Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Secret Dirty Words

Jethro, the girls and I had to stay with his parents for 4 months when one of our attic pipes sprung a leak and some mold appeared. While we were there, we attempted to be respectful of his parents house and not desecrate it with our carnal urges. but as I'm sure everyone knows, this is easier said than done.

I have to say that I have never done it in so many unusual places....the bathroom floor, the bathroom sink, the bathtub, the walk-in closet, the laundry room, the garage, the side of the house, and once we snuck back to our house and did it in the mold. All this had to be done in the dead of night and with the utmost stealth and silence because the house was quite full. His parents and two sisters lived there and one of his sister's boyfriends would spend the night, but had to sleep on the couch.

I don't think anyone would have blown a gasket or anything if we had been found out, but we tried to be respectful anyway. We started making up code words for horny, sexy, dick, pussy, and fucking. I can't remember now what most of them were, but I do remember that we would say "legitimate" instead of "horny." One of us would look at the other in all seriousness and say: "I am legitimate." I still think this is funny and can't hear the word now without snickering a little.

It actually still comes in handy now that the girls are paying attention to everything we do. I figured out that we would really have to start watching ourselves when the Eldest started slipping us the tongue when she would kiss us good night. She was only 3 at the time. But oops.

And speaking of oops, I have to find a safe place for the "toys." Eldest went into my nightstand and found one of them. (I only have two, but I'm thinking of consolidating.) She asked me what it was. I almost said "that's dirty, yuck" but I thought it might be a traumatic memory when she is old enough to know what stuff like that is. So I settled for "that's nothing, put it back." I figured that if I didn't freak out and I made her put it away, she wouldn't give it much thought. I'm probably wrong, but the damage is done.

I'm reminded of one of my sisters when she was about 4. She had put on one of my mom's bras and was pretending to pour something into glasses. The rest of my sisters and I caught her and began pointing and laughing like idiots. My sister started crying and said she was "just playing waitress." It was cute. Kids are cute. I'm glad I have them now while I have the energy.

There is nothing more irritating to me than parents who start having kids when they are in their 40s. I see them all the time - they have no control whatsoever over them because they are too damn old and tired. They are very patient, but patience doesn't stop a wild three-year old from destroying whatever it is they are hell-bent on destroying. I think parenting is largely intuitive. New parents in their 40s have had too much time to think and read. Slows their reactions. Bad.

I think I'm starting to ramble. I'm going to bed.


Angi said...

Just wait until your girls are old enough to knock on your door at 3 am and tell you to keep it down, she's trying to sleep.

Or, when your oldest tells you after you ahve been aprticularly cranky that day "mom, why don't you and dad go have some "quiet time" I'll watch my brothers for you.


Zelda said...

That would be awesome. I don't think I'll end up being able to hide the fact of lovemaking. I guess it is best just to place it in context. My parents used to tell my sisters and I that they were going upstairs to "move furniture." They thought they were sooooo clever. We saw through them immediately. I'm surprised that they didn't see the knowing looks that were exchanged every time they said it. It would have been better if they said they were going upstairs and don't bother us for about 4 hours. We'd have been cool.

jp said...

Just don't tell your kids that "Daddy needs to mow the grass upstairs." :o)

Zelda said...

Wouldn't dream of it, although it has been done :-)

Zelda said...

Actually, "downstairs" would be more accurate.

jp said...

That was my parents secret code word....mow the grass. That's just so sick and wrong on every level imaginable. To this day I have to say "trim the lawn" when I use my lawnmower.

jp said...

Oh, and you never visit me anymore, Z. :o(

Inanna said...

Get up for bathroom run between Round 2 and Round 3(the massage round), 7 year old meets me at bathroom door (HOLY SHIT!!) plants hands on hips, "Just what is going on here????" OY!!

My sister and bro-in-law spawned one of my nephews in my aunt's bathroom. I'm still dying to tell her...

Anonymous said...

Now this is funny ;)

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