I have to say, in what is a morbidly depressing political scene, I am really enjoying Rod Blagojovich.  He could be a parody of a sleazy politician, and yet he's so very very real and so sincere in his sleaze.  

He's like Al Sharpton, Ron Howard, and Lindsay Lohan's mom all rolled into one.  He's the Anna Nicole Smith of politicians.  But alas, he was thrown under the bus with such haste and verve, that I don't believe we will never know how far his tentacles (and follicles) of sleaze extended.  Pity.

And President Obama is wasting no time attempting to steal the money to pay off his supporters. Nearly one trillion dollars in the first week.  It's breathtaking.

Almost the first thing he does is put a tax cheat and a lobbyist (in violation of his supposed standards) as Secretary of the Treasury (which controls the IRS).  I don't get it.  Geithner?  I thought Obama was full of crap when he pontificated about not allowing lobbyists to serve in his administration, but I never expected my skepticism to be proven correct so immediately.  It's dizzying.  Geithner must have been owed one powerful favor.  I'm curious about who Geithner worked for before this and how much they are getting from the "stimulus package."

And where were the Republicans?  Only 4 voted against his nomination.  Are they trying to get along or are they complicit?

And then there is the mind-boggling stimulus package we're being whipped into a frenzy to support.

Naturally Obama is going to be absolutely transparent about it.  He has a government website devoted to detailing exactly how he intends to screw us - after the theft passes of course, so no one can protest beforehand.  He's mocking us, I think.

I'm trying to be glad the Republicans are sticking together on this one, but really it's too little too late and as far as I'm concerned, it's just for show.

Make your big purchases now and make sure they are durable because inflation will be beyond your wildest imaginings in 2 years.

I'm not allowed to make out with Jethro at the clinic anymore.  It seems he has hang-ups about sporting a chubby in front of patients.

:-(

Update:

I was cooking chicken and something popped and splattered hot grease from my neck to the tops of my breasts.  I think I'll wear something low cut tomorrow.

I saw a license plate that said BG PCKR.  Do you think they were really trying to say Big Pecker?

The Spelling Bee

At the risk of Mommyblogging, Gwennie made it to the school spelling bee.  We were pretty happy about that because Jethro and I are both good spellers, with Jethro being somewhat better - which irks me to no end seeing as how he's a fucking immigrant - but I digress.  I also said fucking.  I think that makes this less mommybloggish.

Anyway, poor little Gwennie didn't make it past her first word, which was 'yacht'.  I was just glad she wasn't the first one out.  But she was piiiiiissed off.  It was hilarious in a sad little way.  Before the spelling bee, the teacher said the kids who misspelled their words were supposed to sit on the stairs until the round was over and then they could go to their parents if they wanted.  Gwennie paid no heed and marched off the stairs straight to me with a scowl on her face that nearly made her eyes disappear.  I gave her a hug and told her it was okay and that 'yacht' was a pretty hard word that most of the other kids probably couldn't spell either.  "Yeah," she grumbled bitterly.  "It's not like it was "cotton," which was a word that got one of the other kids to round 2.

I let her send text messages to her father and her aunt and the sting abated.  The winner and the runner up got trophies, and all the kids got certificates, which made her a little happier.  She likes certificates.

Anyway, I'm off to do mommy things.  Catch y'all later.

Chicago Ascendant (God Help Us All)

So I'm right smack dab in the middle of exercising my right not to be forced to watch that shyster's inauguration.

I'm so pissed off, I could violate someone.

I am paying for classes in order to learn.  I am not paying to watch some ridiculous hack and his swarm of inebriates pretend they are something more than politics at its worst.

Fuck Obama, fuck the media, and fuck his slavering minions and useful idiots.

Queen of the Double Wide

Jethro and I heard a rumor of a 5 bedroom trailer on 1+ acres in a pretty little town 30 minutes from the clinic that the owner is trying to unload for around 20 thousand.

We went to look at it on Saturday, and it wasn't horrific.  It needs a lot of work, but it's mostly cosmetic - clearing out junk, repairing sheetrock, painting, cleaning.... those kinds of things.  I have to say it's hard to sniff at a home and an acre for less than a new car.  We shall see what we shall see.  I like the country.  And I want to raise rabbits.

Note To Self:

I really must remember that men's pajama pants shouldn't be worn in public and if they are, absolutely must not be worn sans undergarments.  I'm getting funny looks when I flip the switch at bad drivers.  I think I'm sending mixed signals.

