Practical Jokes in the Cold

It's chilly here. I awoke to the smell of the heater burning off all the summer lint. It's not a particularly nice smell, but it makes me chipper because I know it's cold outside and the house will be toasty. And a transplanted Yankee must take what she can get. If she can't have the smell of log fires, she can at least have the smell of burning lint.

And speaking of cold, I forgot to bring a sweater to work. So the whole office is now blessed with the vision of my nipples poking out of my shirt like horns on a Viking helmet. Lucky them. No matter how hard I poke them, I can't get them to stay down. I'm rubbing them real hard trying to warm them up, but to no avail. It's a good thing I work alone. I look like a lunatic.

Anyway, several amusing things happened at work yesterday. Fortunately I started my period, so I can see the humor in them as opposed to cold-bloodedly desiring the torture and death of the perpetrators.

Part of my job entails calling people who have, at one time or another, expressed interest in purchasing home. They email us with their contact phone numbers and we call them and try to convince them they want to buy a home with us. I get a lot of answering machines, and I pride myself on being able to see through a very irritating practical joke where the owner of said machine records a greeting in which they attempt to make you think you are talking to an actual person. It usually goes something like this:

Ring, Ring

Answering Machine: "HELLO?" (cheerily)

Dupe: "Hi! This is Zelda, from Dearest Stepfather's office. Is Ms. Cocksucker in?

AM: "HEEELLLOOOOOOO?" (in a slightly more irritated voice)

Dupe: YES, This is Zelda from Dearest Stepfather's office. Is....

AM: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We're not at home right now but I bet you thought we were. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's too bad we didn't think about the fact that we aren't home to witness your idiocy and discomfiture, but just knowing that it might possibly happen keeps us amused for hours. Well, back to brain surgery! Have a nice day!"

I've had that joke played on me about 5 times before I could tell. I won't lie when I tell you that every time I have wanted to stab someone in the neck.

But now I know. Except for yesterday.

Ring, Ring

AM: "Bueno?"

Dupe: "Hi. This is Zelda with Dearest Stepfather's office. Habla Inglés?

AM: "Que?"

Dupe: "Si. Soy Zelda con la officina de Dearest Stepfather..."

AM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! La gringa stupida! Viva la Reconquista! Orino encendido tu Alamo, Puta!

I did laugh. I couldn't help it.