Friday, January 28, 2005

LET ME CLARIFY

I shave it. Yes I do. Let me make that perfectly clear. My last post was a facetious suggestion that we genetically purge pubic hair from mankind so we don't have to deal with the ingrown hairs, and nicks, and general unpleasantness of having it around.

But I do know how to get rid of mine, or at least make Jethro get rid of mine. And for anyone who hasn't tried it with their parther, all I can say is ya-fucking-hoo! I don't want people thinking I'm some inept person who walks around all fuzzy.

Which brings me to a story. You know that stuff NADS? I'm sure everyone has seen and made fun of the infomercial with the Aussie ladies hocking their product. Well, being a sucker and intrigued with the fact that you could also eat the product, I bought it. It was delicious, but ineffective. In retrospect I probably should have tried it out on a leg first, but no. I went right for the portal of life. Incidentally it is kind of funny to be smearing something called NADS on your schmoobie.

I followed all the instructions carefully, making sure it was a little warm, smearing it on in the proper direction, dutifully rubbing it three times. Then for the moment of truth.

"Here goes nothing," I thought.

*RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP!*

"MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH CAPITALISM!!!! MOTHER-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCKING OW!!! THOSE BITCHES!! THOSE FUCKING UNETHICAL AUSSIE BITCHES!!!"

Droplets of blood appeared and the hair was still attached! I gave up the endeavor in sheer agony.

I think I've used my NADS twice since then and both times in was in a culinary capacity.

11 comments:

fleece said...

In as much as I sympathize with you on the non-hair INCREDIBLE PAIN INDUCING moment, I have to say I'm happy to see another woman whose hair defies Nads. I tried that stuff too, on my legs and no go.

On another note, the facial hair Nads works very nicely on the eyebrows, provided my hands don't slip and I wind up giving myself four mini-brows instead.

I like the design, especially the pic. Reminds me of A. Roquelare's (aka Anne Rice) Sleeping Beauty.

Kate the Peon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kate the Peon said...

I'm confused - is NADS something you eat or rub on your crotchal areas? It really shouldn't be both.

Love the new template.

Little Boy said...

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micki said...

I like the new pic too. It's nice. Sorry, I thought maybe you could give advice for that? Won't do that again, I promise.

tinyhands said...

Kate- Are you HIGH? Eating and rubbing something on the crotchal area go together like...shit, like two things that go really well together.

Z- I'm curious. What does your NADS taste like? I hope it's better than peachfish.

Demon Queen said...

I love it when HE shaves me...

Of course he only gets half done and then wants to go at it, but I have gotten better about not giving in and making him finish...

Zelda said...

Thanks everyone about the design. Seven is a golden god.

Fleece - I'm glad you didn't test the NADS anywhere else.

Kate - Both. And you're right.

Little Boy - Thank you whoever you are, but you really ought to be a little more manly. I don't even know 12 year olds who would call themselves Little Boy. Something ain't right there.

Micki - Now you know. I'm not a role model. :-)

Tinyhands - I don't know if it is that simple, but you make a point. NADS tastes like a honey/sugar mix. I think it has other stuff in it too and it says it's edible. It's something I'd consider spreading on my toast, but never again on the cho cha.

DQ - I kind of like that too. And I don't think we've finshed yet. Oh well.

Lisa said...

LMAO. I understand. I bought NADS a few years ago, but could never bring myself to rub it on the kit-kat.

And after trying my leg and having it bruise beyond recognition, I am very... very... very glad I didn't.

COMMENT THIS said...

On : 1/28/2005 6:22:30 PM Fleece (www) said:


Dude. I am ONE impatient sheep, eh? I commented on the blogger comments because this wasn't up yet. Heehee!

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On : 1/28/2005 6:28:18 PM Gooch (www) said:


Like the new look.

Here's a very personal confession I'm making for the first time on your blog: My chest is w/o hair. I like to show off my mus-kels. I used "NAIR" one time and discovered that while burning like hell and smelling terrible, removing hair it did not.

