War Blog

I'm back and in the mood to blog some war.

When I found out Abu Musab al Zarquawi had been killed by U.S. troops (which was 2:00am Western on June 8), I was as elated as I have been since Saddam's capture. Probably more because the fucker is dead. It has now been revealed that he lived for 52 minutes after the bomb blasts and died of massive internal injuries. I sincerely hope they were the most brutal, painful, torturous 52 minutes that could ever be experienced by a human being. It isn't enough, but it's a start.

In a baffling attempt to mitigate this victory, it has been circulated through our stunningly honest and accurate media that our soldiers may have beaten the fatally injured Zarquawi. I've stated this around the blogosphere, but I will repeat it here since I will never be swayed from this position.

WHO FUCKING CARES?

Zarquawi beheaded innocent people while they screamed and begged for mercy. He enjoyed doing it. He videotaped himself doing it. Those stupid islamofucks should be thanking Allah it was the troops who found him and not me. Because if I had my way, the cocksucker would have had his eyeballs replaced with his testicles and his severed dick wrapped in bacon, dipped in menstrual blood (which I would happily provide), and shoved down his no-longer-ululating throat. After it had been rammed up his hairy fucking ass.

And as for our marines in Haditha, they are innocent until proven guilty. And if the death penalty pansies can apply that to the point of absurdity to any child-molesting, grandmother-raping, flesh-eating murderer, surely they can find it within themselves to apply it to our marines.

I'm going to go eat a steak and scratch my balls.