I Feel Rather As If The Turkey Stuffed Me.

Ok, Trash, ok.

So all my best laid plans were for naught.  I meant to give Douchebag his note back on Wednesday, but my class got our early and I wanted to get home, so I kept the note in my pocket and decided to give it to him when I got back from Houston.  Alas, and to make a long story short, I washed the jeans with the note in the pocket and it is now but a soggy, shredded memory.

So now it's on to plan B which is to ignore completely.  I can do.  And if he brings it up again, I'm going to point at his crotch, snicker, and say "I don't think so, jefe."

Problem solved.  Except that I might get my tongue cut out in the parking lot.

Thanksgiving went off with only one major psychotic episode involving the use of my grandfather's car, which is probably a record.  One good thing about having a million sisters is that one, tiny lesbian girlfriend goes virtually unnoticed.  She's a quiet little thing and just for that I like her.  Probably better than most of my sisters.

Anyway, there is more, but it isn't very interesting and I have major shit due tomorrow, so I will say adieu for now.

Okay.  I'm going with Tater's suggestion.  I'm going to write something brief as in "no, and please don't bring this up again. Ever." on it and give it to him.  That way I've given everything back to him and he knows there is no question lingering.  I get what people are saying about ignoring him completely, but it isn't a large school, I will definitely have him in other classes, and he would be very difficult to avoid.  Also he was a little too persistent to ignore and I really want to avoid any further conversation.  It was intensely embarrassing.

I just love blogging.  You gain access to such clear thinkers, even if you do have to wade through mounds of troll droppings sometimes.

So enough of that.

What is everyone doing for the holidays?  We are going to my mom's house and my "lesbian" sister is bringing her "girlfriend" whom she will be introducing as her "roommate."  

*whine* I don't waaanna go home!!!  I wanna stay in New Town with my sexy American boyfriend and make my own stuffing and cranberry sauce and turkey.  */whine*

Anyway, I am going to finish my logo projects and post them when I'm done.  I'm doing one for the Ice Hotel in Scandinavia, which is the coolest thing ever.  I can't wait to show off that one.

The *Heart* Letter

Men are so frickin' weird. I really think they would molest a wasps' nest covered in broken glass and lemon slices if it looked like it had boobs.

Here's a letter I got from one of my classmates. After coming on to me repeatedly tonight in spite of my gentle, yet consistent negativity, he followed me out of class as I was leaving and gave me this note (spelling and grammar all his):

Zelda,

Hey thanks for talking to me . Just to let you know I wouldn't want to cross no lines

But maybe a little flirtation. I've always found you attractive and I know you situation.

But if you ever become Free let me know. Hope we can talk as friends and just a little Flirting wouldn't Hurt.

well you can answer me back or throw this away. well my email is ---------@-----.com

ok.

I think you are sweet, too Very sexy & Hot. your man is lucky.

Mmmm. Honestly I would love to Be with you. I don't think you can Image what I'm thinking :-) well talk to you later.

Classmate

P.S. Would I Have a chance?

And he put a heart around the word 'love'.  

I told Jethro because we promised to tell each other shit like this, and I gave him the letter. Then I ran away and hid my head under the pillows in our room while he read it and laughed his ass off.

I'm not quite sure what to say. It goes against my nature to be harsh or cruel directly to someone's face or even in a letter back to them, mostly because I am rather pathetically grateful that anyone finds me attractive enough to write a cheesy letter to.

Anyway, I'm emailing him back tomorrow and here's what I have so far:

Classmate,

I read your letter and I would never consider the idea. If I wasn't clear about this at school, I'm very sorry and I'm glad for a chance to be direct. I am deeply in love with my husband and my relationship with him means everything in the world to me. There is no one on this earth that would make me put it in danger. You're a nice man, but I know you have a wife and children and I'm sure they need you the same as I need my husband, and my daughters need their father. I don't mind being friends and colleagues, but even a flirtation would be out of the question. I wish nothing but good for you, but there is no good that would ever come of what you suggest, for you or for me.

May God bless and keep you always.

