Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Rodeo Sex

Forgive me if you have heard of this before. It was new to me and I heard several variations in one night. This was the best.

1st Guy: You ever had rodeo sex?
2nd Guy: What's rodeo sex?
1st Guy: When you're doing a girl from behind, grab her by the hair and whisper in her ear, "You are so fucking ugly," and see how long you can hold on.

Aside from being a little nauseating, it was hysterical. None of the girls I was with had heard the joke. Every guy had his own personal variation.

It constantly amazes me how guys keep up with stuff like that. I consider myself pretty aware of slang, dirty jokes, etc. - at least on par with Jethro. I figured that after 5 years of marriage, and with the amount of "sharing " that we do, we would at least be on the same page. Not so. Someone had emailed me a dirty picture of a drunk woman, legs spread, without panties, sitting between two men in a golf cart. I forgot what the point of this was, but the caption referred to her "bacon strip." I know. Ew. Anyway, as an experiment, I asked Jethro (who was in the next room) what "bacon strip" meant. He walked into the room, grinning. He didn't even have to see the picture to know exactly what I was talking about.

I really believed that I thought about sex as much as a guy. I don't think that is true, and if it isn't, it is scary since I think about sex constantly.

Ah well. There is no point to this at all.

New Topic:

Jethro is ill. He thinks he has an ulcer. His stomach really bothers him after he eats and when the girls come into the room. Just the sight of them makes his stress level elevate and this translates into crippling stomach pain

Now, I don't want to seem insensitive to Jethro's pain, because I know he is hurting, but I'm horny. I think he could work through the pain and do it anyway, but I'm not that insensitive. However, if this keeps up, I will start to get a little desperate. I already had an erotic dream last night. I can't remember what it was, but I woke up happy. I wish I could remember.

If this goes on much longer, I will have to get myself a new boy. I'm not working to put a man through school and then be denied my justly deserved sexual gratification. I only married him for the sex (and vice versa).


Inanna said...

1. That joke was hilarious and can't wait to repeat it.

2. Bacon strip? Ew.

3. Yeah, right, you married Jethro for sex and vice versa.... you expect us to truly believe that???

Zelda said...

1. Thanks

2. Yeah huh!

3. Nah. Just horny and venting.

jp said...

Just be glad that he doesn't have a pulled abdominal/groin muscle like I do....you can't do ANYTHING with it.....it sucks...or doesn't suck, as the case may be.

Zelda said...

I think violent diarrhea and a pulled groin muscle add up to just about the same amount of non-sexual activity. Us poor wives. :-(

Angi said...

I can honestly say nothing has ever stopped Tommy from giving me mine. Not even a concussion that wiped out his memory, and every muscle from his thighs to his chest either pulled or strained in a car accident. He takes one for the team every time.

Johnnie Walker said...

First item: Guys always have smut on their minds. You'll never be able to keep up with us when it comes to smut!

Second item: You should get yourself some good toys. ;)

Opaco said...

that joke, the only different version i have head is that you grab both her arms and hold them back and tell her that her sister was better.

bacon strip...never heard that one, don't really know what to think about it either...

i think i have only turned sex down a couple times. any respitory infection where i can't breath makes my sex drive disappear.

Zelda said...

He didn't turn it down; I didn't ask for it. To be honest, I was in the mood to do it, but not with a guy who would have to leave in the middle of it to go poo.

All is remedied with a few small glitches - See Next Post.