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On : 1/28/2005 6:58:38 PM Fleece (www) said:


Gooch!!! Nair is nasty, nasty, nasty! But your comment made me laugh.

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On : 1/28/2005 7:19:30 PM Jack (www) said:


LIke the new look, but...SWEET MOTHER OF GOD IT'S WAY TOO PINK OVER HERE!!! PEPTO BISMOL PINK!!! Other than that, looking gooooood.

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On : 1/28/2005 7:55:16 PM Fleece (www) said:


Jack! If you think this is too pink, the thoughts you must have of my blog!

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On : 1/28/2005 8:01:54 PM Trashman (www) said:


Someday I will learn not to be drinking anything when I read your post. LOL

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On : 1/28/2005 8:11:39 PM Ciggy (www) said:




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On : 1/28/2005 8:13:23 PM seven (www) said:


looks grreeaat! hehe but i am biased LOL

nice post!! grrrr that pesky pube hair, it just gets in the way!!!



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On : 1/28/2005 8:28:21 PM Inanna (www) said:


I love it!! I think its just the right shade of pink... love the fairytale theme... LOVE IT!!! Oh, about your post.... ow.

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On : 1/28/2005 9:53:51 PM Jethro (www) said:


Seven - I am impressed! This blogspot looks great!

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On : 1/28/2005 10:37:54 PM angi (www) said:


ROTFL @ Zelda, sorry, I know that had to be painful, but honestly, I thought you had more smarts than that. lol. Were you drunk?

I like the new look, Good Job Seven.



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On : 1/29/2005 7:08:59 AM Zelda (www) said:


Apparantly not, Angi.

Seven is awesome.

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On : 1/29/2005 9:28:25 AM Ren (www) said:


I did the Avon wax kit on my legs. I wasn't brave enough to wax the golden area.

ITA, fuzzy hoo-ha's ain't cool

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On : 1/29/2005 10:56:10 AM Zelda (www) said:


Fleece - Better twice than never.

Gooch - Nair is painful, Jewish hair is stubborn, and that is a funny story.

Jack - You're such a boy! I wanted the pink a bit lighter, but I like it like this. You'll just have to get used to there being a world that doesn't involve handguns, playstations, and olive green.

Fleece - I love your site. It definitely not a pepto color.

Trashman - Sorry dude!

Cig -

Inanna - I'm very flattered, but all credit goes to seven

Jeth - He rocks.

Ren - I wouldn't even think about waxing the hoo-ha. NADS was bad enough.

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On : 1/29/2005 12:58:32 PM Beckie (www) said:


I'm with you Zelda, I go to smooth solutions, and I've already done my underarms and lower legs (my upper legs didn't qualify do to light white hair won't work). My coochie's next, but I'm not sure I'd do the whole thing. Maybe make a landing strip?

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On : 1/30/2005 4:16:03 PM angi (www) said:


I went and looked NADS up, I couldn't help it. They have a sqweegy! I always wanted a sqweegy for my legs. https://www.nads.com/norder.cfm

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On : 1/30/2005 9:27:32 PM Jeanette (www) said:


All I can say, girl, is that you made my eyes tear up with that story.

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On : 1/31/2005 3:04:27 AM Johnnie Walker (www) said:


Shaved? That's HOT!

Jethro is immensely thankful, I'm sure!

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On : 1/31/2005 7:55:56 AM Zelda (www) said:


Beckie - I actually agree with Howard Stern (something that so rarely happens, that when it does I have to take note) that the "landing strip" looks more like a Hitler mustache.

Angi - The squeegie does look fun

Jeanette - Aw dry up.

Johnnie - Jethro is extremely INVOLVED.

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On : 1/31/2005 12:52:46 PM jp (www) said:


I have one word for you - OUCH!!!

Oh and I love the new look.

Anonymous said...

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spaghetti alla carbonara