To Be Or Not To Be

I'm having trouble deciding whether to be a dick or not.  I checked out a book from the library at my school and I kept it way too long.  I just didn't have the time to return it or even renew it.  Now they want to charge me a humongous fine - more than the book is even worth - and I don't want to pay it.  I know what it says in the student handbook and all that, but I consider most things in life to be negotiable.  I didn't have a problem paying the fine for it being overdue, which I actually did.  The library didn't have change when I went to return the book and pay up, so I have a credit on my account.  The problem is that the librarian says I owed far more (and technically I probably do) and only wants to refund me a few pennies.

What it really boils down to is that I'm irked that I keep getting emails telling me what a jerk I am for not having returned the book in a timely fashion even though the library still owes me money.  Now I just want to be a dick and get back more money.  For fun.

Oh, and I'm sick.  I have a cold and the shivers.  And I mistakenly referred to the movie "Top Gun" today as "Spaceballs" which was funny and not entirely inappropriate, but I didn't catch it until Jethro had stared at me quizzically for almost a full minute.  I'm a little off.

Very Nearly Bits 'n' Pieces

I've had lots of little stories swirling around, but they've been driven out of my mind by a visit from Jethro's parents yesterday.  His sister told us his mom has developed osteoporosis, and when I saw her she looked so frail and weak that I got extremely frightened.  She hasn't looked great for the past year, but it was always late at night when we'd see her and I thought she was just tired from work. She works relentlessly.  But yesterday she looked worse then when I'd seen her at night.  She's had some testing done, but Jethro wants them to do more and the trick is getting his parents and their doctor (who has known Jethro since childhood) to take him seriously.  He thinks her bone loss is happening too fast for it to be just regular osteoporosis and what he says makes sense.  But the old folks, which includes his mom's doctor, think he's just a youngster.  Perhaps if we frame it as "teaching the young upstart a lesson" we can get them to order the necessary tests.

And I'm sure it didn't help her when she saw Gwennie take a header from her bike yesterday.  I know it didn't do anything good for me.  Gwen was showing off and riding much faster than she should have been.  I'm not sure exactly what happened but I think she braked with the hand brakes which only stopped the front wheel, which meant that she (and the back wheel) went ass over tea kettle (in a whirling frenzy of madly gyrating bony little knees and elbows) - in midair - right over the front wheel.  She landed headfirst, somersaulted, and skidded a little on her back.  From a more detached point of view, it was one of the most spectacular bike crashes I've ever seen.  

I've always secretly thought that bike helmets were kind of stupid and why couldn't kids just be kids the way I was a kid, but that hasn't stopped me from religiously making sure that Gwennie and Emma wear them.  Maybe maternal instinct won out.  Or maybe, deep down, I just know that Gwennie isn't a kid the way I or anyone else was a kid and that she needs the extra protection.  I don't even want to speculate what kind of kid she might have been if she hadn't been wearing her helmet.  I heard the sound it made when it hit the concrete.

Anyway, she got a pretty decent scrape on her back and some little ones on her elbows and I think there was a little one on her nose, but that's it.  She was really really lucky.  And my heart has returned to it's usual verge-of-heart-attack state.

The Billboard Campaign

Not that anyone should care in the slightest, but I did promise, so here it is:

In order to produce these poorly drawn images, I had to scour more porn than could be imagined by even the most debased sex offender.  Type in "hot guy abs" in google image finder without the safety filter and you will be led to the most astoundingly objectionable websites that could ever be conceived.  I even found a naked Santa, and used him gleefully and shamelessly.  The Horror.

The only thing I'm proud of is the fact that I turned it in on time, no thanks to my retarded classmates.  One of them was a misogynist (and that word is really too big to describe him) who was disgruntled that a female was supposed to direct the project.  He wouldn't do anything I asked of him outside of class, he completely ditched one class without calling me or the other guy, and then had the nerve to tell me to calm down and not take it out on him the day the project was due.  I was so livid at that, I actually lost my power of speech.  I did not give him any credit in the summary of the project.

The other guy was nice, but didn't really know how to use the programs very well, so the amount that he could help was limited.  At least he showed up to every class, though.  And he did help me mount the projects in the school which we weren't supposed to do, because using spray mount inside closed spaces does something to asthmatics or something.  

