-ray room where all the interns were hanging out and the other patient was waiting.

Seriously. You didn't do anything wrong, but if your patients feel uncomfortable, they won't go back to see you. Constructive criticism, dear.

Jethro said...

Oh, and I do take it as constructive criticism. However, I want you to be aware that Nelson and I were both concerned for your privacy. Again, there were others who could use a lesson in discretion, but rest assured that there are some who understand the concept.

Zelda said...

No you weren't. You may think you were, but you weren't. Like I said, you didn't do anything wrong exactly, but you weren't very discreet either. Just something to work on for the future.

Michelle said...

(Well fucking excuse me for not wanting to parade (sober) around a bunch of leering interns without support)

This cracked me up!!! I'm glad your shoulder feels better anyway :) It's funny with as many doctors, midwives and interns that have seen my cooter while giving birth to so many kids, the thought of standing bare breasted in front of a bunch of interns makes me nervous... weird huh? I'd much rather they need to do a cooter exam on me! LOL

Jethro said...

Yes we were. In front of the x-ray room, we didn't discuss that. We were discussing mA, voltage, and time necessary for the exposure. The only person who mentioned your pants was the technician. I know what we were discussing, dear.

Zelda said...

I am submissive as always to your will and opnions, oh dearest husband who doth provide the much needed fodder for my worthless blog.

Angi said...

Oooooohhhh, Zelda's submissin' to Jethro, what is the world coming too?

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

This is why I can't be a doc. I'd have piped stripper music into the radiology sound system as the pants came off...

Zelda said...

Cig - That would have made things less tense. But I don't think most docs have that much of a sense of humor.