Friday, August 26, 2005

The World Tilted

I can only leave this post up for a few hours. I'm afraid my sister reads this blog and I don't want my family to know what I'm about to say. I may repost this over at Brighton's later, if she still says it's ok.

Where to start. I check my stepdad's email for work. We get a lot of leads off the internet, so I have to moniter it closely. Yesterday I came across a strange email that I very nearly deleted as a porn-site solicitation. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was actually addressed to my stepdad and was from a woman with whom he'd quite recently had close physical contact. The world tilted sideways. I called Jethro in to read it, just in case I was totally missing something that made it innocent. Of course I wasn't. I looked at my stepdad's schedule and saw he had blocked out half the day with a client who didn't speak English and was trying to buy a cheap foreclosure in which to live. I know he would never spend that much time with a client such as that, but if I hadn't read the email, I doubt I would have given it much thought.

I called my step-dad and told him we needed to talk and that it was urgent. He said he would call me after his meeting. I said okay. I called him back and said, "Before you do anything you may regret, please talk to me first."

His appointment, which was supposed to take the rest of the day, only took an hour. He came to get me. I brought a copy of the email.

I didn't beat around the bush. He asked me if I wanted an explanation. I said that would be a start.

Without going into too much family history, my stepdad knew her and her husband a long time ago. They also have eight children. They are about to leave for a mission in Honduras (they're "missionaries" if you can believe it). The woman's husband is already down there. Stepdad had been trying to help them find a place to rent while they were here. He said he had a "moment of weakness" the day before, but he realized that it was stupid and foolish and it could not continue. He also insisted he had never had sex with her.

I believe he didn't have sex with her because her email intimated they had not. Yet. I told him that I loved him like a father, but my loyalty was to my mother. If I thought there was a chance he could give her an STD, I would have to tell her immediately, but as it stood, I couldn't bear to bring her world crashing down.

So that is where it stands. I told him that I would be keeping a close eye out. Other than that, I caved like the complete chicken-shit I am. I can't tell my mom. It would devastate her and the thought makes me physically ill. My poor mom has had so much to deal with in her life that to add this is the most nightmarish scenario. But I know she would want to know - or at least I know she'd think she would want to know.

I was awake most of the night debating with myself as to what would be the most honorable thing to do. I still don't know, but I contented myself with sending this email:

(names have been changed to protect the mother-fucking guilty)

Dear Vile Whore,

I am writing you to tell you that I know what went on between you and step-dad the other day. I have no wish to cause anyone pain, particularly step-dad's wife who has had quite enough for one person to deal with in a lifetime. But I don't hesitate to say that should you ever even attempt to communicate with step-dad again, I will take great personal satisfaction in exposing you to her, your husband, your family, your church, and your mission as the foul, unchristian, beastly slut that you are. I have a copy of your emails as well as all of your contact information. DO NOT TEST ME.

I don't usually use unchristian as an insult. It just doesn't seem insulting enough. But in this case it's warranted. Those morons actually had the nerve to talk about "the Lord" and "praying" in their adulterous emails to each other. They make me sick. Wasn't there a little commandment somewhere about not committing adultery? I seem to recall something Jesus said "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I know this because I spent a lot of time squirming in discomfort while priests used it to discuss the evils of masturbation.

And yet stepdad and this whore have the nerve to prance around Jesus' name as if that will justify what they do.

I am a Christian. A Catholic. I believe in Jesus. I believe we will be held accountable for our sins and/or crimes against others. I believe we have His forgiveness if we are truly sorry. But this Cult of Presumption to which my stepdad and this bitch seem to belong just blows my mind.

Perhaps I'm just naive. Perhaps I truly see humanity as being capable of loyalty and fidelity and honor. And maybe that is too high a standard. I admit to being a carnal animal but within a certain set of rules and promises. This is for the protection of our hearts as well as our health. But perhaps this is not enough for some people. Perhaps they will always put hearts at risk for that one blissful, forbidden moment. But is tonguing some whore while her husband is away really worth tearing an innocent person's life to pieces over? Is it?


Anonymous said...

One, take this post down.
Take step dad at his word on go on with life.
The results aren't worth the effort.

Zelda said...

one, no.
two, fuck you, you cheating coward.

Michelle said...

Zelda, I'm so sorry that your stepdad has put you in this position. I have no words of wisdom at all but to pray for the right answer. As a Catholic I believe marriage is a sacrament and that something like this is such a huge betrayal against those sacred vows that were professed in front of God. I guess I hold marriage in such high esteem that it is hard for me to understand at all why people cheat.

I'll say a prayer for you that you find the wisdom and grace you need to deal with this situation.

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