Swinger Weekend

I have had an interesting weekend.  A friend of mine from Houston came to visit with his girlfriend.  They are swingers.

It seems we had a miscommunication somewhere.  When I say I'm open minded, that means I'm not going to judge you too harshly to your face about anything short of child-molestation.  That doesn't mean I want to make out with your girlfriend or watch you feel her up or see a picture of her clitoral piercing, much less a live view.

And when we discuss your swinging lifestyle and I say "The only way I would do that is if I paid someone," that literally means I WOULD ONLY DO THAT IF I PAID SOMEONE.  That does NOT mean I am toying with the idea of having fun sexy times with people I actually know.  When discussing the idea with Jethro (and I do this only to string him along the rocky trail of holy matrimony), it is always with the understanding that I am not interested in some broke, schizophrenic college student with daddy issues.  I want a professional who will do whatever I say, in a place so far away that I would never have to make small talk with them while having flashbacks to their sex noises if they cough in a funny way.

Yeah, I know I can talk, but that is all it is.  I am ALL TALK.  No action.  Never have been, never will be.  Most people understand this and humor me as long as I amuse them.

Now I'm not really mad at my friend.  They're new at it, and it's very very exciting to them. I wasn't interested, but if I had been, I really would have needed some warning.  Because my bedroom was nowhere near orgy-ready.  And I was on my period - something I did not plan on announcing.

But I am loathe to make people uncomfortable in my own home, so I found myself politely commenting on the photographs of the clitoral piercing, the cage in which girlfriend was stripping awkwardly with the friend's penis thrust encouragingly through the bars...

I smiled and yawned when girlfriend asked me to come lay down by her so she could play with my hair, which was actually tempting because I love to have my hair played with.  Fuck, I have no balls.