Monday, November 24, 2008

The *Heart* Letter

Men are so frickin' weird. I really think they would molest a wasps' nest covered in broken glass and lemon slices if it looked like it had boobs.
Here's a letter I got from one of my classmates. After coming on to me repeatedly tonight in spite of my gentle, yet consistent negativity, he followed me out of class as I was leaving and gave me this note (spelling and grammar all his):

Hey thanks for talking to me . Just to let you know I wouldn't want to cross no lines
But maybe a little flirtation. I've always found you attractive and I know you situation.
But if you ever become Free let me know. Hope we can talk as friends and just a little Flirting wouldn't Hurt.
well you can answer me back or throw this away. well my email is
I think you are sweet, too Very sexy & Hot. your man is lucky.
Mmmm. Honestly I would love to Be with you. I don't think you can Image what I'm thinking :-) well talk to you later.


P.S. Would I Have a chance?

And he put a heart around the word 'love'.  
I told Jethro because we promised to tell each other shit like this, and I gave him the letter. Then I ran away and hid my head under the pillows in our room while he read it and laughed his ass off.
I'm not quite sure what to say. It goes against my nature to be harsh or cruel directly to someone's face or even in a letter back to them, mostly because I am rather pathetically grateful that anyone finds me attractive enough to write a cheesy letter to.
Anyway, I'm emailing him back tomorrow and here's what I have so far:

I read your letter and I would never consider the idea. If I wasn't clear about this at school, I'm very sorry and I'm glad for a chance to be direct. I am deeply in love with my husband and my relationship with him means everything in the world to me. There is no one on this earth that would make me put it in danger. You're a nice man, but I know you have a wife and children and I'm sure they need you the same as I need my husband, and my daughters need their father. I don't mind being friends and colleagues, but even a flirtation would be out of the question. I wish nothing but good for you, but there is no good that would ever come of what you suggest, for you or for me.
May God bless and keep you always.

I think this is pretty unequivocal without being unnecessarily mean. I think mentioning God might help too. He has a habit of putting somewhat of a damper on sexual fantasy. Maybe it's a little cowardly, but sometimes God comes in handy.
Now I'm just wondering if it isn't too pious/arrogant/overly thoughtful a response to someone who just considers me a warm hole.
I guess I don't care. I'm spelling it out in no uncertain terms.  
And I'm not just a warm hole.  
Sometimes I get really frickin' cold.

Anyway, feedback would be appreciated, but it will have to be quick because I'm going to send it tomorrow.


mr_nimbus said...

You are being too nice. When guys like him get explanations like that, they think "Hey, she didn't tell me off, so she must be interested".

My suggestion is that you take out the explanations about love and loyalty. As you can see by his marital status and behavior, love honor and obligation are merely whimsical fantasies that exist only in his partners mind.

If it was me, I would write:

Thanks for your note, as I told you before, I an not interested. While we can certainly function as classmates, I find myself becoming very uncomfortable with your behavior. I am not here to flirt, I am here to learn.

Then lie a little....

Although I am sure that your intentions are just friendly, you should know that I went through a sexual harassment episode a few years ago. While I was satisfied with the outcome -- the harasser lost his job and ended up divorced -- it was an experience that I do not wish to repeat.

I want you to know that the harassment that I went through started out in the very same way. I will give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment. However, I suggest that you check out the school policies and guidelines pertaining to sexual harassment. If you follow them and treat me like a fellow student as opposed to an object for flirtation, then we will have no problems.

Thanks for the note, but, as I explained before, I am here to learn, not flirt.

Nothing will turn a guy off faster than the prospect of standing tall before HR or it's academic equivalent.

Good luck.

Zelda said...

Wow! And women are supposedly evil. :-)

The sexual harassment stuff is pretty harsh, but if it comes down to that I have no problem with it.

Thanks for the comment.