A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bathroom

I was dragged from a peaceful sleep at 5:45 this morning by crash from outside, followed by complete darkness, followed by giggling from the bathroom. Someone had blown the neighborhood transformer which had left Jethro in the pitch black, in the middle of a #2.

He had gotten up early to study for a test he has today. As I tried to orient myself in the darkness, Jethro's voice called me plaintively from the bathroom asking me if I would find him a candle. I wasn't fully awake, so I handed him the glowing remote to the television and got back into bed.

It must have been enough for him to wipe by because the next thing I heard was some bumps and shuffeling noises in the kitchen. Feeling guilty, I got out of bed. I had to pee really bad.

Now, I have an irrational fear of snakes. My worst nightmares all involve either drowning, flying too high in the air, or snakes. Snakes are the worst though, because they haunt my days as well. I always check surreptitiously under the girls' bed just to make sure there is no 40 foot python waiting to make Gwennie and Emma his next meal. And every time I use the toilet, I look to make sure there is no snake lurking in it. Shut-up. Pitch-blackness is not conducive to this effort, so I peed in mortal fear for my ass every second.

When I was done, I groped my way to the linen closet and found an extra blanket for the girls. The long promised cold front had moved through and I was afraid they were chilly. They were. I actually thought one of them was missing - a victim of the 40 foot python - because they were snuggled so tightly together.

Then I made my way to the kitchen, quite possibly breaking a toe in the process. Jethro was searching for matches by the light of his cell phone. I helped him until I remembered that there were some in his car. We lit the candles and Jethro decided that since he had lost precious study time, he would skip his first class.

Well, what would you do if the house was quiet and candles were lit, and you didn't have to be somewhere for over an hour? I ask you. Study Abe Lincoln style, or do it doggie style (in honor of Tinyhands)?

We actually did it missionary, but it was quite nice.