Thursday, January 27, 2005

ARRRGHHH

I can't stand the pathos anymore. Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post. They mean a lot to me.

I went to Wal-Mart at about midnight last night. Anyone who can't appreciate the stew of human comedy that is Wal-Mart, well you'll just have to read about it from my perspective.

I was walking down the personal hygeine aisles searching for shampoo and a bikini trimmer minding my own business. There were two employees talking (loudly) about a display in the section, and they were standing right in front of the bikini trimmers. One was a skanky lady with permed hair, a smoker's voice, and about 3 pounds of eyeshadow. The other was a balding man who looked managerial in a sleazy kind of way. Not being terribly shy, I paused so they could move out of my way.

They stopped their conversation and the "lady" wheezed out, "Can I help you?"

Good grief. The only things I could possibly have been looking for were of a pretty personal nature, and I didn't really want her skanky ass or the balding greaseball she was talking to "helping" me.

Biting back a, "Yes , I need my pussy shaved. Can you help me?" I managed a polite, "No, thank you. I'm just looking." I decided to look for the shampoo first and I walked off to the skank saying, "Yeah, I went ahead and moved the display of those nasty douches..."

Shuddering slightly, but still trying not to laugh, I found my shampoo and went in search of some Tony Chachere's.

New Topic

I have to be very careful how I say this. I don't want to give off the wrong impression or anything. But I if I were ever to find myself in an the unfortunate situation of being a widow, I think I would wait about 3 years, then screw the pants off any guy between the ages of 18 and 25 provided they walk upright. I think I'm turning into a dirty old man except inverted. I want to prey upon the young.

Jethro doesn't have anything to worry about as long as he's alive. He will look 25 until he's 40. Lucky bastard. But I digress. Actually, I'm done with this subject.

New Topic: I haven't written about sex in awhile.

I was having sex last night and I discovered that I kind of do a running commentary during the act. Not in a radio announcer way...well maybe in a radio announcer way if the radio announcer was a horny girl. And it was more a series of questions and statements. "How's that? All your other girlfriends sucked didn't they? Oh HELL yeah. I'm the best aren't I? Harder. Oh HELL yeah." Kind of like that. I'm actually very worried that it's distracting and unattractive. Fortunately, I think Jethro tunes me out except when I say harder.

1 comment:

COMMENT THIS said...

On : 1/27/2005 8:21:33 PM Jethro (www) said:


Oh babe, that's okay. I want to feed on the young too. You know it'll be much easier once I have the title Dr. in front of my name. I've already been hit on in the clinic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/27/2005 8:21:49 PM Jethro (www) said:


Oh babe, that's okay. I want to feed on the young too. You know it'll be much easier once I have the title Dr. in front of my name. I've already been hit on in the clinic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/27/2005 9:18:38 PM Zelda (www) said:


Bitch.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/27/2005 9:24:50 PM micki (www) said:


you two are funny to watch.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/27/2005 10:01:37 PM Jen (www) said:


That my friends, is why I shop for my personal items online. No scraggly skanks or nasty old men to watch you shop for bikini razors or other unmentionables.

So did you ever get back to the shaving section, or did you just give up?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/27/2005 10:42:35 PM Zelda (www) said:


Thanks Micki

Jen - Yeah, I gave it up. But it was because the prices were too high. I just didn't want to spend 30 bucks on coochie shears.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 12:01:11 AM seven (www) said:


i recently bought a new Wahl beard/pube trimmer and it rocks ! only 18.95! ya, i trim em wanna make sumthin of it? ? i usually wait for female assistance tho lol unsightly when it grows down to your knees!! but braiding is nice...

somethin' about the word "harder" that men just can't resist huh?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 1:08:46 AM Zelda (www) said:


Oh HELL yeah!!

Where did you buy it? And is it ummm effective?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 1:13:22 AM tinyhands (www) said:


Another great blog brought to you by the good people at Drakkar.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 1:33:33 AM Zelda (www) said:




That's two.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 8:34:52 AM Inanna (www) said:


LOL!!! My favorite word .... harder.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 11:12:39 AM angi (www) said:


We just got a new Walmart, super, and my old one closed down. I'm kind of sad. I haven't graced the new one yet, it will be a while. Traffic is backed up for miles...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 11:38:20 AM cruel bartard (www) said:


You know the saying, men want their women to be angels outside the bedroom, pure as a fresh falling snow, but they want them to whores in the bedroom. Dirty talk is nice, its good for my piglish ego. There is nothing like you're woman telling you "harder baby harder".

I hear if you get an electric trimmer, you get a little vibratory action at the same time. At least thats what I've heard.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 12:14:15 PM Zelda (www) said:


Angi - I refuse to feel nostalgic for Wal-Marts when they close because I always know the new ones will be bigger, better, and have more crazy people.

CB - Problem is I'm not terribly ladylike "outside the bedroom."

And I've heard the same vibratory rumors, but that would be distracting to the task at hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On : 1/28/2005 1:50:37 PM micki (www) said:


I have a trimmer, not one that shaves completely. No vibratory action for me. Even when my husband uses it. (I can't see the relevant stuff so he does it.)