Sunday, October 31, 2004

Night Errors/More Protests

First things first. I've tried to separate my politics from my personal blogging. I will continue with that effort, but with the election so close both in time and in polls, I will have to be indulged in some political wankering (for lack of a better word) on my personal blog. Not that it will do a whole lot of good to ask, but please don't say anything too controversial in the comments. As I am sure regular blog readers are aware, I can't resist an argument especially to something insulting, and I have other stuff to do.

But I want to start off with probably the funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I will hold it over Jethro until the day I die. It is so coincidental that it occurred right after my post on sleep-humping.

We went to a Halloween Party Friday night at Jethro's school. I'll have pictures to post shortly. I drank quite a bit of trashcan punch. We made it home, attempted to make love, but passed out before it was possible. Let me preface this by saying that we had fallen asleep on the opposite sides of the bed from which we normally sleep. I woke up when Jethro got out of bed. I jolted upright when I heard Jethro whizzing on top of a pile of clean laundry in the corner of the bedroom, exactly where the toilet would have been if he'd been sleeping on the other side of the bed.

I whisper-shouted (gasping for breath because I was laughing so hard), "Jethro! You're peeing on the floor!"

He cut it off, grunted something like, "Oh shit," and stumbled into the bathroom, where he proceeded to take the longest piss I have ever heard in my life - and that was with part of it on the floor of the bedroom! If I could have wiped away the tears of laughter clouding my vision, and been able to breathe, I would have timed it.

As luck would have it, he didn't remember a thing the next day, but the pile of wet laundry was proof of my tale. Thank goodness it was there and he didn't pee on the carpet.


We went to the Park again. We didn't have the element of surprise this time, so the Wankers were waiting for us with much more anger and hate. We got it all on tape.

Let me just give some advice to ANYONE who wishes to engage in political protests. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS bring a video camera and record EVERYTHING - from the second you get there until you leave.

After asking us how many of us were in the military, the Kerrywankers insulted our veteran of two Iraqi deployments as well as our new recruit, and told us many, many times to kiss their asses.

But the crowning moment came when I was involved in a heated discussion with someone who had just insulted our veteran. He called him a peon, and a paid assassin (this, after telling the rest of us civilians, that we should go join the military). You can't insult a veteran within my hearing, or I will call you out. I lit into this guy and I'll admit I was yelling at him pretty hard. He was a huge man, with big guns. I'm a medium woman with no guns. One of the Kerrywankers said he was calling the police because I (medium woman, no guns) had assaulted the insulter (big man, huge guns). Well, I did. Verbally. Jethro said to the Kerrywanker (who was bradishing his cellphone threateningly) quite calmly, "Go ahead. We have the whole thing taped, and you will be arrested for making a false report." Needless to say, the cops never showed up.

I find it amazing that the fundamentalist lefties are so willing to insult police officers, call them racists/nazis/fascists, whatever. But just watch them go running to the cops whenever they are intellectually outnumbered. [Insert lisp] "Officer, officer! You and your nazi thugs must come right away and stifle the free speech of our fellow citizens who disagree with us." It is amazing that those granola-eating, patchouli-stinking weirdos get anything done.

There were a few amusing moments. A chubby little man, who identified himself as a "faggot" (his words), wearing short little running shorts and a Bye Bye Birdie t-shirt ran up to us, began running in place, and for some inexplicable reason started chanting: "Bush-isn't-a-Chris-tian, Bush-isn't-a-Chris-tian, You-are-neanderthals, You-are-neanderthals" I have no idea why he was so willing to make a fool of himself, but since he was, I started telling observers to come "watch the monkey dance." He wasn't too pleased with that, and eventually ran off with his round little heiney bobbing up and down, to our cheerful shouts of "Bye-bye, Birdie!"

The same man who had announced last week that we had inspired him to run 6 miles for Kerry (instead of his usual 3), announced that he had done the same this week and then said he had no healthcare because Bush wouldn't give it to him. He was urged to "move to Cuba." He was actually a rather good sport because he moved his tongue around rapidly, trying to come up with a response, and when he couldn't, he started laughing and said we lived in a great country because we could all stand out here and debate these ideas. We all concurred, and he went on his way after encouraging us all to vote. There may actually be hope for him.

Another man ran up to us and started screaming incoherently. After he was done spewing, he said he hoped the FBI wasn't going to start following him. Jethro told him to watch out for black helicopters and to make sure he wore his tin-foil hat at all times. He looked at us like all of his worst fears had just been confirmed, and ran off. Secretly, I thought it might be wise of the FBI to keep an eye on him. Babbling idiot conspiracy theorists don't strike me as all that safe. Come on people. The nature of the FBI and the CIA doesn't change with each administration.