Zelda

I think this is pretty unequivocal without being unnecessarily mean. I think mentioning God might help too. He has a habit of putting somewhat of a damper on sexual fantasy. Maybe it's a little cowardly, but sometimes God comes in handy.

Now I'm just wondering if it isn't too pious/arrogant/overly thoughtful a response to someone who just considers me a warm hole.

I guess I don't care. I'm spelling it out in no uncertain terms.  

And I'm not just a warm hole.  

Sometimes I get really frickin' cold.

Anyway, feedback would be appreciated, but it will have to be quick because I'm going to send it tomorrow.

Where I Discuss Vibrators and Design. And Capitalism.

I finally managed to buy a new vibrator after the old one flamed out so grotesquely.  I think it's telling and rather sad that I actually took note of the package design before I took note of the product.  Learning about design makes you see things differently.  I don't know if I like it.  I was happy just being brainwashed like everyone else.  And that sounds far more arrogant than I mean it.

But I refuse to look at what I'm doing as brainwashing.  Yes, ultimately it's about trying to entice someone to buy a product.  But there is no way for a superior product to go up against its old, established competition unless they have some good advertising.  And that means pretty pictures.  And that's the fun part.  Really, the capitalism is a lot of fun.

Anyway, I'm swamped with procrastinating on my school projects and carting the kids everywhere.  And the house really needs a thorough cleaning especially because Jethro bought me an i-phone for my Christmas present and he thinks that now entitles him to sex and a bed free from clothes, dinnerware and small animals (how can he want the sex and not the small animals?).  Honestly, I don't know what he's thinking sometimes.  I allow him to provide for me in a manner to which I have yet to become accustomed...isn't that enough?

So this will have to explain my lack of posting, but I did want to show you a logo I am working on.  It's not quite done yet, I'm going to make the speed lines less uniform, fix the tail, put a little shadow under the back tire of the bike, and maybe put a little crash helmet on him, but I thought the idea was cute.  Everyone in my class liked it.  And most of them aren't completely short-bus.

Upstream

Jethro and I took the girls on a little camping trip over the weekend to Garner State Park on the Frio River with our friends Jen  (who took some fantastic pictures) and Vince and their two little girls.

I don't think I can describe how much we needed it.  It was absolutely beautiful.  The Frio River is crystal clear, which is kind of unusual for rivers in Texas.  Usually they're brown and full of water moccasins and other unsavory creatures.  At least that's how I imagine them, and there is a reason:  

In upstate NY, where I grew up, the streams and rivers were pretty clear and you'd never see anything more threatening than a turtle.  When my family was moving down to TX (which was a two week process involving the summer, 7 girls, and camper with no a/c - did you know girls can smell not-so-great after two weeks in a camper without a/c in the middle of the summer?) we stopped at a campground in Louisiana to sleep for the night.  It was still light out when we pulled in and there was a big pond.  Since it was hotter than I ever believed could be possible, I thought I would take my little sisters wading.  Sure the pond was had a little algae and it didn't smell quite right, but why not?

We got to the water's edge and I was about to cautiously put my toe in, when I saw something slithering in the murk.  It was about 7 feet long.  I stared at it, my toe hovering cautiously, and an evil head came up and opened its monstrous, fanged mouth lined in startling white.  I hustled my sisters away from there as fast as I could and spent the night not sleeping and getting up periodically to stuff shoes and socks through the cracks in the camper.

I hate snakes more than I fear hell and this phobia does not improve with age.

But enough of that.  The Frio was gorgeous and we really had fun.  We took the girls fishing, hiked up into the hills and saw a great view, made a campfire, roasted marshmallows, drank some beer, and bundled up during the night like I haven't done in years.

Jen and I also took the girls to hear a park ranger expound upon the geology of the TX hill country.

This particular park ranger was a gentleman probably in his early to mid-40s.  He wore a cowboy hat like everyone with any type of authority (real or imagined) does in TX, had a little beer gut, and was mostly nondescript except for a massive handlebar mustache.  It was distracting in its luxuriant perfection.  I immediately started imagining having sex with him just because I wondered if it was possible to convince a man with a handlebar mustache to have sex with me.

