Friday Night Joy

Zelda: "It's a fun size Snickers. I just want a bite. One little bite. I've been so good. If you don't let me eat it I'll just go get a big one."

Jethro: "I'll give you a big one."

Zelda: "As long as it's chocolate and there are no surprises."

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Haiku:

I saw a fat man
Licking an ice cream cone and
Riding a scooter

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Really, it was funny.

Or We Could Just Elect Someone Whose Mettle There Is No Need To Test...

I've been trying to find a full transcript of what Biden said at a fundraiser in Seattle when he didn't know the press was listening, but one hasn't been printed yet.

I've got as much as has been printed, but I'm sure there's more.

"Mark my words, mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said. Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.

And he's gonna have to make some really tough...I don't know what his decision's gonna be but I promise you it will occur.  As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it's gonna happen.

I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate, and he's gonna need help. And the kind of help he's gonna need is, he's gonna need you - not financially to help him - we're gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it's not gonna be apparent initially, it's not gonna be apparent that we're right."

These are all his words with no breaks.

Here is where I heard them.

I believe there are some statements missing right after that, but he continues....

"Gird your loins.....we're gonna win with your help, God willing, we're gonna win, but this is not gonna be an easy ride. This president, the next president, is gonna be left with the most significant task. It's like cleaning the Augean stables, man. This is more than just, this is more than – think about it, literally, think about it – this is more than just a capital crisis, this is more than just markets. This is a systemic problem we have with this economy." 

More missing statements but he actually, for some unknown reason, continues.

"I've forgotten more about foreign policy than most of my colleagues know, so I'm not being falsely humble with you. I think I can be value added, but this guy has it, this guy has it. But he's gonna need your help. Because I promise you, you all are gonna be sitting here a year from now going, 'Oh my God, why are they there in the polls? Why is the polling so down? Why is this thing so tough?' We're gonna have to make some incredibly tough decisions in the first two years. So I'm asking you now, I'm asking you now, be prepared to stick with us. Remember the faith you had at this point because you're going to have to reinforce us."

Possibly more missing here, but incredulously he goes on...

"There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, 'Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision', because if you think the decision is sound when they're made, which I believe you will when they're made, they're not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."

He says more in here about bin Laden and Pakistan "bristling with nuclear weapons" but the exact quote was not used.  And still he continues...

"You literally can see what these kids are up against, our kids in that region....the place is crawling with al Qaeda. And it's real....We do not have the military capacity, nor have we ever, quite frankly, in the last 20 years, to dictate outcomes.  It's so much more important than that. It's so much more complicated than that. And Barack gets it."

At the end of his incredible, slightly insane, but illuminating rant, Biden noticed the press and said, "I probably shouldn't have said all this because it dawned on me that the press is here..."

But I think we have the gist of it.

And don't worry, Joe.  I will be marking your words.  We are going to be attacked in some way because they are going to "test the mettle" of a "brilliant 47-year-old senator president" (who has no experience and could very easily be such a complete weenie that it would totally be worth it)  and Obama is going to do some things that very few people are going to like.  Sounds good to me.  I'll be sure to remember the dichotomy and what a liar you were during the debate when you knew the cameras were on you.

What really blows my mind out of this completely mind-blowing event, is when he says: "We do not have the military capacity, nor have we ever, quite frankly, in the last 20 years, to dictate outcomes."

Well who is the party on record for slashing the military to that point?  Obama made a lovely speech about how much he wants to cut the defense budget and the military...the same military (according to Biden) that doesn't have the capacity to dictate outcomes.  Biden, himself, that foreign policy expert extraordinaire, has a record of voting to cut the military almost every time he's had the opportunity.

