We've both lived in Texas for years, we've been available to each other for awhile, and we've watched other people do it nearly every time we've gone out dancing, so it's ridiculous that we never learned.
Well we have a wedding coming up this weekend, and while there probably won't be too much country music played, we thought it might be nice if we could do a nice slow two-step if one came along. So I looked up a few songs on youtube and we began with not a little enthusiasm. We're in love, right? We find each other reasonably attractive when fully clothed, right? We rock the house a bit on occasion, right? Dancing to a rhythm using actual steps instead of the pubescent grinding we usually do shouldn't be too difficult, right?
Wrong. So very very wrong.
We couldn't agree on the steps (how hard can slow, slow, quick, quick be?) and the playful (yet so not playful) jabbing at each others' rib cages in quasi-frustration, quickly degenerated into a real scuffle and then somewhat of a brawl which included biting, kicking, scratching and punching with me eventually pinned down on the tile floor screaming that Jethro better release my arms or I was going to tear a chunk of flesh out of his personal area with my teeth sometime when he was least expecting it.
We began again somewhat more disheveled.
Zelda: "Long, long, short, short, 1..2..3..4.. It's not that difficult."
Jethro: "I can't follow your Jew rhythm."
Zelda: "Watch it, slope....2..3..4.."
Zelda: "For the love of shit....walk, don't bounce."
Jethro: "You have to take longer steps."
Zelda: "You have to take shorter steps."
Jethro: "You just cut my foot with your toenail.
Zelda: "You did that to me 15 minutes ago, but I didn't complain.
Jethro: "How the fuck do you think you're going to lead when you're going backwards?
Jethro - "You're not moving your feet in time to the music"
Zelda: "Because you're swinging your hips. Why the fuck are you swinging your hips?"
Jethro: "Because you have big hips and I'm trying to keep up with them."
Zelda: " You didn't just say that."
Jethro: "Oh the fuck. That's not what I meant. I just meant that women have wider hips than men and ..... oh the fuck. The fuck. I don't know what I meant anymore."
Zelda: "I think we better call it a night........"
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Zelda: ............."Don't touch me, please."
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