Then he started talking and I realized he was as gay as a trout in a stream and that my imagination is forced to draw the line at having relations with gentlemen who flick their wrists in an airy fashion, even if they do have gorgeous handlebar mustaches.

I Can't Decide If It's Ironic or Bittersweet

Obama campaign workers angry over unpaid wages

" 'I want my money today! It's my money. I want it right now!' yelled one former campaign worker."

" 'I'm disappointed. I'm glad for the president, but I'm disappointed in this system,' said Diane Jefferson, temporary campaign worker."

" 'It should have been $480. It's $230,' said Imani Sankofa"

" 'They gave us $10 an hour. So we added it. I added up all the hours so it was supposed to be at least $120. All I get is $90,' said Charles Martin."

" 'I worked nine hours a day for 4 days and got paid half of what I should have earned,' said Randall Waldon."

" 'They say that they gonna call you or they going to mail it to you, but I don't know. We'll see what happens,' said Antron Grose."

" 'Talking about they'll mail it to us. I ain't worried about that, man. They're not going to mail nothin',' said Martin."

H/T: The Incomparable Jim Treacher

Levon

Levon wears his war wound like a crown

He calls his child Jesus

`Cause he likes the name

And he sends him to the finest school in town



Levon, Levon likes his money

He makes a lot they say

Spend his days counting

In a garage by the motorway



He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day

When the New York Times said God Is Dead

And the war’s begun.

Alvin Tostig has a son today



And he shall be Levon

And he shall be a good man

And he shall be Levon

In tradition with the family plan

And he shall be Levon

And he shall be a good man


He shall be Levon



Levon sells cartoon balloons in town

His family business thrives

Jesus blows up balloons all day

Sits on the porch swing watching them fly



And Jesus, he wants to go to Venus

Leaving Levon far behind

Take a balloon and go sailing

While Levon, Levon slowly dies...

From time to time, I dust off my liberal arts education and apply it to something. My blog drafts are one long series of philosophical ramblings which I would probably never allow to see the light of day. I know just enough to be aware of the limitations of my intellect.

But since I'm feeling rather apocalyptic and since this is the last day what I write has the possibility of really seeming prescient, I'll allow my musings some air time.

Now to anyone who has really studied philosophy, what I'm about to write will undoubtedly seem hopelessly amateurish, and I'll concede that right now. Philosophy interests me more and more lately, but I'm no scholar.

If you haven't studied philosophy at all, it will most likely seem pretentious. That isn't my intention, but I'm not going to tell anyone what to think.

I realize Elton John would probably faint dead away at this because I think he’s made it clear what an enormous erection he has for him, but this song rather forcefully brings to mind the possibilities of an Obama administration. And since Bernie Taupin wrote the words, I'm not sure that even Sir Elton knows what they really mean.

Now if you’ll briefly allow me a few liberties I’ll show you why I was a lit major instead of pursuing a more lucrative course of study and why the government should never, ever, finance students of the liberal arts.

“Levon wears his war wound like a crown”

Bearing in mind the theme of the Trinity in this song (Alvin Tostig, Levon, and Jesus), and Obama’s God/Messiah complex, Levon is Obama as President. He wears the scars of his political/"racial" battles like a crown of thorns.

“He calls his child Jesus
`cause he likes the name
And he sends him to the finest school in town

He thinks he’s God. And I see America as the Jesus in the song. He’s promising us all the best, but promises do not mean results, and we just may end up on a cross.

“Levon, Levon likes his money”

Maybe not his money exactly. More like OUR money.

“He makes a lot they say”

He certainly will if he has his way.  But at whose expense?

“He was born a pauper to a pawn…”

I don’t know about him being a pauper exactly, but certainly born to a pawn. Two pawns, actually. Both supporters of a cause that cared nothing about them and left more helplessness than help.

“…on a Christmas day
When the New York Times said God Is Dead”

So now we get hot and heavy into Nietzsche, and, I think, the meat of both the song and my interpretation.