This man, Obama, has no experience which in and of itself makes us a target for any nutball country  who thinks they have a shot.  That's the truth, as painful as it is to hear.  Now that in and of itself might be worth the risk for the right candidate, but Obama hasn't made any statements that might give our enemies pause.  And even worse, he has associated with people who truly hate this country.  Ayers is a Anarchist/Marxist (probably not even realizing the irony) who plotted and arranged the murders of his own countrymen.  Jeremiah Wright is a hate-filled race-monger.  Tony Rezko is a felonious scam artist who bilked the Illinois government out of millions, and ACORN engages in mass voter fraud.  If they don't think Obama is a pushover, they're going to think he's a fucking ally.

The question is why wouldn't terrorists, dictators, and totalitarian governments think he'd roll over on his country?  Everyone around him has.  Except maybe his poor, sick, typical white granny whom he called a racist just before throwing her under the bus along with his other unsavory friends (but only after their associations became known, of course...)

I guess it's lucky for him that the press doesn't care enough to give this a headline.

The Perils of the Art of Dance

Jethro and I decided to attempt to learn the Texas two-step.

We've both lived in Texas for years, we've been available to each other for awhile, and we've watched other people do it nearly every time we've gone out dancing, so it's ridiculous that we never learned.

Well we have a wedding coming up this weekend, and while there probably won't be too much country music played, we thought it might be nice if we could do a nice slow two-step if one came along. So I looked up a few songs on youtube and we began with not a little enthusiasm. We're in love, right? We find each other reasonably attractive when fully clothed, right? We rock the house a bit on occasion, right? Dancing to a rhythm using actual steps instead of the pubescent grinding we usually do shouldn't be too difficult, right?

Wrong. So very very wrong.

We couldn't agree on the steps (how hard can slow, slow, quick, quick be?) and the playful (yet so not playful) jabbing at each others' rib cages in quasi-frustration, quickly degenerated into a real scuffle and then somewhat of a brawl which included biting, kicking, scratching and punching with me eventually pinned down on the tile floor screaming that Jethro better release my arms or I was going to tear a chunk of flesh out of his personal area with my teeth sometime when he was least expecting it.

We began again somewhat more disheveled.

Zelda: "Long, long, short, short, 1..2..3..4.. It's not that difficult."

Jethro: "I can't follow your Jew rhythm."

Zelda: "Watch it, slope....2..3..4.."

Zelda: "For the love of shit....walk, don't bounce."

Jethro: "You have to take longer steps."

Zelda: "You have to take shorter steps."

Jethro: "You just cut my foot with your toenail.

Zelda: "You did that to me 15 minutes ago, but I didn't complain.

Jethro: "How the fuck do you think you're going to lead when you're going backwards?

Jethro - "You're not moving your feet in time to the music"

Zelda: "Because you're swinging your hips. Why the fuck are you swinging your hips?"

Jethro: "Because you have big hips and I'm trying to keep up with them."

Zelda: " You didn't just say that."

Jethro: "Oh the fuck. That's not what I meant. I just meant that women have wider hips than men and ..... oh the fuck. The fuck. I don't know what I meant anymore."

Zelda: "I think we better call it a night........"

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Zelda: ............."Don't touch me, please."

I Feel Sicky, Oh So Sicky, I Feel Icky and Sicky And....

How do you "spread the wealth around" by forcing business owners to lay off employees?  How is the government desire to steal money and give it to whomever is likeliest to vote for them more efficient than people working for it and getting paid directly out of the business profits?  

Money is diluted when it goes through Washington.  One big fucking bureaucracy has to get paid/bribed just to collect/steal  all of that filthy lucre.  And there is no efficiency in D.C.  What makes Obama think the government can do a better job of paying people than the businesses that are actually paying people?  The government doesn't have so good a history with that kind of thing.

This just makes me sick to my stomach.  We're in our first year of business.  We have debt upon debt upon debt.  But if our gross income exceeds $250K, and it just might, we will have to pay upwards of $9,000 in federal taxes.  And this doesn't include an increase in the payroll tax which we have to pay even if we don't make any profit at all.  Adding upwards of $9,000 dollars to our debt when we are just barely scraping by means we will be forced to lay off the lady who works for us if we want to stay in business.  So the government, by taking around $15,000, will have forced us to lay off someone who was making over twice that with us.  And for that measly (in comparison) price, the government will have removed a perfectly life-sustaining job from the workforce in order to give much less (if anything) to that person by way of government handouts.

