Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Fixing Social Security/Lust For The Nice Venezuelan Girl Who Cleaned My House

If we want to reduce the number of old people sucking up social security, we should buy them all computers. They are guaranteed to shave years off their lives.

I just had an old man call me to complain about our website. He was screaming in frustration.

Our website has a feature where you can type in your home search criteria and search the homes for sale in the area you want. This is a pretty cool thing. But not for the elderly. It isn't that complicated, but the print is small, and it sometimes requires knowing where the back button is.

The problem was simple. All he'd done was search for homes with acreage instead of regular single family homes. Poor dumb guy never thought to go back and look at his options. I did my best to help him, but he was too enraged and unsophisticated in his computer skills to listen properly. At least he screamed "THANK YOU" at me before he hung up.


The Housekeeper finished all I can afford to pay her today. It looks fabulous. But I can't help feeling that it isn't quite honest clean. I had to pay someone to make my house look like it should. All in all though, 0it rests lightly on my conscience because I really feel inspired to keep it nice. Maybe now we can finally live like nice humans instead of heathen pigs.


Kristin said...

What's wrong with heathen piggys. This would would be way more fucked up if everyone had OCD like me. Trust me on this. Try this site.

Jack the Grey said...

Guilty over paying someone to clean the house? Isn't that the same as getting married? Only kidding.
A little peer pressure is good though. After reading your post yesterday I ended up going home after work last night and cleaning up my kitchen. I think my fiancee thought she was halucinating when she came home.

Zelda said...

Kristin - That website is hilarious! Would I be totally gay if I were to subscribe?

Angi - I have a feeling I will soon sympathize.

Noonie - I feel guilty about creating a servant class. I suppose I paid her enough to be whatever I wanted and wear a thong, but I still think I should be doing it myself (cleaning not thong-wearing, although...)

Jack - Not for poor Jethro. Poor guy. He's paying for sex and conversation.

Traci Dolan said...

I subscribed to the FlyLady!!! I don't anymore but I'm going to again!! The guilt is good for me!!! I'm glad you're feeling better about your house. It was a hell of lot cleaner than mine when I was there. Still is.

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

The Culture of Euthanasia will be schiavoing old people soon, muttering something about "quality of life". The indication they're ready for the chopping block will be an inability to navigate web pages like a normal person. Their IP address will be cross-checked against proxies and ISPs, and a black van will visit their house to carry out the procedure. Whammo, slammo, fumigate the apartment, and it'll be ready to lease to Mexican guest workers (under 40 of course) within the next monthly leasing cycle.

Sort of a combo of Logan's Run and Brave New World, designer dystopia.

tinyhands said...

I just signed my uncle's wife up for flylady. Much more satisfying than signing myself up for it.

Kristin said...

Honestly, I think Flylady will hell you keep things under control inbetween visits by the hot housekeeper. Some people swear by that site.

Michelle said...

I used to do flylady (wow, that sound sorta sleazy! LOL) but I was like Angi, I started feeling overwhelmed. I was thinking of going back but have never taken that proverbial leap (off a tall, tall building that is!) I love to have someone just to come and do my laundry for me! I was contemplating writing a piece about my laundry and then saw Angi did. Laundry is my foe... and often times I am defeated by it!

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Michelle, I fear no laundry but I hate doing dishes. Wanna labor-swap?

Michelle said...

Hey Cig, I would LOVE to labor swap with you!!! Keep in mind that I have 6 kids though... 5 of them are girls! LOL

Zelda said...

I - Guilt is gooood.

Cig - Soylent green is PEOPLE

Tiny, you bitch, *slap slap*

Kristin - Well hell.

Michelle - You slut! I'll leave you and Cig and the flylady alone.

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

Laundry for 5 girls? *starts doing the math and scratching head, all befuddled*