The song is from an album entitled "Madman Across the Water."

The famous headline was in Time Magazine, not the NYT.  But Nietzsche's famous quote, while attributed to his more widely known "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" was actually first stated in "The Gay Science." It was mentioned in three sections of the work, but Sec 125, where the idea was given the most detail is entitled "The Madman." And the words were spoken by a madman addressing atheists and agnostics.

“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? ….. What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”

If you take Heidegger’s approach, that the “death” of God is actually the death of metaphysics and with it the concept of the Christian God, the idea has been both lamented and embraced. But it can’t really be argued that there hasn’t been a scramble to invent “festivals of atonement” and “sacred games” to stave off the nihilism Nietzsche insisted was inevitable. The need to punish ourselves for our sins did not end with the “death” of the Christian God. The racial guilt evoked by Obama’s candidacy is just one manifestation, but his entire campaign and platform has seemed like one long festival of atonement.

Obama's entire Messianic persona has been given to him by the god-killers, looking for a new god to make them worthy of having killed the old one.

"And the war's begun"

Certainly true, but maybe not the war everyone knows right now. There is an ideological war that will be lost if the god-killers gain permanent ascendence. Our rights and freedoms, inherent in the Constitution, are completely dependent on the idea that there is a Higher Power to which we are answerable. The government cannot control us because we are not answerable to them. Read The Federalist Papers, I beg you.

I see a relentless quest to destroy this idea without any alternative structure that will keep our rights and freedoms intact. Even worse, I see the opposite. A deliberate destruction of the idea of a Higher Power in order for the government in the form of a god-king to gain control over everyone from business owners who will be forced to sacrifice their earnings, to the paupers who will find themselves completely dependent on the government and subject to it's every whim.

"And he shall be Levon
And he shall be a good man"

It's the plaintive cry of those looking for a god-king. Projection will not make it so, but it doesn't stop the hopeful, even wistful chanting.

But Levon is not actually a good man.

Of course there is more of the song to interpret (most of it scarily appropriate), but I think I exposed a bit of the center. Or at least the inner covering of the center.

Feel free to skewer.

I'm so busy with school I haven't been able to post anything.  But this doesn't mean I don't have things to write about.  I figure I'll list them right here, right now, so when I have a second to write about them, I won't forget.  Hopefully the subjects are titillating enough to keep people returning.

In no particular order:

Gwennie and Jethro's drawers.

Zelda's Annual Sexy Halloween Picture - Less sexy with each passing year.

Emma at the All-You-Can-Eat Dessert Bar

Bathilda (one of Jethro's patients)

Maybe I'll post a project or two.  I would post more of them, but I'll finish one and think it's good enough for class, but then when I think about the general public seeing them, I am overcome with crippling anxiety.  I don't think it's a good attitude for a wannabe logo designer, but there is always the possibility that I suck, and I want to live in denial for a little while longer.

I'll resurface soon.  Promise.

Friday Night Joy

Zelda: "It's a fun size Snickers. I just want a bite. One little bite. I've been so good. If you don't let me eat it I'll just go get a big one."

Jethro: "I'll give you a big one."

Zelda: "As long as it's chocolate and there are no surprises."

-----------------------------------------
Haiku:

I saw a fat man
Licking an ice cream cone and
Riding a scooter

--------------------

Really, it was funny.

Or We Could Just Elect Someone Whose Mettle There Is No Need To Test...

I've been trying to find a full transcript of what Biden said at a fundraiser in Seattle when he didn't know the press was listening, but one hasn't been printed yet.

I've got as much as has been printed, but I'm sure there's more.

"Mark my words, mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We're about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don't remember anything else I said. Watch, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.

And he's gonna have to make some really tough...I don't know what his decision's gonna be but I promise you it will occur.  As a student of history and having served with seven presidents, I guarantee you it's gonna happen.

I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate, and he's gonna need help. And the kind of help he's gonna need is, he's gonna need you - not financially to help him - we're gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it's not gonna be apparent initially, it's not gonna be apparent that we're right."

These are all his words with no breaks.

Here is where I heard them.

