Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Exercise in Futility?

So I decided to start the South Beach diet. After much research, I decided that it was the most challenging, and apparently there is nothing I like better than to set unrealistic expectations for myself. It bills itself as neither low fat nor low carb, when in reality it is both low fat and low carb. They can't pull one over on me. But nutritionally speaking, they're probably spot on.

I started yesterday, and I did ok. I didn't cheat too badly except for about 4:00pm when I became ravenously hungry and ate around 12 packets of dried seaweed. I don't want to hear about it. They were delicious. I don't think I strayed too far from the diet and they did say to eat until you were full, although I don't know if they really meant 12-packets-of-dried-seaweed full.

I had a huge breakfast this morning. I'm not usually a breakfast eater, but the diet insists that you eat breakfast, so I did. I had the generic brand of egg substitute with onions and green and red peppers, part skim mozzarella cheese, and salt and ground white pepper. And a glass of V-8.

I am so full that I think I'll hold off on lunch until around 3:00pm when I get the worst food cravings. I will eat a snack of dried seaweed until then, if I'm hungry.

I expect this diet to accomplish two things, the first being a healthy amount of thigh loss and the second being a rehab of sorts for our addiction to eating out.

Part of the problem is that the basis of mine and Jethro's relationship has been food. He used to take me out for dinner or lunch when I was too broke to afford it, and we fell in love over plates of spring rolls and bowls of Pho. Then we would get drunk and make out.

But where Jethro merely gained some pleasant little love handles which are invisible when clothed and don't look that bad when he's not, I have gained mounds of pasty white rolls of fat that are hidden only by vast expanses of fat lady clothes.

Jethro claims he wouldn't miss the food-part of our relationship if I lost weight and got hot. But I think he would more than he knows. However, I don't really enjoy being fat, so we'll just have to see what happens.

What would really suck is if I didn't lose weight and Jethro was stuck eating diet food and boning a fat wife.

I'll keep the blog updated with any progress/cheating. I don't have a scale, so I won't be able to weigh in, but I will let you know if my pants fall down in public. The late afternoon is always my downfall, so maybe I'll just blog through the cravings.

I must say it would be nice to be hot through my 30s.


Lisa said...

If South Beach doesn't work, give Sunsanne Summers a try. There's a book that she wrote called 'Eat, Cheat, and Melt the Fat Away'. Both my parents and I went on it - they both lost twenty pounds, and I lost thirty. And we're talking ridiculously fast (I lost six pounds my first week). And, four years later, we haven't gained the weight back.

Zelda said...

I actually looked into Suzanne Summers diet and you have to really restrict your fruit. But if this fails, I will certainly reconsider.

Only $19.95 said...

You crack me up!

My husband and I both ate, drank and made out. We both gained weight, me between 10 to 20 (it fluxuates -- it's closer to ten right now), and he gained 30 or so? Oh well. We still eat and drink, but instead of making out, we mostly pass out!