How is this sane, again?

Don't Do It

U.S. government mulls plan to take ownership stakes in banks

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Please, please, please, please, PLEEEEEEASE don't make me write in Ron Paul.  I can't stand Ron Paul.

The government can't run the government.  Don't let them take over the banks.

Say A Prayer

For my dear blogger friend ALa tonight.  She's a tiny little lady trying to deliver a very large baby.

An Evening Spent Gathered Around the Family Laptop

Setting: The Living Room sofa where Jethro is reading aloud an email he is writing to his friend, Corin...

Jethro: Dude, we were so glad we got to hang out with you and Serena before you left.  We definitely have to do an anime convention next time.  Zelda could go as the chick with the big tits....you know, all of them.

Zelda (in a solemn, quasi-feminist mood after watching Sarah Palin do very well in the debate): Jethro, you really need to stop being so sexist.

Jethro - What?  I love big tits.  How is that sexist?

Zelda: I don't know.  Maybe I could go as that lobster guy who does that thing with his claws.  He seems smart for having an exoskeleton.

Jethro - You don't have the ass for it.

Again, As Promised

Circumstances somewhat beyond my control have prevented me from doing this weeks ago, but Jim Treacher has been doing some excellent work defending Sarah Palin from the lies and smears of Obama's increasingly desperate and hateful minions.

And he is hilarious, god bless him. Even if you don't agree with us politically, he is still awesome.

Start here: http://jimtreacher.com/archives/2008_08.html

Continue through September: http://jimtreacher.com/archives/2008_08.html

Then bookmark him: http://jimtreacher.com/

Hopefully he will keep this going awhile.

As Promised

1. Our fence. It's not a big deal, but it's weird to see one's neighbor's yard and realize how small both of them really are.

2. A fallen tree just outside our neighborhood. It's kind of hard to get the perspective, but I'm 5'7" and if I were to stand next to the tree in its current state, it would be about 3 feet higher.

3. One of the many trees down in the next subdivision over.

4. Another tree in the same subdivision.

5. Just one long line of felled trees. Perspective is difficult again, but all of them lying down were taller than me.

6. This might give you some perspective on the size of the trees.

7. These trees were humongous and just torn up by their roots. I've never seen anything like it.

8. Bye bye fence.

9. Still marveling at how this humongous tree was just ripped up by the roots.

10. Not a particularly impressive amount of damage in this one, but I thought it was cool how the sod was torn up too.

My mom wanted all my sisters to say something at the wake.  Here's what I said.

Grandpa has been compared to such notable talents as Grouch Marx and W.C. Fields.  He had a self-deprecating wit that made Rodney Dangerfield appear a pillar of dignity and self-respect.

But Grandpa was nothing if not original.  He had the style of the old vaudevillians he used to watch as a young man, but he was never behind the times.

One of my last conversations with him - the details of which are probably best left to myself - revealed what a truly amazing life he had.  Cruising the South Pacific in the Navy during WWII, a chiropractic career in Arizona, romance on an international level as he was prone to claim, and an intimate knowledge of Las Vegas.

I don't know that he expected to be the grandfather to nine granddaughters, probably never considering offspring of his to be capable of such an incredible feat.  But whenever the magnitude would overtake him as he watched the typical female antics, he'd shake his head in incredulity at my mom and finding no other words would say, "Gotta hunch, have a bunch" as if this explained everything perfectly.

And for him it did.  He was not judgmental.

Recently, however, he decided to take matters into his own hands.  

Where biology had failed, bribery would succeed.

He issued a family-wide proclamation declaring that the first girl to produce a (legitimate) male heir would receive $1,000.  Or more depending on the stock market.

And not entirely trusting our skills in this matter, went ahead and included his great-granddaughters in on the offer.