I believe there are some statements missing right after that, but he continues....

"Gird your loins.....we're gonna win with your help, God willing, we're gonna win, but this is not gonna be an easy ride. This president, the next president, is gonna be left with the most significant task. It's like cleaning the Augean stables, man. This is more than just, this is more than – think about it, literally, think about it – this is more than just a capital crisis, this is more than just markets. This is a systemic problem we have with this economy." 

More missing statements but he actually, for some unknown reason, continues.

"I've forgotten more about foreign policy than most of my colleagues know, so I'm not being falsely humble with you. I think I can be value added, but this guy has it, this guy has it. But he's gonna need your help. Because I promise you, you all are gonna be sitting here a year from now going, 'Oh my God, why are they there in the polls? Why is the polling so down? Why is this thing so tough?' We're gonna have to make some incredibly tough decisions in the first two years. So I'm asking you now, I'm asking you now, be prepared to stick with us. Remember the faith you had at this point because you're going to have to reinforce us."

Possibly more missing here, but incredulously he goes on...

"There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, 'Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision', because if you think the decision is sound when they're made, which I believe you will when they're made, they're not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."

He says more in here about bin Laden and Pakistan "bristling with nuclear weapons" but the exact quote was not used.  And still he continues...

"You literally can see what these kids are up against, our kids in that region....the place is crawling with al Qaeda. And it's real....We do not have the military capacity, nor have we ever, quite frankly, in the last 20 years, to dictate outcomes.  It's so much more important than that. It's so much more complicated than that. And Barack gets it."

At the end of his incredible, slightly insane, but illuminating rant, Biden noticed the press and said, "I probably shouldn't have said all this because it dawned on me that the press is here..."

But I think we have the gist of it.

And don't worry, Joe.  I will be marking your words.  We are going to be attacked in some way because they are going to "test the mettle" of a "brilliant 47-year-old senator president" (who has no experience and could very easily be such a complete weenie that it would totally be worth it)  and Obama is going to do some things that very few people are going to like.  Sounds good to me.  I'll be sure to remember the dichotomy and what a liar you were during the debate when you knew the cameras were on you.

What really blows my mind out of this completely mind-blowing event, is when he says: "We do not have the military capacity, nor have we ever, quite frankly, in the last 20 years, to dictate outcomes."

Well who is the party on record for slashing the military to that point?  Obama made a lovely speech about how much he wants to cut the defense budget and the military...the same military (according to Biden) that doesn't have the capacity to dictate outcomes.  Biden, himself, that foreign policy expert extraordinaire, has a record of voting to cut the military almost every time he's had the opportunity.

This man, Obama, has no experience which in and of itself makes us a target for any nutball country  who thinks they have a shot.  That's the truth, as painful as it is to hear.  Now that in and of itself might be worth the risk for the right candidate, but Obama hasn't made any statements that might give our enemies pause.  And even worse, he has associated with people who truly hate this country.  Ayers is a Anarchist/Marxist (probably not even realizing the irony) who plotted and arranged the murders of his own countrymen.  Jeremiah Wright is a hate-filled race-monger.  Tony Rezko is a felonious scam artist who bilked the Illinois government out of millions, and ACORN engages in mass voter fraud.  If they don't think Obama is a pushover, they're going to think he's a fucking ally.

The question is why wouldn't terrorists, dictators, and totalitarian governments think he'd roll over on his country?  Everyone around him has.  Except maybe his poor, sick, typical white granny whom he called a racist just before throwing her under the bus along with his other unsavory friends (but only after their associations became known, of course...)

I guess it's lucky for him that the press doesn't care enough to give this a headline.

The Perils of the Art of Dance

Jethro and I decided to attempt to learn the Texas two-step.

We've both lived in Texas for years, we've been available to each other for awhile, and we've watched other people do it nearly every time we've gone out dancing, so it's ridiculous that we never learned.

