Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Trip To Dallas Part II: At The Nudie Bar or Defining Duality

With Carlos laughing his ass off at me trying to massage my ass and put on my seatbelt at the same time, we headed for the Wild Turkey, where Jethro and his classmates were.

There we met up with Big Dick and tCj who were quite fun. Big Dick is hysterical. Totally inappropriate, and not a PC bone in his body, he is guaranteed to offend, but you will enjoy being offended.

tCj seemed a little shy at first, and she didn't say much, but when she did, you worried a little for her safety because she was so darn cute.

So we had a few drinks and talked about our blogs. Dick said he couldn't figure me out because he got a different impression of me from my blog. Carlos, who's known me almost as long as Jethro, said that I defined duality. I guess, to put it bluntly, no one can tell if I'm a lady or a tramp, particularly blog readers. I was largely unaware of this dichotomy, but I suppose I should clarify as much as possible. I'm pretty much a good girl in public. I mean, I was raised to be polite and inoffensive to strangers and others who have given me no cause to be anything else. But I have a strange sense of humor and no fear of any subject. And I have found that almost no subject is really taboo if you can find something humorous in it. It may offend a little, but humor takes the sting out of it.

But I think the thing that gives the most erroneous impression of me is the swearing. I swear a lot in private, but I almost never swear in front of people I haven't met before. I mean if I step on a nail or something I'll probably say "fuck" loud and proud, but not as a general rule. But blogging is different. I have a different persona. I didn't set out to create it, it somehow created itself. It's kind of bar slut/philosopher persona, not unlike that of a *shudder* politician. This ekes its way into my real personality a little, but only just enough to confuse the hell out of Carlos, which could keep me amused to the end of time. Jethro understands me better than anyone else on this planet. There is very little I can get by him and that's why he gets laid. A lot.

Boy did I go off. Back to the nudie bar. The reason we went was largely tCj (although none of the guys needed their arms twisted). She didn't have her id, so we had to go somewhere 18 and up. None of the Dallas natives knew of a regular club and no one wanted to drive very far, so as luck would have it, there was an all-nude strip club very close by. Carlos knew all about it. You can't serve alcohol at all nude places, so they'll let in 18+. Fortunately, you can bring your own alcohol so we paid some guy to bring in a 24 pack of bud light. Big Dick complains about the cover charge and the price of sodas, but I guarantee if we were at a dance club we would have had to pay a cover, then pay 6 or 7 bucks a drink which would have been watered down, and there would have been no nekkid ladies. And everyone likes nekkid ladies. I mean, isn't that the whole point of going to any club at all?

So we walk into what I know management hopes looks like a classy Cabaret. It's hard to pull that off with dudes whacking off in the shadows, so I don't hold it against anyone. I thought all the girls were beautiful, but some of us *cough* Dick were slightly more discriminating.

With my honor at stake, and after several beers, I went up to the stage to give a girl a dollar. She was very cute and smooshed her boobies in my face. If I'd been a dude, I would have gotten a lap dance. But I really had no idea what to do. I wasn't sure if I should stick my tongue out and pretend I was into it, or just stand there like a heterosexual mother of two. I did the latter. I mean, it's largely wasted money for me, personally, but the charge it gives guys to see a naked chick rub her boobs in another chick's face, is almost worth it.

The only one to get any real action was our friend Jon. He was one of Jethro's classmates who never passes up a strip club. Jethro, Carlos and Dick are the types of guys who want girls to do their booty shakin' because they like them and not for the money. Jon doesn't care why they do it, so long as they're doing it in front of him.

I don't judge either men who go, or ladies who strip, but it breaks my heart a little to see pretty, naked girls crawling around a stage for dollar bills.

Jon got a lap dance from a gorgeous girl who had a teeny little C-section scar. The guys noticed it and their opinions ranged from "children = bad" to "she must have worked really hard to get in shape after having a kid. I'm going to pay her money to have her canoodle with me a little." She sat with him for three songs, so I hope Jon got his money's worth.

I figured out things about all of us that night.

Jon likes girls who work out.

Dick likes girls who make him earn it.

Carlos likes it when girls do something cool. He got a kick out of it when one of the girls was showing her pooter to a guy and was mouthing the words of her song. I don't remember what the words were, but they were appropriate to the situation and it was a cool moment.

Jethro likes me. He also likes saving money. He probably considers me an investment.

tCj likes to tease. And she's good at it.

As for me, I like hanging out with guys at strip clubs.