It's a cliche, but also a truth that Grandpa left us a lot to laugh about.  And that's no mean legacy.

I love you Grandpa, I'll miss you. And thanks for everything.

I wrote that in about 15 minutes, just a few hours before I had to deliver it.  I think it was pretty good considering.  At least people laughed in all the right places.

I'm still going to post the pictures of the hurricane damage, but it will probably be tomorrow or the next.

Quickie

Jeth and I and the girls drove back to Houston last night for family stuff.  The wake and funeral are Monday and Tuesday, but we needed to go back a little sooner and see if there was any damage to our house here (fence down, that's all). 

I've never seen hurricane strength winds or the aftereffects, so I was shocked by the huge trees that had been completely uprooted before crashing through living rooms.  There were piles of branches higher than me all along the roads of our neighborhood.  Fences were down, roofs were torn off, windows blown out, it was incredible.

I've taken pictures mostly of the tree damage, and will post them as soon as I get back.  North of Houston is still without power, but we drove up there to see a friend and the wind destruction is not quite as bad as in the south where we lived.

Further south is even worse, but we're definitely not venturing down there, at least for awhile.  I'd hate to see worse than our suburb and I know there is.

The Art of Self Deprecation to Make Your Point

A rare moment in politics.

McCain Sings Streisand!

First Your Money, Then Your Clothes...

I don't feel like writing much about it, but I'll get it over with.  My grandpa passed away last night.  He was funny and wonderful and I'll miss him something fierce.

The Aftermath

Well, the aftermath is nasty, folks.  

I'm so mad at my family for not evacuating, I find myself fighting to not wish them as much discomfort as possible so they will not be so stupid the next time around.  I told them to come, I thought they would be coming, I went and drove all over New Town trying to find hotel rooms, since I had plenty of floorspace, but few actual beds (I was miraculously able to find one of those rooms you can rent at a weekly rate, which I went ahead and did). And I cleaned my house!!!  For anyone who knows me, they know how much that put me out.

But no family.  Two of our friends, being sane, came up with their two kids and stayed with us for a night.  They had a hotel room for the next night and this evening, but depending on the power situation in Houston, they may end up staying with us for another night or two.  And they are welcome for as long as they need, as is anyone else.

The main problem is the lack of power.  4.5 million people are without it and everyone I talked to is in the dark and heat and humidity, just thankful it wasn't any worse.

The main reason I made Jethro leave for Rita was because I didn't want to be stuck for weeks without AC.  I don't do well in this climate.  I can run around in freezing weather, but the heat just kills me.  I'm a white girl with a genetic history that is just screaming for peasant work in the frozen hinterlands of Eastern Europe.  Mmmmm..... potatoes......

And boy howdy do I digress.  

Everyone I talked to seems to be okay for now, but the damage is extensive.  Some had their windows blown in, some are flooded, my sister-in-law's fence blew over, and everyone is hot.

I'm thankful everyone is safe.   They are welcome to come up here, but I am not going back to Houston until the power is on.  I will help clean up then, if they still need it.

Personally, I'm exhausted from worrying and a headache I always seem to get whenever there is a low pressure system hovering in the Gulf, so I'll write more when I know more (if it's interesting).

y-IKE-s

There has been no mass exodus from Houston. The government seems to be concentrating on getting out people from the lowest lying areas. But Jethro and I are still housing people anyway.

This one makes me a little nervous. It seems to be heading right up the Houston ship channel which will be disastrous even if it's not a CAT 3 or 4. All I know is that I would have gone. I don't fancy living without electricity for 2 weeks or stockpiling groceries or anything else. And if it shifts to the north or east, at least I got a few days vacation out of it. I don't really care what the government says. Ultimately I'm responsible for myself and my family.

Anyway, say a prayer for Galveston/Houston tonight. I know I will.

I managed to catch both the major speeches at the Republican Convention, but I haven't been able to write about them because of the busyness.

