Monday, January 16, 2006

Not For Those Under 18, Unless It Is With Your Parents' Permission, In Which Case I Say You Should Probably Consider Putting Yourself Up For Adoption

Jethro went with a friend last Friday to see a chiropractic office for sale. Jethro's mom called the house looking for him and Emma answered the phone.

Jethro's Mom: Is your daddy there?

Emma: Um, nope!

Jethro's Mom: Where is he?

Emma: He's with his boyfriend!

Jeth didn't think that was too funny. Probably his mom didn't either.


So after he looked at the office, he came by my work to tell me all about it. In the middle of it he started falling asleep in his chair. I kept asking him questions and he kept giving me answers that trailed off into snores. Just when I figured I would ignore him until he was coherent, his eyes popped open and he asked if I wanted to screw. Never being one for a missed opportunity, I said sure. But not before locking the door and making sure the boss was far, far away. I'm cowardly for all my chutzpa.

The logistics of doing it in an office can be complicated. Not ones for grand gestures, and seeing as how the desk was jam-packed with expensive computer equipment, the sweep and fuck was out of the question. So we did it (carefully) in the guest chair.

Office sex seems really kinky until you're doing it. The whole episode is peppered with things like "I should have brought a condom" and "Don't you dare splooge on my sweater" and "I'm sorry baby, but you'll just have to swallow."

I can't swallow. I can barely even spit. The thought alone makes me gag. But rather than risk ruining a perfectly good work outfit a la Monica Lewinsky, I decided the mouth would indeed be the proper receptacle. I was deciding this while frantically trying to get Jethro's fingers on my nipples without taking off my bra, and getting comfortable enough to get off without making Jethro shoot off in my hair or my eye instead of the designated orifice. Who says I am unfocused and no good at multi-tasking?

Gross, just gross. But at least I got mine. Oh yes. I got mine.

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