Monday, January 14, 2008

Lo! Who is that, striding out of the wasteland! It is Zelda, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver...

I have come to the conclusion that it is time for Jethro and me to part ways.

While we sleep.

He snores. It's getting worse. If the sleep apnea doesn't kill him, there is a very good chance I might. You know you're on a very bad track when you are waked by a particularly loud reverberation and think you're being logical as you weigh out the reasons why choking him to death is a good idea, and whether or not you should dig the grave first.

Last night was another straw. Since he snores, he doesn't fall into a deep sleep. This makes him prone to sleep activity. Last night he was pawing my face and throat and muttering to himself. When I woke up screaming, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" he informed me haughtily that he was just trying to help me.

I'm thinking that, given our deep sexual commitment, separate twins and a nice, thick, carpeted screen between them would not necessarily be a throwback to 1950s prudery.

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