Monday, January 24, 2005

An Extremely Busy Weekend Full Of Blog Potential

I'll start with Friday night. We know this couple. The husband, Nixon, is a classmate of Jethro's. His wife, Sandra, has just finished up treatment for Hodgkins disease. About a week ago, Nixon was diagnosed with colon cancer. This poor couple just can't seem to catch a break.

Because they're incredibly cool, Nixon decided to invite everyone out for one last party before he had to start fasting for his surgery (removal of his entire colon). We met up with them at a bar. Nixon was good and tipsey. All the guys were buying shots and toasting him, and all the girls were dragging him out to the dance floor and using him as their own personal stripper pole, which he seemed to enjoy in a mellow kind of way.

His wife is the most adorable girl. She looks like a little chipmunk and she has an identical twin sister. Every guy was trying to act out their twin fantasy by trying to get them to dance with them. A few got lucky.

I was sitting at the bar observing things, when I saw my sister's church choir director. I tapped him on the shoulder and told him who I was. He looked around wildly looking for some place to hide his beer. I told him not to worry. We talked for awhile, and then he left to go hunt girls. That was trippy.

About 1:30, everyone started leaving. Jethro and I had just ordered more beer, so we stuck around a while longer. Sandra's sister decided to stay with us. I thought I would try and find the choir director, as they were both quite obviously single. We went looking, but he'd gone, so we sat back down.

There was a table of about 6 guys who kept trying to make eye contact with two slutty girls on the other side of the room (not us). I guess getting a signal of affirmation, a few of the guys moved towards them. As it always is, one of the guys was reluctant and he was first cajoled, then forcibly pushed towards the slutties. One of the slutties looked at me for some reason, and I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed, "he's cool," just because I like to do things like that. The guy was still hesitating, so I went up to him and said, "For the love of God, go over there." His window of opportunity was diminishing rapidly, and I'd hate to see him lose out just because he's a total pussy.

He trotted over, and twin girl and I sat down with the friends who stayed behind. One was so kind as to dominate the coversation, loudly proclaiming his sexual approch/techniques.

"If I haven't given a woman 5 orgasms in one night, then I haven't done my job. I'll give you 5 orgasms, take you to Neiman's in the morning, but then I don't ever want to see your ass again."

I asked him if he'd had much success, and he claimed a great deal, but they always called him back. Refraining from suggesting that if he never wanted to see their asses again, perhaps he shouldn't give them his phone number, I asked him if he'd ever met a woman to whom he could not give 5 orgasms.

In reply he stated that it didn't matter how large a woman's ahem is, if a guy knows what to do, 5 shouldn't be a problem.

I made a circle with my hands and mimed putting my head through it. I was just trying to get him to laugh a little. He didn't, but his friend, who was a great deal younger and trying to play it cool, laughed compulsively and spit out a little of his drink.

Jethro came by and received usual compliments on having such an unusual wife, and we left.

It was an amusing incident, but I couldn't help feeling a little bad for the guy. Sure he was an ass, but if everything he said was true, his sex life consisted of diving into large-coochied women, taking them shopping, then trying to avoid them for the rest of his life. If it wasn't true, than it was what he aspired to and that seems even more pathetic.

SATURDAY = POLITICAL ACTIVISM in which I nearly lost a limb. I wrote about it HERE if anyone is interested. Jethro has written his perspective here.

Saturday night, I was completely exhausted, but we went out again anyway to an Irish bar downtown. I was too tired to drink and I had the unfortunate experience of seeing what a bar looks like when the lights go on while in a state of sobriety. Yuck.

Sunday we spent with the girls. Gwennie's behavior has improved so much that we took her and Emma to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate. It's all about timing at those places. 7:30 on a Sunday night was perfect. Hardly any people. And our local Chuckie maked pretty decent buffalo wings.

Once I get to writing, it seems like I can't stop. So I'll stop before I get any more mundane.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

On : 1/24/2005 3:00:22 PM micki (www) said:

I get to be first!
I have a question?? I thought the inaguration was last thursday, did I miss something? Were they protesting on the weekend following it?
I think you confused those 'poor' things with your big words. I really think if you're going to protest and/or speak out about something you should know what your talking about. Atleast be able to speak intelligently about your issue.
You have much more courage than me, I would have broke that jerk's nose or worse. They need to go back to school and repeat their civics class wherein they learn all about the constitution and the bill of rights.
What is theocracy? I haven't heard of this word.