Normally I wouldn't have violated the rules like that, but we had 10 minutes to complete the project, and those two imbeciles were running around the school looking for a glue stick.  I led them to the stairwell, which no one ever uses.  Useless-Idiot-Sexist said, "Oh heeeeeeelllllll, no" and turned around.  I said, "Oh for Christ's sake, I will take full responsibility."  The other one hopped from one foot to the other like Nervous Nelly the whole time, but at least he stuck around.  And no one ever knew.

When I shortly reveal my holiday schedule, you will forgive me for not posting sooner. I've been like Rip Van Winkle since 9am on Christmas day. But hopefully my narcolepsy will be forgiven eventually.

The one nice thing about being so busy is that I haven't had time to read about politics. But then I come across this article and realize that it's because no one is writing about politics.

I'll leave you with my comment to the intrepid Mr. Colvin, which I am quite sure will not be published in the interest of keeping the public's right to worship intact.

Sweet Weeping Willow. Could Mr. Colvin raise his loins any higher in the direction of Obama's face?

This is bad for a high school girl, but for a professional journalist? I'm cringing for him.

If he wants to write about a bad-ass whom he could never hope to be, he should write about a marine, not this ivory-towered poseur with less street cred than Barry Goldwater.

Hope Everyone Had A Great Holiday. Will Post More Upon Return From Houston.

Make No Mistake. They're Trying To Take Over The World.

Chappy Chanukah!

Bustin' Out All Over

To make up for my lack of posting, I have here a photograph of my sisters and I at our other sister's wedding.  It was the end of a long night.

I'd love to post something. I really would. But I'm drowning in ass. I explain later.

School Daze

I really do get caught up in my work at school, so sometimes I forget just who I'm going to school with.

One of my classmates, oh, I'll call him Hector, wandered into class the other day, an hour late, completely disheveled, and walking very slowly. He asked if the instructor was around. Someone said he stepped out for awhile. Hector just stood there and finally someone asked him if he was sick.

"Naw, man," said Hector looking pale.

"You don't look too good."

"I spent the weekend in the hospital," said the rumpled Hector.

"Did you have surgery?"

"Naw, man," said the increasingly vacant Hector.

"So WHAT HAPPENED?" The classmate's curiosity finally getting the better of him.

"Oh, I got stabbed, man," said Hector returning to Earth briefly.

"How the hell did you get stabbed?" asked the curious classmate.

"I was hanging out with this girl and her ex-boyfriend came over. You know how shit like that goes down."

Now I don't know about any of you, but I really don't know how shit like that goes down. No human being on earth seems worth the stabbing or the receiving of the stabbing. However, 3/4 of my classmates were nodding their heads sagely.

And then that evening, I was talking with my group for the Starbuck's project, prattling on about various ideas. Finally, I stopped and asked if anyone else had something to say.

I was stared at blankly for a few seconds, and one of them says, "Well, what I think we need to do is find a way to sell the product."

The other one offered his girlfriend up as a prop - a sexy prop - for the photo shoots.

Tears came into my eyes momentarily and I'm still not sure whether it was from mirth or frustration.

I'm doomed.

Appeal to Cleverness

For one of my classes, I have to do an ad campaign for Starbucks.  We're supposed to do 3 magazine ads, 3 billboards, and 1 direct mail piece.  This is a group project and the two guys I'm paired with can draw very nicely, but are idiots.  I hate putting it so bluntly, but there isn't time to be nice.  Anyway, I've been put in charge of the group, which means my grade will be affected more if it turns out crappy.  And this has me very, very worried.  I don't foresee being able to brainstorm with my group members, so I'm resorting to my good friends in the Blogland.

My instructor really likes sexy (bordering on risque)/funny, which is good because that amuses me too.  But Starbucks, to me, is neither sexy nor funny.  To me, Starbucks is expensive and pretentious - two nearly unforgivable qualities for advertising.  Plus, they don't really have any previous ad campaigns to work from, except some deadly serious tv commercials.

So I need a clever theme that I can carry through 7 different ads.  It doesn't have to be sexy, just clever.  Starbucks is desperately in need of some kind of retooling with people spending less on things like overpriced coffee, so maybe there's a crack in the door there.  

Any ideas would be most humbly and gratefully accepted.  The best I can do by way of reward, is post the final project and write your name in blazing color on my blog.

I Feel Rather As If The Turkey Stuffed Me.

Ok, Trash, ok.