First, I just wanted to say that I thought Sarah Palin's speech was electrifying. She is so bright and spunky and funny and awesome. And I know I'm diving head first into a fondue pot here, but I've never felt this way about a politician before. I guess I just don't feel like she's a politician. She's seems like more of a regular person who's had it with politicians. And I don't blame her, and I'm really excited to vote for her.

But it was John McCain who really did it for me. I know most of his speech was utilitarian and somewhat lackluster compared to his opponant's and even his running mate's. But at the end, when he talked about his love of our country and our how his many years of service have been in gratitude for our country, I actually teared up. No. More than teared up. And I've never done that before.

I watch all politicians with a very cynical eye. Even the ones I vote for. I defend their policies if I agree, and eviscerate them if I don't, but I don't care much about them as people. Why should I? They don't really care about me. Why should they? I've watched the political scene for far too long. I know the policies I want, I have a pretty good idea of most of the major players (I even knew about Sarah Palin, who wasn't) and while I have no real hope of seeing the policies I want enacted, I know who I have a slightly better chance of getting them from. I listen to their speeches, not to hear what they have to say, but to see how they're selling themselves to people who may not know exactly what they want. I watch to see if they fuck up and hope that the uninformed will see it as more than a gaffe or just a gaffe, depending on the candidate. It's all a game to me now. A game that I claim to love, but it's more of an addiction than anything else.

But McCain really gave me something to consider in his speech. It's been the theme of the Convention and I hadn't given it thought as much more than a slogan. Country First. But as I listened to him speak, I thought about it quite a bit. There is no one on this earth who is more qualified to speak to that theme.

Anyway, I will end before I lose all objectivity. But I'm pleased with my Republican choices in this election.

A Moment For The History Books, Indeed

And the slightly longer version is even funnier because he's waxing so lyrical.



"Heart and soul, and the muscle, and bone and sinew?" Not original, perhaps, but definitely lyrical. I expected him to don a tutu break into song right up until he revealed that Barack's biological parents were interracial gay men pioneers of science.

But that's what you get when your feeeeelings to overtake your journalism.

Congratulations to Sarah Palin

John McCain's nobody's fool. Sarah Palin is an phenomenal choice. Frankly, I wasn't sure he would have the guts, but I should have known better. John McCain has never lacked for guts.

I heard about Sarah Palin a few years ago as one of the few Republicans who retained a governorship for the party. But she didn't retain it as an incumbent. She ran against the corrupt former Republican governor as a Republican and secured the nomination. Then she went on to beat the Democrat nominee. What really stood out about her though, was that she refused federal money for an unnecessary bridge project in Alaska. Politicians talk about reducing spending, but put her money where her mouth was and actually did.

I'm so excited. There is a very good chance McCain could win. This isn't a nomination made in an unwinnable election to throw a bone to a particular voting block like Geraldine Ferraro's was. This is the real deal. And the best part for me is that she got the nomination based on her qualifications as a leader, not her gender. But I am going to thoroughly enjoy voting for the ticket with the girl on it. More than I ever thought I would.

Meet the Principal or "That was some mighty fine a pickin' and a singin'"

I took the girls to their school for "Meet the Teacher" night, and we ran into their principal.

I don't remember if I've blogged about their principal before, but I have the biggest crush on him in the entire world.  He plays banjo in a bluegrass band.  I don't think I need explain myself further.

We saw him play once last year at this little restaurant.  It was so very cool.

He remembered Gwennie and Emma and even remembered what grades they were going into.  I asked him, giggling (and managing to refrain from rubbing myself salaciously) if he was still playing the banjo.  He said he wasn't playing as much, but he was still playing once a month at the little restaurant where we saw him last (which he remembered).

I giggled again and said we would be seeing him there and left with the girls before I started shining his shoes with my nether regions.  I think it would have set a bad example.

And a former blogger with whom Jethro and are are friends told me about a band called "The Gourds" who have done a cover of.... well see for yourself.

Apparently it's been out for a couple of years, but I hadn't heard it.

Another One