Thursday, February 17, 2005

Well I turned down some hot buttery sex this morning. I can't believe it either. I love having sex in the morning. But I was right in the middle of having a dream that I was Imelda Marcos (courtesy (I believe) of Jay's girl/boyfriend) which is ridiculous because I am barefoot 99.9% of the time. In my sleep-addled mind, I decided that it would be undignified to have sex while wearing my expensive, non-existent shoes. So now, I'm all nervous and er... antsy. JETHRO COME HOME!!! I'm sorry I didn't give it up this morning.

Okay. I'm through begging for sex. I think I'll give that up for Lent.

Johnnie Walker writes of a girl who wants to take him to dinner and may or may not want him to fuck her brains out. How does that happen? Most guys I know would give their left nut to go out to dinner with a girl who may or may not want them to fuck her brains out. They'd risk rejection and humiliation just to give it a shot. Have I mentioned that I like guys? They are so adorably transparent. Don't ever play mind games fellas. It's unattractive, you don't have the skills, and thank God for it.

I saw The Notebook the other day. I'd been avoiding it ever since my sister-in-law told me it was good, but I went to visit my pregnant friend who had rented it and her husband took advantage of my being there to not watch it.

She loved it. And cried. I was mortally embarrassed. I can't stand watching people have sex. Let me rephrase. Porn I can do, but I absolutely hate watching people who look like they ought to care about each other "make love." It is so personal. I feel like I'm minding their business. But I don't think most chicks feel this way. I was squirming the entire time because her husband (the big pervert) only came out to watch the sex scenes. To me sex is fun. Or funny. I just don't think of it the same way cheesy moviemakers do with long somber looks riddled with romance. To me that's corny and unrealistic. Maybe I'm just unromantic, but I find sex a really great way to pass the time, or set our marriage on the right track without using up a whole lot of useless words, but mostly just to get off. It's fun. And funny. And I'm going to quit talking about it now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

On : 2/17/2005 7:10:13 PM micki (www) said:

I fast forward through the sex scenes all the time. I just don't see how 2 actors say they don't get off on it and are uncomfortable. If they don't really feel anything, why does it look like they do?
Ah, well I'm in a weird mood today. Had a bad day.


On : 2/17/2005 7:16:26 PM Ciggy (www) said:

Some movies do sex scenes better than porn though. Like in "Slackers" you get to see the chick's face exactly as you would if you were the guy schtupping her. In porn it's some third person angle from 20 feet away, which isn't exactly conducive to fantasizing about taking the guy's place in the act. A lot of the porn that's out there is really poor production quality, poor artistic quality, and just plain useless as masturbation fodder. Some exceptions are Elegant Angel, IVD, and *sometimes* Dane Productions gets it right.


On : 2/17/2005 7:19:41 PM Zelda (www) said:

Micki - I won't go so far as to say that I fast forward through it

Cig - You're right, of course. Porn is mostly really bad, but it doesn't make me feel as if I'm watching someone's private business, which is what makes me unconfortable more than the act itself. Does that make any sense?


On : 2/17/2005 9:38:01 PM Trashman (www) said:

Ciggy I would agree with you, however there is a movie out called "Real Swingers Stories 2 - Phuckin In Phoenix" I hear it's tha BOMB


On : 2/17/2005 10:09:30 PM Jen (www) said:

I'm with you on this Zelda, I don't care for the mushy, mushy, let me stare at you with tender loving eyes while I caress your face and neck kind of sex and foreplay in the movies. It is very awkard and embarrasing to watch. Particularly at the movie theatre. I don't care to watch it, so my mind usually wanders to what all the other people in the theatre are thinking at that exact moment. Generally, my vivid imagination gets the best of me, and I get totally grossed out and DO NOT want to continue sharing the armrest with the strange guy next to me.


On : 2/17/2005 11:50:14 PM Lisa (www) said:

I'm all for doing the making love lovey stuff at home if the mood strikes. But I'm all for a good round of wild monkey loving.

And Trashy- you promoting your own work?


On : 2/18/2005 10:01:11 AM Ciggy (www) said:

Trashman, I'll have to give your suggestion a try and come back with a critique.

I had a gf once who, whenever I'd do the gentle love-lovey type foreplay, would step back and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I WANT IT ROUGH, DAMMIT! LOL...


On : 2/18/2005 10:38:38 AM elliott (www) said:

" Don't ever play mind games fellas. It's unattractive, you don't have the skills"

Now I have to wipe off all that coffee that I just blew on the screen.


On : 2/18/2005 12:53:18 PM Gooch (www) said:

I hate movies that show people having sex under the sheets. Does anybody do that in real life? Seems way to hot (physically hot, not "hot" hot).


On : 2/18/2005 1:06:37 PM Zelda (www) said:

I think it is a losing battle trying to convince men that sex scenes are bad no matter what capacity they are shown in. I'm willing to let it go.

Trash - I am determined to find that movie and watch it.

Jen - Remind me to NEVER watch sex with you. Even porn.

Ciggy - you are a lucky man. Did you ever have anyone say PINCH THEM! HARDER!?

Elliot - Sorry about that. Just be glad it was only coffee.

Gooch - I have sex under the sheets sometimes. And sometimes it gets hot. But I'm not taking any chances after what happened a few months ago.

Here (if anyone is interested):


On : 3/1/2005 8:54:19 AM T (www) said:

I fast forward TO the sex scenes, I can "watch" the movie later. Which reminds me... "The Notebook" has been sitting "un-viewed" in my media room for 2 weeks. Thank God for NetFlix.