On : 1/24/2005 3:09:44 PM Zelda (www) said:

The Houston socialists are a little more laid-back than the rest of the country - they held their protest on Saturday instead.

If you can detach yourself from the situation, it's fun for me to make them look like the rabid psychos by staying calm.

And a theocracy is a government that forces it's people to abide by the rules of a specific religion.


On : 1/24/2005 4:20:44 PM micki (www) said:

I wonder why I haven't heard that term before. I also wonder why I didn't figure out the meaning on my one. Theology=study of religion, I'm feeling a little dumb right now.


On : 1/24/2005 4:21:02 PM micki (www) said:

I wonder why I haven't heard that term before. I also wonder why I didn't figure out the meaning on my own. Theology=study of religion, I'm feeling a little dumb right now.


On : 1/24/2005 6:43:48 PM Adeel (www) said:

Way to go on the activism. I'd have voted Democrat if I lived there, but protesting an inaugaration is so lame.

There were people protesting the inaugaration here in Toronto, FFS. They interrupted a lecture hall, tussled with police and got the satisfaction of arbitrarily throwing around the word fascist.

Good on you.


On : 1/24/2005 6:50:00 PM Zelda (www) said:

They threw facist around here too. They wore black clothes, black masks, pushed us into traffic and called us fascists. The hypocrisy was evident. Thanks for the comment. And just for the record, I don't have a problem with Dems on a personal level.


On : 1/24/2005 8:21:17 PM Ciggy (www) said:

So they claim to be pacifist but are violent.

And they call US "fascist" while allying themselves with Islamofascists.

And they want free speech but only their own.

They are sick, sick little worms. I think some stamping and shovel-slapping is in order. Make 'em get a little of what they've been giving.


On : 1/24/2005 8:27:18 PM Zelda (www) said:

They really were wormy, except the guy who tried to take my sign and screamed in my face with the bullhorn. He made me want protection. Not a gentlemanly bone in his body there, and he was stalking us afterwords. I'd love to see him in a Muslin country. He wouldn't last 5 minutes before they'd chop off his tongue.


On : 1/24/2005 9:22:26 PM angi (www) said:

I tried to post a comment over on Jethro's blog, but blogger wouldn't let me.

I am so glad you are safe, they crossed the line in a major way and should be held accountable. Did you think of pressing charges?

Glad to hear Gwennie is getting better at being in public! lol. That is too funny.


On : 1/24/2005 9:31:34 PM Zelda (www) said:

No, I'm not going to press charges. I could definitely, but it isn't worth the trouble. Like the cop said when he asked if I wanted to and said no, "It's probably because you have a job."


On : 1/24/2005 10:11:28 PM Kate the Peon (www) said: triple posted.


On : 1/25/2005 12:29:35 AM Gooch (www) said:

Did you get the 5 orgasm guys number? I may need his advice. I crap out after 3 2/7ths.


On : 1/25/2005 12:32:27 AM Zelda (www) said:

No. I wouldn't have interested him. I crap out after 3 2/7ths tool.


On : 1/25/2005 3:13:02 AM Trashman (www) said:

Explain something to me. Women can have more than one orgasm? I think she should feel lucky if she gets the one. LOL


On : 1/25/2005 8:03:46 AM Zelda (www) said:

That's your game? You're very lucky to have Jen.


On : 1/25/2005 12:50:21 PM Ashley (www) said:

I haven't been to Chucky Cheese since I was a little kid... I LOVED that place! I'm trying to convince my Aunt to let me take my cousin... she thinks I should take my cousin AND all her little 5 year old friends... THAT I can't handle alone! I hate being in the bar sober... it's depressing lol.


On : 1/25/2005 1:02:19 PM Zelda (www) said:

At closing time, no less. Nothing romantic about it.


On : 1/25/2005 9:18:06 PM Lisa (www) said:

I'd love to see a copy of that Chronicle story.

Trashman... you gotta be all talk ;)


On : 1/25/2005 11:50:24 PM Zelda (www) said:

Lisa - It's online, but you have to pay a fee to read it. I'll have to see if I can scan a copy of the article.