Well we have a wedding coming up this weekend, and while there probably won't be too much country music played, we thought it might be nice if we could do a nice slow two-step if one came along. So I looked up a few songs on youtube and we began with not a little enthusiasm. We're in love, right? We find each other reasonably attractive when fully clothed, right? We rock the house a bit on occasion, right? Dancing to a rhythm using actual steps instead of the pubescent grinding we usually do shouldn't be too difficult, right?

Wrong. So very very wrong.

We couldn't agree on the steps (how hard can slow, slow, quick, quick be?) and the playful (yet so not playful) jabbing at each others' rib cages in quasi-frustration, quickly degenerated into a real scuffle and then somewhat of a brawl which included biting, kicking, scratching and punching with me eventually pinned down on the tile floor screaming that Jethro better release my arms or I was going to tear a chunk of flesh out of his personal area with my teeth sometime when he was least expecting it.

We began again somewhat more disheveled.

Zelda: "Long, long, short, short, 1..2..3..4.. It's not that difficult."

Jethro: "I can't follow your Jew rhythm."

Zelda: "Watch it, slope....2..3..4.."

Zelda: "For the love of shit....walk, don't bounce."

Jethro: "You have to take longer steps."

Zelda: "You have to take shorter steps."

Jethro: "You just cut my foot with your toenail.

Zelda: "You did that to me 15 minutes ago, but I didn't complain.

Jethro: "How the fuck do you think you're going to lead when you're going backwards?

Jethro - "You're not moving your feet in time to the music"

Zelda: "Because you're swinging your hips. Why the fuck are you swinging your hips?"

Jethro: "Because you have big hips and I'm trying to keep up with them."

Zelda: " You didn't just say that."

Jethro: "Oh the fuck. That's not what I meant. I just meant that women have wider hips than men and ..... oh the fuck. The fuck. I don't know what I meant anymore."

Zelda: "I think we better call it a night........"

............................................................................

............................................................................

............................................................................

............................................................................

Zelda: ............."Don't touch me, please."

I Feel Sicky, Oh So Sicky, I Feel Icky and Sicky And....

How do you "spread the wealth around" by forcing business owners to lay off employees?  How is the government desire to steal money and give it to whomever is likeliest to vote for them more efficient than people working for it and getting paid directly out of the business profits?  

Money is diluted when it goes through Washington.  One big fucking bureaucracy has to get paid/bribed just to collect/steal  all of that filthy lucre.  And there is no efficiency in D.C.  What makes Obama think the government can do a better job of paying people than the businesses that are actually paying people?  The government doesn't have so good a history with that kind of thing.

This just makes me sick to my stomach.  We're in our first year of business.  We have debt upon debt upon debt.  But if our gross income exceeds $250K, and it just might, we will have to pay upwards of $9,000 in federal taxes.  And this doesn't include an increase in the payroll tax which we have to pay even if we don't make any profit at all.  Adding upwards of $9,000 dollars to our debt when we are just barely scraping by means we will be forced to lay off the lady who works for us if we want to stay in business.  So the government, by taking around $15,000, will have forced us to lay off someone who was making over twice that with us.  And for that measly (in comparison) price, the government will have removed a perfectly life-sustaining job from the workforce in order to give much less (if anything) to that person by way of government handouts.

How is this sane, again?

Don't Do It

U.S. government mulls plan to take ownership stakes in banks

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Please, please, please, please, PLEEEEEEASE don't make me write in Ron Paul.  I can't stand Ron Paul.

The government can't run the government.  Don't let them take over the banks.

Say A Prayer

For my dear blogger friend ALa tonight.  She's a tiny little lady trying to deliver a very large baby.

An Evening Spent Gathered Around the Family Laptop

Setting: The Living Room sofa where Jethro is reading aloud an email he is writing to his friend, Corin...

Jethro: Dude, we were so glad we got to hang out with you and Serena before you left.  We definitely have to do an anime convention next time.  Zelda could go as the chick with the big tits....you know, all of them.

Zelda (in a solemn, quasi-feminist mood after watching Sarah Palin do very well in the debate): Jethro, you really need to stop being so sexist.

Jethro - What?  I love big tits.  How is that sexist?