There was an angry lady who told us all to go home to our families. Jethro said, "This is for my family," to which she articulately responded, "Kiss my ass." She had copious amounts of sweat issuing in a dark line from her buttocks, so I have to say the invitation was even more gross than usual. Besides, you don't insult my husband in front of me without some form of verbal retribution. I (immaturely, I admit it) told her that her butt was small and ugly, and she better keep running for Kerry. She made angrier, and this time unintelligible, sounds and drove off in her so-very-gas-efficient Ford Expedition.

Another lady with a Kerry t-shirt drove up to us in her so-very-gas-efficient GMC Yukon, laden with Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers, and said she didn't understand our signs and that we ought to be clearer. I'll admit that you might have to read some of our signs twice before you fully understand them. I'll give you an example of a few of them: "End Overpopulation. Support Socialized Medicine" and "Say No To War (Unless a Democrat is President) and "Except for Fascism, Totalitarianism, Dictatorships and Genocide, War Never Solved Anything." They are supposed to make you stop and read them twice. It is a subtle concept lost on leftist reactionaries who will always fall for any cheap slogan.

But the better, more productive moments came, as always, in the calm. Most of the Kerry people had gone, and the ones who were left had wisely decided to ignore us. We were all quiet, just holding our signs. I had, as I always do without realizing it, moved towards Jethro, who put his arms around me. I was so happy to be there with him that some of the anger I had felt earlier melted. I was able to smile at people again and noticed more and more people running by with their thumbs up or their fists in the air, calling out, "Bush Rocks!" and "Four More Years!" or simply jogging up to us, shaking our hands, and saying, "Thank you for coming out here."


Trashman said...

I really enjoy your tales of the Kerrywankers. Now you will have to excuse me I have to go insult Jethro. LOL

Jenny said...

Jethro peeing on the laundry LMAO! That beats me attempting to drag my hubby off the front lawn where he fell after I drove him home. And where he just wanted to stay for the night.

Good for you at the Kerry thing!

Anonymous said...

On : 10/31/2004 12:27:01 PM Trashman (www) said:

I really enjoy your tales of the Kerrywankers. Now you will have to excuse me I have to go insult Jethro. LOL


On : 10/31/2004 12:44:52 PM trogers (www) said:

I can't wipe the tears away fast enough to keep reading. I'll bet you do hold over his head for life. Just be thankful he had enough about him to know where the toilet was 'supposed to be'. Angi's sister one time, got up and pissed on her husband. I'm still LMAO. Coincidentally, I just posted about why I drink, but don't get drunk. Tell me if any of that is familiar.

As far as your politics, I agree with it all. Not even one complaint.


On : 10/31/2004 3:23:28 PM Jeanette (www) said:

Damn, girl. You have a way with words.


On : 10/31/2004 5:28:35 PM Inanna (www) said:

LMFAO at Jethro!!! Love your heart!!!


On : 10/31/2004 5:55:57 PM jethro (www) said:

How is it that the sober one was the one who ended up pissing in the corner.


On : 10/31/2004 7:17:17 PM Ren (www) said:

Kerrywankers Bwhahahahaha


On : 11/1/2004 1:01:45 PM Lisa (www) said:

OMG. That was too funny! It reminded me of a Halloween party about 6 years ago. A bunch of us friends from online met at another couple's house in Georgia. I'm crashed on the couch- All of a sudden, one of the guys hops up, goes straight to the livingroom, whips out his package and starts peeing on an empty box. His wife runs in there:

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Takin' a piss."
Wife: "Just where do you think you're peeing?"
Husband: "On the concrete."

His ass thought he had made it outside.

I just about pissed on the couch myself.


On : 11/1/2004 2:29:37 PM Johnny Monk (www) said:

i prematurely commented. my b

that peeing story is great. drunk people do crazy things! i dislike when people bash the military for being in irag. we should be supporting them. my uncle was working in the pentagon when the plane had hit, and he was in iraq recently as well. some people are just extremely narrow minded on certain topics. especially those people who drive around in thier 10 mile a gallon SUV's. also an interesting fact i heard on the radio this morning is that for the past 36 years when the washington redskins play the weekend before the elections wether they win or lose depends on who wins the election. i forget exactly how it was worded but pretty much it goes like this if they won then bush would be elected. and they lost so the favor goes to kerry for winning. the past elections have come out true based on this, so it will be interested to see if it holds true this election. the redskins did lose.