So all my best laid plans were for naught.  I meant to give Douchebag his note back on Wednesday, but my class got our early and I wanted to get home, so I kept the note in my pocket and decided to give it to him when I got back from Houston.  Alas, and to make a long story short, I washed the jeans with the note in the pocket and it is now but a soggy, shredded memory.

So now it's on to plan B which is to ignore completely.  I can do.  And if he brings it up again, I'm going to point at his crotch, snicker, and say "I don't think so, jefe."

Problem solved.  Except that I might get my tongue cut out in the parking lot.

Thanksgiving went off with only one major psychotic episode involving the use of my grandfather's car, which is probably a record.  One good thing about having a million sisters is that one, tiny lesbian girlfriend goes virtually unnoticed.  She's a quiet little thing and just for that I like her.  Probably better than most of my sisters.

Anyway, there is more, but it isn't very interesting and I have major shit due tomorrow, so I will say adieu for now.

Okay.  I'm going with Tater's suggestion.  I'm going to write something brief as in "no, and please don't bring this up again. Ever." on it and give it to him.  That way I've given everything back to him and he knows there is no question lingering.  I get what people are saying about ignoring him completely, but it isn't a large school, I will definitely have him in other classes, and he would be very difficult to avoid.  Also he was a little too persistent to ignore and I really want to avoid any further conversation.  It was intensely embarrassing.

I just love blogging.  You gain access to such clear thinkers, even if you do have to wade through mounds of troll droppings sometimes.

So enough of that.

What is everyone doing for the holidays?  We are going to my mom's house and my "lesbian" sister is bringing her "girlfriend" whom she will be introducing as her "roommate."  

*whine* I don't waaanna go home!!!  I wanna stay in New Town with my sexy American boyfriend and make my own stuffing and cranberry sauce and turkey.  */whine*

Anyway, I am going to finish my logo projects and post them when I'm done.  I'm doing one for the Ice Hotel in Scandinavia, which is the coolest thing ever.  I can't wait to show off that one.

The *Heart* Letter

Men are so frickin' weird. I really think they would molest a wasps' nest covered in broken glass and lemon slices if it looked like it had boobs.

Here's a letter I got from one of my classmates. After coming on to me repeatedly tonight in spite of my gentle, yet consistent negativity, he followed me out of class as I was leaving and gave me this note (spelling and grammar all his):

Zelda,

Hey thanks for talking to me . Just to let you know I wouldn't want to cross no lines

But maybe a little flirtation. I've always found you attractive and I know you situation.

But if you ever become Free let me know. Hope we can talk as friends and just a little Flirting wouldn't Hurt.

well you can answer me back or throw this away. well my email is ---------@-----.com

ok.

I think you are sweet, too Very sexy & Hot. your man is lucky.

Mmmm. Honestly I would love to Be with you. I don't think you can Image what I'm thinking :-) well talk to you later.

Classmate

P.S. Would I Have a chance?

And he put a heart around the word 'love'.  

I told Jethro because we promised to tell each other shit like this, and I gave him the letter. Then I ran away and hid my head under the pillows in our room while he read it and laughed his ass off.

I'm not quite sure what to say. It goes against my nature to be harsh or cruel directly to someone's face or even in a letter back to them, mostly because I am rather pathetically grateful that anyone finds me attractive enough to write a cheesy letter to.

Anyway, I'm emailing him back tomorrow and here's what I have so far:

Classmate,

I read your letter and I would never consider the idea. If I wasn't clear about this at school, I'm very sorry and I'm glad for a chance to be direct. I am deeply in love with my husband and my relationship with him means everything in the world to me. There is no one on this earth that would make me put it in danger. You're a nice man, but I know you have a wife and children and I'm sure they need you the same as I need my husband, and my daughters need their father. I don't mind being friends and colleagues, but even a flirtation would be out of the question. I wish nothing but good for you, but there is no good that would ever come of what you suggest, for you or for me.

May God bless and keep you always.

Zelda

I think this is pretty unequivocal without being unnecessarily mean. I think mentioning God might help too. He has a habit of putting somewhat of a damper on sexual fantasy. Maybe it's a little cowardly, but sometimes God comes in handy.

Now I'm just wondering if it isn't too pious/arrogant/overly thoughtful a response to someone who just considers me a warm hole.

I guess I don't care. I'm spelling it out in no uncertain terms.  

And I'm not just a warm hole.  

Sometimes I get really frickin' cold.

Anyway, feedback would be appreciated, but it will have to be quick because I'm going to send it tomorrow.