Friday, July 23, 2004

The Smell of Men Trying

I love the cologne Drakkar Noir.  I know people make fun of it now and say, "smell that cheesy loser, how 90s." But I love it.  It makes me want to get down on my knees and pray, and go dancing at some blacklit club and pretend to get drunk on amaretto sours and make out with someone in the backseat of his car in the parking lot.

It smells like a man trying.  And I appreciate it.

Men can go too far though.  The whole city slicker, dandy trend (I refuse to say metrosexual), irritates me.  I don't want anything to do with a guy who worries more about his looks than I do.  I'd rather have a guy with a unibrow and dirty fingernails than one who pays $200 for a silk shirt that makes him look like a fag.  Call me unenlightened, but I dislike ambiguity in men.   I think it's great in women though.

I know I'm a hypocrite, but I don't care.  If some guys want to be sensitive little pussies,  more power to 'em, but I can guarantee it's more trouble than it's worth.  Unless they are blessed with extreme good looks, guys should just make sure their clothes are clean, throw on some Drakkar, and hope for the best.  But go do something fun.  I think the best way to pick up women is to start playing a game, and ask the gal you have your eye on if she wants to play.  If you're playing darts or pool or something, you won't be just standing around NOT getting laid.  

Hey,  at least it's better than "I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle" (which, for some reason, I find strangely alluring).

Okay, I'm done.

I saw a lady in the grocery store yesterday who had no ass.  She was wearing sweatpants with the word "LOVE" where her ass should have been.  I thought, "What's to love?"



15 comments:

Greg said...

A nickel? I'll raise you a dollar if you make me holler!

Seeker said...

I do not understand how one can lose their ass it is one of the great mysteries of the world.

Zelda said...

Greg - not bad - I acknowledge your superiority in cheesy pick-up lines. :-)

Seeker - Neither do I - I just call it like I see it, or don't see it as the case may be.

Trashman said...

Preach on Sister.

Zelda said...

Yessir, Mr. Trashman, sir.

Jack said...

Yeah, we suck. No hard feelings, I hope.

Anonymous said...

None at all. It serves me right for wasting so much time online when I should be housecleaning or blowing my husband. You may just have him to deal with, though. :-)

Zelda said...

Dammit, I'm me. Not Anonymous.

Johnnie Walker said...

Wow! I didn't know you could even buy Drakkar anymore. They still make the stuff? Amazing.

Zelda said...

I don't know if you can, but my husband still has some from the 90s and I still like it.

Greg said...

Sadly my superior yet cheesy pick-up lines only succeed online, if then.

Angi said...

That's ok Zelda, I still like Polo. Takes me back to my younger years, that and Chaps , and Stetson. I used to keep Polo in the car and pour it in my carpet. Made a good air freshner...among other things.

CountChocula said...

Excellent nod to Bizarre Love Triangle. My first long term high school boyfriend was a Drakkar man, and when my Dad bought the same cologne, I made him switch to Polo. I don't find the "bad word that you won't say" men appealing either.

Turf said...

you can still buy it... i think at like target...

Inanna said...

LMAO!! That's why I have no ass...