Sunday, June 27, 2004

From Science Fiction to Self-Gratification

The weirdest show is on the sci-fi channel. I think it is based

on that movie Species. It's about hot blonde sorority girls who

are really an alien species. Very strange. I won't watch it

though, because in my opinion, sci-fi is to film as a pun is to

humor. That being said, I love Stargate SG-1. Jethro got me

hooked on it and now I can't quit watching. I am filled with

shame that I am so addicted to a sci-fi program, and I speak

self-depracatingly of myself whenever I mention my fixation.

It's like masturbation. You do it, you'll never quit, but you

are ashaaaaamed. Or maybe it's just me.

Unfortunately, I went to a very high minded liberal arts college

where anything low-brow (from science fiction to masturbation)

was eschewed. Seriously. One night stands were few and far

between (never occurred in my case). Anyone who masturbated and

was caught by their roommate was immediately relegated to lower

caste status and intellectually shunned. By the time I left, I

was actually having erotic dreams about my curtain rods, about

which, of course, I told no one. Good Times.


Johnny5 said...

I formerly attended a low minded college where anything high-browed was eschewed. My freshman year, I got so drunk on May 5 (yes, but I can't spell it in Spanish) that my buddy had to hold a bucket in front of me while I took a leak in the middle of my room. I was drunk for two days and hungover for three.

Nobody looked at me funny.

Of course, one of the students on campus got caught fucking a horse, so I guess my antics paled in comparison.

Zelda said...

Cinco de Mayo is my birthday. I can almost relate to the bucket, except that it was a bathtub.

Zelda said...

How do you fuck a horse?

Johnny5 said...

Ummm it's not something I really thought about. I wasn't actually the student, but if I remember the newspaper article correctly, he was sodomizing.

Other than that, I'd say super carefully. And I thought picking up a girl at last call was desperation.

Zelda said...

I didn't think it was you who did it, I just thought you might know. And picking up a girl at last call IS desperation. I would know.

Johnny5 said...

What a tease! That sounds like quite the interesting story. Please... share.

jp said...

What I don't get is how a married woman can be undersexed.....

Zelda said...

Oh JP, I know exactly how married women can be undersexed. I'll give you the non-humorous version to save time. Basically, women do everything they can to make themselves attractive before they're married so that they can get married. Making the guy feel like he's A #1 Happy Lucky Special

Zelda said...

...makes the poor idiot think that he's got it made. Once the deed is done and the lady gets what she wants, she feels secure and doesn't feel the need to make any special effort to keep the knob polished. Kids exacerbate the problem (if there is one), and the happy couple ends up in the holy hell known as American Matrimony.

On a personal note, I like being married, but there is no way I'm going to end up like these 40 year old fat divorced slobs who whine day and night about their exes.

Zelda said...

...and child support