Zelda: I don't know.  Maybe I could go as that lobster guy who does that thing with his claws.  He seems smart for having an exoskeleton.

Jethro - You don't have the ass for it.

Again, As Promised

Circumstances somewhat beyond my control have prevented me from doing this weeks ago, but Jim Treacher has been doing some excellent work defending Sarah Palin from the lies and smears of Obama's increasingly desperate and hateful minions.

And he is hilarious, god bless him. Even if you don't agree with us politically, he is still awesome.

Start here: http://jimtreacher.com/archives/2008_08.html

Continue through September: http://jimtreacher.com/archives/2008_08.html

Then bookmark him: http://jimtreacher.com/

Hopefully he will keep this going awhile.

As Promised

1. Our fence. It's not a big deal, but it's weird to see one's neighbor's yard and realize how small both of them really are.

2. A fallen tree just outside our neighborhood. It's kind of hard to get the perspective, but I'm 5'7" and if I were to stand next to the tree in its current state, it would be about 3 feet higher.

3. One of the many trees down in the next subdivision over.

4. Another tree in the same subdivision.

5. Just one long line of felled trees. Perspective is difficult again, but all of them lying down were taller than me.

6. This might give you some perspective on the size of the trees.

7. These trees were humongous and just torn up by their roots. I've never seen anything like it.

8. Bye bye fence.

9. Still marveling at how this humongous tree was just ripped up by the roots.

10. Not a particularly impressive amount of damage in this one, but I thought it was cool how the sod was torn up too.

My mom wanted all my sisters to say something at the wake.  Here's what I said.

Grandpa has been compared to such notable talents as Grouch Marx and W.C. Fields.  He had a self-deprecating wit that made Rodney Dangerfield appear a pillar of dignity and self-respect.

But Grandpa was nothing if not original.  He had the style of the old vaudevillians he used to watch as a young man, but he was never behind the times.

One of my last conversations with him - the details of which are probably best left to myself - revealed what a truly amazing life he had.  Cruising the South Pacific in the Navy during WWII, a chiropractic career in Arizona, romance on an international level as he was prone to claim, and an intimate knowledge of Las Vegas.

I don't know that he expected to be the grandfather to nine granddaughters, probably never considering offspring of his to be capable of such an incredible feat.  But whenever the magnitude would overtake him as he watched the typical female antics, he'd shake his head in incredulity at my mom and finding no other words would say, "Gotta hunch, have a bunch" as if this explained everything perfectly.

And for him it did.  He was not judgmental.

Recently, however, he decided to take matters into his own hands.  

Where biology had failed, bribery would succeed.

He issued a family-wide proclamation declaring that the first girl to produce a (legitimate) male heir would receive $1,000.  Or more depending on the stock market.

And not entirely trusting our skills in this matter, went ahead and included his great-granddaughters in on the offer.

It's a cliche, but also a truth that Grandpa left us a lot to laugh about.  And that's no mean legacy.

I love you Grandpa, I'll miss you. And thanks for everything.

I wrote that in about 15 minutes, just a few hours before I had to deliver it.  I think it was pretty good considering.  At least people laughed in all the right places.

I'm still going to post the pictures of the hurricane damage, but it will probably be tomorrow or the next.

Quickie

Jeth and I and the girls drove back to Houston last night for family stuff.  The wake and funeral are Monday and Tuesday, but we needed to go back a little sooner and see if there was any damage to our house here (fence down, that's all). 

I've never seen hurricane strength winds or the aftereffects, so I was shocked by the huge trees that had been completely uprooted before crashing through living rooms.  There were piles of branches higher than me all along the roads of our neighborhood.  Fences were down, roofs were torn off, windows blown out, it was incredible.

I've taken pictures mostly of the tree damage, and will post them as soon as I get back.  North of Houston is still without power, but we drove up there to see a friend and the wind destruction is not quite as bad as in the south where we lived.

Further south is even worse, but we're definitely not venturing down there, at least for awhile.  I'd hate to see worse than our suburb and I know there is.

The Art of Self Deprecation to Make Your Point

A rare moment in politics.

McCain Sings Streisand!