Thursday, April 06, 2006

Zelda Morning

I've had an interesting morning. Bearing in mind that I have had insomnia for a month and am not a morning person anyway, I have been really out of it lately. I can get Gwennie and Emma to school on time (with Jethro's help), but I am invariably going to look like death. I just can't get ready in time to present a decent, nay human appearance.

Today was no exception. I threw on a pair of Jethro's old and crumbling pj bottoms sans undies, decided against a bra and left with Something About Mary hair. I have no shame.

So to make a long story short, as I walked out of Emma's school, I felt a slight breeze. I looked down and the flap of Jethro's pj bottoms had sagged open and there was the pooter for all to see. We're talking a fairly R rated visual.

I think it speaks well of my apathy that I made a kind of half-hearted swipe at it and then just got in the car.

I forgot about it while dodging the inbred morons who are the only ones who seem to be able to get drivers licences.

When I got home, I encountered the next-door child molester leaving for a job interview. I accidentally flashed him.

What? It's not like he's interested.


AlliCadem said...

You're awesome. I'm almost to that point of not giving a shit of what people think, but still worry that I'll see someone I know and then my 'wonderful' reputation would be tainted....

Zelda said...

Okay, next time we get together, it's for breakfast, way early in the morning...
No ulterior motives at all. :D
Sam | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 11:46 am | #


It's your stomach, man.
Zelda | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 11:51 am | #


*snort* How did you get the Something About Mary hair? Hmmmmm???
Kristin | 04.06.06 - 2:39 pm | #


It's always like that now, but IT'S NOT SPERM. It's just tangles and maybe a little food. I feel like I have to explain that. I want to get it cut, but Jethro really really likes it long.
Zelda | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 3:30 pm | #


I am glad the school didn't have you arrested for indecent exposure. Maybe next time you need to grab pj bottoms with the little button in the front flap. Then again, you need to give those other moms something to talk about.
Jen | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 4:55 pm | #


This is one Zelda incident I hope to not repeat...

I have to say though, you would have to be the talk of the neighborhood now...
Angi | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 5:24 pm | #


Jen - It did have the little button.

Angi - It was pretty grotesque. The lips were showing and everything. But I don't think anyone saw me.
Zelda | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 6:04 pm | #


Wow, I go away a week and you're flashing the neighborhood! Kinda chuckled through the whole blog entry till I got to the child molester neighbor--hope you're kidding! That would freak me out a bit--and I don't even have kids.

More reason for the death penalty if you ask me...

Your 6 year old's April Fool joke was classic! If she's already that sharp, I'm gonna pity you in about 10 years...

Well am enjoying your blog, will eventually get through all the archives.

Tater | Homepage | 04.06.06 - 7:37 pm | #


No sleep is the worst thing in the world, you poor thing.
Jeanette | Homepage | 04.07.06 - 3:12 am | #


Tater - The molesting freaks me out, but not the molester. He is such a pansy I am quite confident I could break his teeth by breaking wind. And yeah. My 6 year old is going to be the death of me.

Jeanette - I think we're on the same page, no?
Zelda | Homepage | 04.08.06 - 5:51 pm | #


Well, I haven't flashed anyone my hoohaw, but the no sleep thing I can certainly sympathize with. But you know, now that I think about it, I don't have two kids that I have to get to school either. Did I maybe just get a flash of my future? Pun intended.
Jeanette | Homepage | 04.09.06 - 12:02 am | #


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